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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My husband is afraid of the topic of "sex"

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 1:15 AM
  • 8 Replies

I don't know how to deal with my husband's issue with sex. I swear he starts to raise his voice every time I bring up sex. I've been dealing with it when it comes to us and our sex life, nothing can be out of the norm or even close to taboo. Including me having an orgasm... and any tipe of toy is the devil! But he likes to have anal but I can't even talk about anything else or try anything. I am dealing with it. But now I tried to talk to him about how we are going to talk to our son about sex and he was like we don't need too, the Bible says it all. While I am a devote Christian and would like to raise my son that way I refuse to be niave. We both had sex before marriage and even though I would hope my son would wait, he might not. I don't many that have. I hate arguing with my husband because he is 6'7" and he gets loud. And always does it in front of our son who is 5 months old and I sacrifice my view's to save my son from seeing or hearing it. I don't know what to do, and I am so frusturating by this. I don't know what to do. HELP.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 1:15 AM
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Replies (1-8):
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:10 AM
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 It sounds like religion etc is an important part of your life, do you have a pastor or such that the two of you can talk to that can in a respectful way towards yours and your husbands beliefs still have more clarity on having a healthy open communication fullfilling sex life for BOTH of you? I once heard a Catholic Priest say that sex that the church looks upon as a sin before marriage, once married becomes a blessing and a gift from God. (That first part of it  is not my personal belief but thought maybe you could relate). Also a mom of 5 - 3 girls and 2 boys now ages almost 18 to almost 26 I strongly agree with you  that NOT being open and communicative withyour kids about sex and their bodies from a young age (according to age level appropriateness of course) is a HUGE mistake! We were very open andhonest and non judgmental of our kids and bc of that they knew theycould alwayscome to uswithquestionsand concerns etc at all ages even thru teens. Meanwhile Quite a few of their friendds who were over our house confided that they wished they could talk to their parents and ask their parents questions like our kids could with us but they said their parents would get mad or judge them or restrict them and  trust them less and take away the freedoms that they do have if they did. And more than half of those kids (good kids good students many who went to church and involved in sports etc) were having sex even thoughthey had strict parents, the difference was they couldnt tell their parents about it,  to me that is MORE dangerous.

There isnothing in the bible that says a married wife isnt supposed to enjoy sex or be able to have an orgasm, thats not fair.

YVONNE

polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 4:04 AM
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Last time I checked there wasn't a section on condoms and stds in the bible. But it doesn't sounds like that's your issue. It sounds like you are married to a man that's not willing to be on equal terms with you. You don't get it have orgasms? That's not his decision to make. Sex and marriage are things you do together equally. Both parties are supposed to be involved in the decision making. I understand not fighting in front of the baby, but not voicing your opinion ever? Idk man, maybe I'm taking this the wrong way and your dh isn't a meanie. But that's what it sounds like to me.
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xoxRachelxox
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:54 AM
2 moms liked this

There is just so much wrong here.

You aren't allowed to orgasim? Yet, he is?
He yells at you every time you try to talk to him? and he's doing it in front of your child?

I would find a baby sitter and sit his ass down and have a talk with him.
I would ask him why it's okay for HIM to have an orgasim and enjoy anal sex with you but you aren't allowed to do things that you enjoy.

You should be able to talk with your spouse, not hold shit back because you are afraid of him yelling at you.

It also sounds like he wants to pick and choose what to take from the bible and whatever he doesn't like, oh well. That's not okay either.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I thought good little devout fundamentalist Christians that had sex in accordance with the bible could only do it in the missionary position and vaginally, so as to create a baby, which is what sex is intended to do, right? The anal is "out of the norm". 

sydjademom24
by Rachel J on Apr. 29, 2013 at 12:22 PM
Oh yeah. My parents were normal christians.. not fundamentalists or Pentecostal and anal sex is wrong to them. Masturbation is wrong. My parents told me that growing up. Im pretty sure they said bj's were wrong too. My husband and I are far from religious so we are open about what we like/want. I cant imagine having the constraints of religion around our sex life. You just need to sit him down without kids around and tell him how you feel. With or without pastor. Personally I think that would be extreemly awkward talking with your pastor about but whatever works for you. You need to talk however you do it.
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:51 PM
Please talk to him and consider getting out of this clearly unhealthy relationship.
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PartyGalAnne
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:30 PM
1 mom liked this

You are with a manipulative controlling son of a bitch.

Get out while you can!

KellyNips
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:15 AM

your husband's views on sex are very messed up -- but here's what you do -- the next time you have sex and you don't have an orgasm as a result, stay right where you are and finish the job yourself in front of your husband -- let him know that you are a healthly, normal woman with wants and desires and that if he can't fulfil his husbandly duties, then it is up to you to do it -- masterbate right then and there in front of him and have the best orgasm of your life.  and keep doing this until he recognizes and accepts you as the woman and wife you are meant to be.  if he doesn't change, then i would ask myself if this is the life for me.  Also, anal sex is taboo and considered unnatural by some.  he has some serious sexual issues that need to be addressed.

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