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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

moms and wifes please read!

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
  • 13 Replies

 being a wife and mother?.. im having a really hard time doing it.. im in mom mode constantly and sometimes forget im also a wife with a husband who has needs too (not just sex).. since my son was born there is like no romance.. we have had sex 5 times maybe? my son is 7 months.. he acts like whatever and i do too we have talked about it but we both say well you dont show interest why should i.. no one is caving we both are very stubborn not even the sex but the intamacy is gone too we bite each others heads off all the time and never really "talk" he has been on the couch for 2 months bc DS wont sleep in his bed and just not enough room for all 3 of us..

i feel like everything is falling apart.. we both work full time and spend 100% of our time with our son.. which im ok w/ that  but i do realize we need time too.. i dont know how to make it work really.. we have been "out" 3 toimes since my son has been born by choice really b/c i feel bad if i leave him and plus like i said i work full time so i wanna spend all the time i can with him..

any advice? am i alone here?

alsoit doesnt really matter but wanted to add we have been together since we were 16.. going on 8 years now.. married 1

ETA*****

DS will not sleep in his bed!! ive tried everything he wakes up every 20-30 min screaming.. not crying blood curling screams! i cant get up every 20 min with him when im up crack of dawn and work all day sorry but i just cant but yes i know i need to try to get him in his own bed but i just dont know how! i dont believe in CIO... we are gonna try the side car crib..

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bmw29
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:37 AM
2 moms liked this
I think you just need to hang on for dear life and muscle through this stage. We went through the same thing for a little while but ds is almost 12 now and dh and I are stronger than ever. It won't be like this for long. As your child grows your relationship with your husband will also grow and change.
JenniferSq
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this
This! Priorities shift once kids come along. Things do get better. Just keep communication open and try to find some time for echother and yourselves.

Quoting bmw29:

I think you just need to hang on for dear life and muscle through this stage. We went through the same thing for a little while but ds is almost 12 now and dh and I are stronger than ever. It won't be like this for long. As your child grows your relationship with your husband will also grow and change.
tifbrown
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:49 AM

You need to make time as a couple. Being stubborn only damages a marriage. You guys need to compromise. Talk to your husband, tell him you see that you guys are drifting apart and don't want it to happen. Make a point of asking about his day and actually listening. You guys need to regain communication. It can be as easy as talking about your days, taking an interest in each other. Make a date night once a month. And, even though you may be tired and not totally in the mood, have sex. A quickie can go so far to help regain intimacy. This is all fixable and pretty normal after a baby is born. It is up to you guys where your relationship goes from here. It will take effort from both or you, but you guys can get past this. Remember your vows and why you said them to him. Patients and commitment. Good luck momma :)

mrsbrand
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:53 AM
You guys just have to find your new groove. It took us about a year to balance parenthood and spousal needs. Dd finally sleeping through the night at about 10 months was a huge part of it. As for dd in the bed, where does he nap. Dd napped in her bed and went down at night in her bed, but we brought her into our bed the first time she woke up each night. So when she would sleep through the night she was in her bed all night. We make couple time after she goes to bed. We pop popcorn and watch a movie, or play video games together or sit down at the table and go over bills and budgeting together. He goes out Friday nights to play with friends (there is a pretty good gamer community here) and I'm pretty antisocial but I get an evening/couple hours to myself anytime I ask too.

Its just about the balance, you'll get there just power through and work together on it.
AquariusFemale9
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:23 AM
My mom put a gate in my doorway. I'd fall asleep at the gate until I realized the bed was more comfortable. If I ever have this problem with my kids, I will do this too.
lifeforchrist
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:27 AM

It takes two to make a marriage work. So you both need to get over being stubborn. Having a child changes things, and if you are just 7 months pp there are still a lot of things going on in your body that makes it harder. But taking time to cuddle together on the couch, read together. ANything. But you both need to apologize for the last few months.

my dd is 1 year and she sleeps with me in bed. It's better to actually get sleep than believe that if you don't sleep in the same bed something is wrong. Couples who sleep apart are actually less likely to divorce! Just sit down with your husband and talk. Maybe try the Love dare?

VidaLove
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:46 AM

If you want a change in your relationship maybe you should be the 1st to set aside your stubborness & make the effort to bring back the intimacy & romance. Flirt a little with him, he'll notice the difference & should respond to it.

You & your DH should also go on a date at least twice a month or even once a month...it may be hard on your son right now but it's best in the long run & he should adapt. My DH & I share 6 kids together & I always make sure I make time for him as well...I hug him or touch him every time we pass each other, I say I love him at least 10x a day (When he's not working lol), I compliment him all the time & tell him he's handsome, even a lil smile from me goes a long way for him. We work together to make our marriage a happy one.

The side car crib should work...knowing that he's in the same room with his parents may help your DS...Hope it all works for you Lady!

aodom323
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:47 AM

You guys sound like me and my fiance. We are actually working through this now. What we are trying to do is the 40 day love dare http://www.shenzhoufellowship.org/main2/files/old/SpecialTopics/TheLoveDare.pdf.  Another thing we are trying to the 30 day sex test.  Pastors actually recommend it.  This one is where you have sex everyday for 30 days.  I know you are busy but try to put aside even 15 mins for you and him.  Once you stop having sex it is hard to get back into it and then the intimacy leaves the relationship.  Since starting these we have been getting closer and the intimacy is returning to our relationship.  I hope this helps some.


Also `i found this thing on pinterest where you sew some fabric into a long tube and fill it with rice.  Microwave the ricce for a min and put it in the crib with your son.  The heat resembles mommys heat.  You can even use an old shirt or pillowcase so that way it smells like you too 

xoxRachelxox
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Your son is still young. If he's not ready to sleep alone, then he's not ready.

It won't be like this all the time. Just keep trying to get him into his own room and bed.

Once he gets onto a better schedule, you can put him to bed and have some alone time with your husband.

You guys do need to learn to talk to each other though. I was stubborn with talking to my husband but it didn't get us anywhere but arguing all the time. Now, if I know I'm just being stubborn, I will sit and talk with him and that has helped our relationship a lot.

Crazylife1994
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM

This is a hard stage in every relationship. First stop being stubborn if it is that important then time to cave. We aren't talking about not eating the last piece of cheesecake in the fridge.

I don't believe in CIO either. All my kids slept with us too.

The romance doesn't come from sex or even a lot of work. It is the little things. A loving touch when walking by each other. Just to reach out and gently touch even when holding the baby. A quick peck on the cheek at a random moment. Leaving a note in a lunchbox just to say I love you and I can't wIt to see you tonight.

 The little things is what keeps a marriage strong when new beginnings take priorty for awhile.

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