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I have decided to tell him…… ***UPDATE***

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:22 PM
  • 22 Replies
As many know DH and I have been having marital issues to the point that he had an affair while we were living in different states… Well he decided to do marriage counseling and in the process we decided to live apart. He said that he was confused with his life and needed time to think about whether it not he wanted or we should be married anymore. This last week he has been coming and staying the night but I have always had one of the children sleeping in the room with us. Tonight I do not have any of my children in my room and I have a feeling he is going to try and have sex with me. I don't want to have sex with him. Do you think I am wrong for telling him… that until he can walk in and say we are married and we are for sure going to work things out I choose not to have sex with him? I feel that it is my right as a person to tell him no. That I am not comfortable doing this with him due to him not knowing if we are married, separated or on the verge of divorce. It's going to be hard because I am pregnant and horny as ever but I feel this is what's right for me and he needs to respect that?

***UPDATE***
Well, he came in saw no kids and tried to make a move. I told him how I felt and that I was not comfortable with it and he was depressed and said fine. Later while he was rubbing my belly (trying to feel the baby move) he asked me if I said no because I was not sexually attracted to him and I told him that had nothing to do with that. I told him that I was still very attracted to him and I still love him but until he figures out what he wants. He said he understood and he would respect my wishes. He said as long as he can run my belly and hold me while we sleep that's all he asks for so I said ok.
And a common thing that keeps being brought up is an STD check I did at my last OB/GYN appt about 2 weeks ago I told my doc what was going in because she looked at me funny when my sheet said not sexually active but married lol I told her everything and she did it right there in her office in front of me! She tested both of us said we are both clean but it still does not change my mind about wanting to have sex with him. We have not had sex since Jan 6th 2013 (the day we got pregnant)
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by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leanntx
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:28 PM
4 moms liked this
You aren't wrong at all. If he doesn't even know if he wants to be married anymore, he definitely doesn't deserve sex with you. You're a stronger woman than me, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone in that situation. Good luck momma, be strong!
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JjcH0911
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:30 PM
3 moms liked this
Not being snarky but u should make him get an std scan as well. . I'm sorry you're going through this, and no your not wrong for telling him "no".
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villagemamma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Do what is right for you. It wont be good if you arent able to enjoy it and no i dont think it is crazy for you to feel the way that you do. i would probably feel the same way.

WillsMOM72
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Your not wrong. You need to do whatever makes you comfortable.
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JjcH0911
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Oh and I agree with pp you're strong woman, I would be gone, as my dh would be gone if I had an affair. That and porn and masturbation is where he draw the lines with me, and having an affair is where I draw the line with him. Good luck to u!
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Ruffnekwife87
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you I'm trying marriage counseling because I do love him with all my heart we have 2 soon to be 3 amazing wonderful children together (I adopted his oldest son) and I want him apart of my life and their life but he needs to get his shit together and decided what he wants first. I'm trying hard to be strong some days it kills me some days I just don't care. But the sex thing right now is a big no no for me


Quoting leanntx:

You aren't wrong at all. If he doesn't even know if he wants to be married anymore, he definitely doesn't deserve sex with you. You're a stronger woman than me, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone in that situation. Good luck momma, be strong!

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Ruffnekwife87
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Oh I did at my last OB/GYN appt about 2 weeks ago I told my doc what was going in because she looked at me funny when my sheet said not sexually active but married lol I told her everything and she did it right there in her office in front of me! She said he is clean but it still does not change my mind about wanting to have sex with him. We have not had sex since Jan 6th 2013 (the day we got pregnant)


Quoting JjcH0911:

Not being snarky but u should make him get an std scan as well. . I'm sorry you're going through this, and no your not wrong for telling him "no".

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petitekatie
by Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:13 AM
2 moms liked this


I know this is off topic, but you aren't allowed to masturbate or watch porn or he would leave you, but he is? I'm totally confused and don't see the fairness of this at all... seems selfish... I know it's none of my business, I just had to ask, just in case you might actually answer...

Quoting JjcH0911:

Oh and I agree with pp you're strong woman, I would be gone, as my dh would be gone if I had an affair. That and porn and masturbation is where he draw the lines with me, and having an affair is where I draw the line with him. Good luck to u!



Luv.My.Kidz
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:16 AM
1 mom liked this

I would just say "until we work things out no sex" 

mamaanl
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:26 AM

You are completely right in telling him that.  If he's not sure he wants to be married then he shouldn't get the pleasures of having sex with you.

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