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How do you let go of something you love so much?

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:44 AM
  • 10 Replies

I just dont know what to do. I have came to the conclusion that I am not going to continue the relationship with my children's father. But I just cant seem to understand why Im so jealous of him. I think he is moving out tomorrow and even though I wanted this I am so sad. I would try to make the relatoinship work but I just cant trust him. I want to be able to still have some sort of relationship with him because I will miss him so much just not an intimate one. I hate that it came to this. I am so jealous of him being with someone else and that's the main reason that I want to just hang in there and be with him through all of the BS. I constantly think of him having sex with someone else and loving someone else that it makes me sad. I know that whenever we break up it never takes him long to find someone else while I am left lonely and hurt. Why am I doing this to myself. I feel like I am putting myself in misery just by letting him go. I know that he is not going to keep in contact with the kids and then I will be depressed about the kids not having a father. I want him to stay but I also want him to go. I know that if he stays I will be miserable anyways because I just cant seem to trust him. He has been on dating sites and in the past even had outside friendships with women without me knowing. I know I deserve better but I wanted him to be that better one for me. I dont know why I love him so much. I had a crush on him when I was 13 and I have always felt this way about him. I knew back then that he was not right for me but I didnt feel that anyone else could ever love me so I tried to make it work for me. Yes I know I have self esteem issues and I do plan to work on that. I have done counseling before I will look into it again. I have depression and anxiety issues so most of the time I feel like I am unlovable. How could I love someone so much that I am willing to put my happiness aside? Please help me with this. Any encouragement would help.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
1985Supersport
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:43 AM

It's a hard row to hoe.

jmlmomma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:02 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry your hurting... Here's a few thoughts that may help you over the hump.

1. Trust is a big thing...if you don't have it then you are wasting your time.

2. If he is going to walk out of his kids lives then he is NOT a father to begin with...they will be better off without him..(I lived this as a child and I'm thankful I didn't have my sperm donor in and out of my life).

3. It sounds like he has cheated on you and will continue to do so...you do not need a male (notice I didn't call him a man) like this in your life...You'll do better to move on while you can.

4. You are stronger then you are giving yourself credit to be.... Learn to stand on your own then when the right MAN comes around you'll be health, strong and able to have a health relationship.

Good Luck... It will get better....HUGS

Vilma1979
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Amen sister I second that :)


Quoting jmlmomma:

I'm sorry your hurting... Here's a few thoughts that may help you over the hump.

1. Trust is a big thing...if you don't have it then you are wasting your time.

2. If he is going to walk out of his kids lives then he is NOT a father to begin with...they will be better off without him..(I lived this as a child and I'm thankful I didn't have my sperm donor in and out of my life).

3. It sounds like he has cheated on you and will continue to do so...you do not need a male (notice I didn't call him a man) like this in your life...You'll do better to move on while you can.

4. You are stronger then you are giving yourself credit to be.... Learn to stand on your own then when the right MAN comes around you'll be health, strong and able to have a health relationship.

Good Luck... It will get better....HUGS


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crazii_gorgeous
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you are taking the first step in the right direction for yourself and for your ultimate happiness. Being with someone like that is not healthy, being stressed all the time about weather your husband is being faithful or not will wear on you, emotionally physically and mentally. You need to just stick to your decision. Go back to counseling and keep reminding yourself to just take it one day, one minute, one second at a time. I have sever depression, and I have come to learn that I control it, it doesn't control me. I CHOOSE everyday weather I'm going to get up and have a great day or I'm going to allow it to take me down. You aren't always going to have great days and there is nothing wrong with breaking down sometimes, but do it, have your cry and then pick yourself up and move on. First and for most you need to find yourself a support group, weather that be family, friends, or something in your community. If you have to find 3 friends/family and speak with them, ask them if at anytime day or night you need someone to talk to or just to hear encouraging words from can you count on them to be there. That way you have a plan for when you have a hard day. Please always remember we are strong, we can accomplish any thing we set our minds to and happiness is always in our best interest. One day you will look back and be prod of yourself for putting yourself first. 

A positive attitude creates a positive outcome.

Good Luck and Hugs to you from Az. ♥

Vilma1979
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:12 PM
Very well said


Quoting crazii_gorgeous:

Sounds like you are taking the first step in the right direction for yourself and for your ultimate happiness. Being with someone like that is not healthy, being stressed all the time about weather your husband is being faithful or not will wear on you, emotionally physically and mentally. You need to just stick to your decision. Go back to counseling and keep reminding yourself to just take it one day, one minute, one second at a time. I have sever depression, and I have come to learn that I control it, it doesn't control me. I CHOOSE everyday weather I'm going to get up and have a great day or I'm going to allow it to take me down. You aren't always going to have great days and there is nothing wrong with breaking down sometimes, but do it, have your cry and then pick yourself up and move on. First and for most you need to find yourself a support group, weather that be family, friends, or something in your community. If you have to find 3 friends/family and speak with them, ask them if at anytime day or night you need someone to talk to or just to hear encouraging words from can you count on them to be there. That way you have a plan for when you have a hard day. Please always remember we are strong, we can accomplish any thing we set our minds to and happiness is always in our best interest. One day you will look back and be prod of yourself for putting yourself first. 

A positive attitude creates a positive outcome.

Good Luck and Hugs to you from Az. ♥


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Bertieb
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:26 PM

Yes, a positive attitude is a MUST!  You CAN break away from him and start a new life. Always think of the possibilities out there just waiting! I truly believe that things happen for a reason in our life and God will lead you to great things and better times if you will let him!

When my first husband of 23 years left me I was in total shock, but I knew I had to be tough. I didn't want people feeling sorry for me, I wanted them feeling sorry for him and how stupid he was. I could feel sorry for myself in private but I didn't let it go on too long. I wanted my kids to see how to handle adversity. Focus on things that will calm and relax you. Things I hadn't done for years I started doing. I painted my nails, took baths and put lotion on, bought all new bedding and pj's, got active in church and met new friends. Oh, and I ate the foods I liked but he didn't. I bought some wine glasses and had a glass of wine at night. I loaded all my favorite songs from years past that reminded me of fun times, on my phone and took walks or put in my earbuds and cleaned his germs out of the house!

  Six months after he walked out I ran into my new husband who had been through the same thing with his ex. We are sooo happy now and we have a great friendship and I finally have romance I didn't even know was missing! Hang in there girl, there are good ones out there, and there is also a lot of peace and freedom being on your own with your children to do as you please!

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:59 PM

 Wow. I hope you get a lightbulb moment and figure out that you deserve so much better than you are settling for. At least get a moment of clarity about how bad this dynamic is for your kids. It'll hurt to move on but move on is what you have to do.

littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:47 PM

You and your children deserve so much better. You deserve a loving caring man, your children deserve a great male role model. You are showing your children what a good relationship is, how a women should be treated. You are teaching you daughters how to be treated & your sons how to treat a women. It will hurt at first but each day that goes by gets better. Have faith & heal yourself. Your children deserve a lot better. 

SomethingSoReal
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 6:19 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies. We have not talked all week and I was just sitting out on the porch reading a book and he came out and sat for a while and didnt say anything for a long time. I told him that we need to have a conversation about how we are going to handle things with the kids. Whenever I say something that he does not want to hear his response will be "Okay, okay that's enough" and walk off. I can't even have an adult conversation with him at all so I am just choosing to keep my mouth shut until he leaves. All of a sudden he said to me "so you have met someone else huh?" I was like what makes you think that? Then he said well that's what you texted me earlier! I couldn't believe that he was telling this lie on me. I have never sent hima text saying that I met someone else. He swore me up and down that I sent him that text and he said "I wished I wouldn't have erased it because I would show it to you." I got so angry that he was accusing me of something that I know I didn't do. I just dont' understand why he likes to get me all wired up.

momto3B
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:39 AM

Please, please get youself into counseling. Once you feel better about youself, you will see that you do not need him to be happy. 

Best of luck. 

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