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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

advise please but don't pass judgement or comment before reading fully :)

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:24 AM
  • 18 Replies

 

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Question: Divorce

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councling

divorce councling


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Total Votes: 30

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Ok firstly thank you for reading....
i will start with back story then jump into where i need advise
my husband and i have been together for 6 yrs married for almost 4
we have a son who is 4 together he has a daughter from a previous non marriage relationship who is 22 and she has a daughter who is 2 so we are grandparents...
I have 3 children also from a previous non marriage relationship age 12,11,6...
(We neither have much to do with our x's by our choice but help each other with the others obligations as far as kids go between money, babysitter cleaning up act. i admit my husband does more with my kids then i do with his daughter but she loves out off state and i work to pay his back support (please don't judge just yet)
Okay... so I work full time 40+ hrs pw as a manager @Walmart in our town.
my husband has gone some time without work after being layer off he went through a bout if depression.
Okay so here's the first layer of meat to this story... again PLEASE DON'T JUDGE
We went through a VERY rough patch right after our son was born we were still married but we split up (my choice) because he was paying every penny he made to back child support for a child that was grown and the fact wa
s we were loosing our home and he wouldn't put his foot down in court and regardless of the outcome speak up foe self to the judge.
well we split up he moved in with a family member i stayed in the house for as long as i could before the sheriff locked the doors - but during our split i began to see someone else who was before then just a friend (honestly) and we became intimate and the very evening we did my estranged husband stopped by another sitter (my sister) told him where i was so he literaly stood by the window and listened to the entire thing...

So obviously that didn't last i was lonely hurt and had needs that weren't being met for months prior to our split because of the fighting.

So my husband and i got back together a short while later however its been 3 years and he says he will not go back to work because he can't trust me to be home alone he accuses me of cheating i have quit multiple jobs because he makes me feel like a fool

Most recently in fact last week, we had an intimate encounter and we both like it a bit rough so husband grabs my thighs as he climax's only a few days later when he points it out do i notice there's finger print bruises on my thighs...
Well wouldn't you know it he accuses me of cheating to top all this off i work 40+hrs my car broke down so we share car because he has the kids and he picks me up for my hour lunch and i call him during both my 15 minute breaks also wee had a family tragedy a month ago answer have been between home and hospital constantly) he swears i am cheating ay work once i made that point clear.
So then yeah there's just a bit more
today i ho to shower and brush my teeth (NORMAL DO EVERY DAY -DUH) he says 'oh got q hot date today huh'
sometimes i just want to tell him get lost ahole go file for divorce or i will because i don't know how much more i can take...
Oh also i am 100% sure he is faithful to me i just wish he knew i am too!!
SORRY FOR THE LONG STORY BUT IF YOUR WILLING TO NOT JUST AND GIVE ME SOME ADVISE PLEASE FOR!! :)
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jmholcomb09
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:30 AM
Sorry FOR the spelling-grammar errors...
Babygirl9609
by Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:36 AM
2 moms liked this
Well he obviously doesnt trust you. He either needs to get over it or you guys need to go your separate ways. Unless youre willing to live like that.
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JennPearce
by Jenn! on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:35 AM
2 moms liked this
I put counseling, because I believe if you love each other you should give it all you got before you call it quits. He definitely needs to start pulling some weight. :/ he can't use the excuse that he's worried you are cheating as an excuse not to work. You shouldn't have to put up with that. I say either you guys work on fixing the issues, or show him the door. Hope you find happiness in whatever happens!
foran
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:41 AM
2 moms liked this
Get out he needs to help and not judge if he can't get over what happen when yall split get hum out of there
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jmholcomb09
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:48 AM
At this point i just want to be able to go to work raise my kids pay my bills and i do that with no help but he adds stress and BS that i don't have time or patients for and also its effecting my kids i do love him - I DO
but i love my kids and myself and i am all they have i feel i have to also consider how this is effecting them, so family councling or he and i and the kids by themselves so they have an outlet also
krystyneh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I voted counseling. My husband cheated on me (3 times) never physically tho just calling, texting and sexting and I told him it was counseling to to literally get the fuck out. I had been cheated on in the past and wasn't going to put up with it. Obviously he doesn't trust you but he needs to start trusting u again. Honestly it's hard, the last time my husband cheated was this past Septemer and October and I MADE him quit his job (he was an over the road truck driver for Western Express) because the bitch he was cheating on me with (again nothing physical THANKFULLY) was with her brother who was also a driver for the company. I put a stop to it fast. He's with another company but out of our state (Vermont) and I'm 17 weeks 6 days pregnant and due in September. I still get nervous since he's only home 2 days every 2 weeks. It's hard to gain back trust. Definitely do counseling tho it helped us. We've been together 7 years married for almost 3 and he has an 11 1/2 year old daughter with a previous "thing" as he says and we have a 5 1/2 year old daughter together plus another child on the way.
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TommyAbby
by Melissa on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Damn.. i agree with the other ladies. Get couseling or get out. that is not a way to live.. Good luck and I hope things work out to where you can be happy either with or without him. 


Gmgej
by Michele on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:43 AM
2 moms liked this

He doesn't work and blames you for it? You had a fling when you two were split because of him not working, and he is using that against you? Get rid of him, he isn't a man he is a leech. Dont pay his child support again, you work for you and your children not his. He needs to be a man and work!

lancet98
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:58 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel you should get divorced.   That seems to be the way you are leaning anyway, in how you describe the events that happened.   And it doesn't sound like he can let go of the idea that you cheated.

A counselor won't tell you if you should get divorced or not.   That is something you have to decide.   They will help you get to the point where you are able t decide, they don't decide for you.

Going to counseling doesn't mean staying together, either.   It means that the counselor gets you to the point where you are able to decide yourself    They don't tell you what to do.

LizzieAnnesMom
by Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:04 AM
2 moms liked this
I would tell him to get the fuck over the past r file for divorce, and if he ever mentioned it again i would kick his ass out.
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