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advise please but don't pass judgement or comment before reading fully :)

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Question: Divorce




divorce councling

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Total Votes: 30

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Ok firstly thank you for reading....
i will start with back story then jump into where i need advise
my husband and i have been together for 6 yrs married for almost 4
we have a son who is 4 together he has a daughter from a previous non marriage relationship who is 22 and she has a daughter who is 2 so we are grandparents...
I have 3 children also from a previous non marriage relationship age 12,11,6...
(We neither have much to do with our x's by our choice but help each other with the others obligations as far as kids go between money, babysitter cleaning up act. i admit my husband does more with my kids then i do with his daughter but she loves out off state and i work to pay his back support (please don't judge just yet)
Okay... so I work full time 40+ hrs pw as a manager @Walmart in our town.
my husband has gone some time without work after being layer off he went through a bout if depression.
Okay so here's the first layer of meat to this story... again PLEASE DON'T JUDGE
We went through a VERY rough patch right after our son was born we were still married but we split up (my choice) because he was paying every penny he made to back child support for a child that was grown and the fact wa
s we were loosing our home and he wouldn't put his foot down in court and regardless of the outcome speak up foe self to the judge.
well we split up he moved in with a family member i stayed in the house for as long as i could before the sheriff locked the doors - but during our split i began to see someone else who was before then just a friend (honestly) and we became intimate and the very evening we did my estranged husband stopped by another sitter (my sister) told him where i was so he literaly stood by the window and listened to the entire thing...

So obviously that didn't last i was lonely hurt and had needs that weren't being met for months prior to our split because of the fighting.

So my husband and i got back together a short while later however its been 3 years and he says he will not go back to work because he can't trust me to be home alone he accuses me of cheating i have quit multiple jobs because he makes me feel like a fool

Most recently in fact last week, we had an intimate encounter and we both like it a bit rough so husband grabs my thighs as he climax's only a few days later when he points it out do i notice there's finger print bruises on my thighs...
Well wouldn't you know it he accuses me of cheating to top all this off i work 40+hrs my car broke down so we share car because he has the kids and he picks me up for my hour lunch and i call him during both my 15 minute breaks also wee had a family tragedy a month ago answer have been between home and hospital constantly) he swears i am cheating ay work once i made that point clear.
So then yeah there's just a bit more
today i ho to shower and brush my teeth (NORMAL DO EVERY DAY -DUH) he says 'oh got q hot date today huh'
sometimes i just want to tell him get lost ahole go file for divorce or i will because i don't know how much more i can take...
Oh also i am 100% sure he is faithful to me i just wish he knew i am too!!
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:24 AM
Replies (11-18):
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:35 AM
2 moms liked this

I read this the other day and am a complete believer. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but "A marriage without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it but it won't go anywhere." And my marriage (together 12 years, married for 9) has definitely had its trust issues, but in the end, we both know we need trust in the marriage or its not going to be healthy for either of us. As long as you are willing to work together, you can get past it. But I'm afraid it sounds as though your husband may not be able to do the work to get back to a good place in the relationship for both of you. I wish I had more positive advice for you. I hope it works out before you start to feel that you don't deserve to be trusted by your husband. 

by Casey on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:40 AM
3 moms liked this

I'm not going to be nearly as nice or supportive as these other ladies. 

You got involved with and married this man, you had to have known he was broke. You had to have known he had this obligation to pay his back support. I can't believe so many women get involved with men who owe back support then act shocked, or pissed off, that they are broke. Well, what in the fuck did you think was going to happen? What did you think your life would be like? And he owes every penny of that support, it didn't matter if he went to the court and "put his foot down" or not. Thats what you get when you don't pay. You went into this situation eyes wide open and then decided you didn't like what you saw. That's YOUR fault. This is YOUR fault. Every problem you have in your marriage is 100% YOUR FAULT. 

I don't even need to touch the sex with your friend part. He sat  and listened to it, he's never going to forgive you. Ever. 

You need to get divorced and then make better decisions within your own life. 

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this
Hon I'm sorry u are going through this sounds like u have proved to him he can trust u. Sounds like he's insecure and very controlling don't know if I.could deal with that crap or not. My aunt always told me when I went through things with my dh I can't tell u hon. Do what your hearttells u way the pros cons good times and bad times. Then think hard about what u are about to do then decide. Hope all goes well in whatever decision u make. Hugs Dawna
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by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you two should try counceling. And he really needs to drop the whole cheating thing, if you all were seperated at the time. He needs to learn to quit dwelling on the past. Hope things get better!!

by on Jun. 7, 2013 at 1:47 AM
UPDATE***** I knew then odviously and and glad to say I am done with Rob the husband it all came to a head in a councling meeting for my 12 yr old she revealed he spanked her with the belt that's the moment it was over
by on Jun. 7, 2013 at 9:12 AM
In this situation I'd try counseling and then separation/divorce if that doesn't help. Demand respect.
by Kendall on Jun. 7, 2013 at 9:30 AM

I think you two should/could benefit from counseling.  I would try that before filing for divorce.  You both have issues you need to deal with.  (hugs)

by on Jun. 7, 2013 at 2:01 PM

 As long as you still love him and he still loves you, I would say 100% for sure- counseling and that is what I voted for in the poll, assuming that you do. Love iw worth working to heal and fight for. It sounds like there is healing that needs to take place and the wounds have just been covered up with a bandaid and not tended to ... sometimes when you start counseling just like when you start to wash disinfect and medicate a physical wound it CAN posssibly hurt WORSE at the beginning before it starts to get better but is worth it because after that then the REAL healing can begin and then it will start to get better. Also if he is severely depressed and anxious enough which it sounds like he very possibly is... he MIGHT need at least temporary medication like antidepressant and possible anti anxiety meds to at least help him get thru this difficult period until the counseling gets further along and starts leading to relief for him.

If either of you arent in love anymore then I would say divorce regardless of cirumstances either way.

View Full Size Image YVONNE

(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

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