Separated for two years... Were going on a trip... ALONE!
We've been separated for Two years in August. Before that things were just miserable. I was trying to change him and he was worried about himself. For most of this last two years, I've been trying very hard to work things out. But he basically told me no. Yet, he has not filed for divorce. He finally offered to pay for the divorce expenses out of our tax return. Well, (I live strongly by faith) this past weekend I got the feeling in me to try again. I volunteered at the Joyce Meyer conference and was highly motivated. Around a lot of good, positive faithful people. Just very encouraged. Also, he works at the location where the conference was held. So we saw each other a few times. People were making comments about the look in his eye when he looked at me. When I talk to him, all I feel is cold. He's very tense and distant when communicating with me. Anyway, I was supposed to go on a trip with some girlfriends next week. I felt in my heart to ask him to take a trip with me. I mentioned it to him on the last day of the conference when I saw him face to face. He said his work schedule would be changing because the Bucks were going to the playoffs (he works at the venue). I waited a couple days then I asked him to dinner to talk. He kind of tried to get out of it, but it worked out and we met. He was a little stand offish. After talking more about the trip, he decided to go. I really couldn't believe it.
I'm both excited and nervous. I really want this to be a good time and for us to realize how much fun we can have together. We have NEVER taken a trip alone together. I'm nervous because he seems to still be resentful and angry, so I'm worried the trip could be ruined by his bad attitude. I just want to have fun, together. I basically just added him on the trip I already had. I looked around at going somewhere else, so I wouldn't feel obligated to meet up with my friends. But, it was more affordable to do this. Well, not really after all the stuff has been booked. :/ I really want to spend time alone with him. I feel bad, but my friends are going to have to wait for another time to hang out. I will meet up with them maybe once over the 4 days were there.
So, I basically nagged him to death. I wanted him to be more responsible, stop drinking and smoking, stop being so careless. He was handed things by his parents, I had to work for what I had. He has some anger/mood issues. He should see someone. But I tried to make him. We were always arguing and fighting. My second pregnancy was horrible. He treated me like crap. I could just tell he hated me. My first pregnancy was a dream. He pampered me like a princess. So I know he has it in him. `I realize I can't change him. By faith I believe he can change, but it's not up to me to decide when and how. I want to be a whole family. I want my kids to have us both together and happy.
I just want to do things right on this trip. Bite my tounge. Let the small stuff go. But any advice is greatly appreciated. I need to know how to woo my husband home. (Although his parents bought a house for him to live in. As hard as it would be for me, I might just have to move in there).