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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

What advice would you give?

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:38 PM
  • 29 Replies

My son (26) and his girlfriend have been living 8 hours apart for 2 years now. She has lyme disease and has been living with her parents getting treatments. Nothing seems to be helping and she hasn't been out of her house for over a year. She has good days and really bad days, home health comes to give her IV treatments, it's really serious. My son lives in a big city and is lonely. He only has guy friends and nobody to go out to dinner with, hang out with on the weekends, go to movies with, etc. He is ready to move on but he feels too guilty to break up with her and is really her only support person besides her parents. Her friends have all moved on with their lives and don't live where she is either. Now she has found out her grandmother has a terminal illness.

I feel so sorry for him, he cares about her but he isn't in love with her, yet he doesn't want to devastate her while she is sick, and he doesn't want to cheat on her. Any suggestions forf how to extricate himself and not look like a jerk? I just told him to be honest, he has to have a life too, and if they were meant to be together then when she gets well they can reconnect maybe. bit right now It sounds like even if she was well tomorrow, time and distance have already taken their toll as far as he is concerned.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kidlover2
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:41 PM
Is he breaking up with her because she is sick? or because they are going their separate ways and have nothing in common anymore.
aodom323
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:42 PM

I've got nothing Good luck though. I hope she gets better

LilTymomma
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Talking is the best thing to do,...he can still keep in touch w/ her if he cares for her. Is not easy but its better than whats going on right now for both. 

catchup29
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this

That is a hard situation.  They are not married, he did not make a committment of in sickness and health.  I understand him wanting to move on.  And really, if she loves him, she should understand also.  I would have released him a long time ago. 

Sondi7
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 2:53 PM
I'm not familiar with lymes disease. Is this a disease that she can recover from? If so, how long does it normally take before treatment starts to work? The distance between them would be enough to cause serious strain on their relationship, not to mention she hasn't left her house in a year. How long have they been together?
Bertieb
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM

I wish she would have done that. I've known for a long time he doesn't love her the way he should. She has to know when he goes somewhere with his friends on his vacation time instead of making a rush to see her that something isn't the same. I went to visit him for a few days and never once did they actually talk on the phone, it was all texts. I made a point not to bring up her name first and he never mentioned her period. That was a month ago and finally today he called me with his feelings. If she weren't ill she would probably be tired of trying to make the long distance thing work too.


Quoting catchup29:

That is a hard situation.  They are not married, he did not make a committment of in sickness and health.  I understand him wanting to move on.  And really, if she loves him, she should understand also.  I would have released him a long time ago. 



catchup29
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Sounds like the relationship is already over, the words just haven't been said.  She probably knows the writing is on the wall.  I'm sure she just enjoys the texts and communication, which he can give to her anyway, after he moves on.  


Quoting Bertieb:

I wish she would have done that. I've known for a long time he doesn't love her the way he should. She has to know when he goes somewhere with his friends on his vacation time instead of making a rush to see her that something isn't the same. I went to visit him for a few days and never once did they actually talk on the phone, it was all texts. I made a point not to bring up her name first and he never mentioned her period. That was a month ago and finally today he called me with his feelings. If she weren't ill she would probably be tired of trying to make the long distance thing work too.


Quoting catchup29:

That is a hard situation.  They are not married, he did not make a committment of in sickness and health.  I understand him wanting to move on.  And really, if she loves him, she should understand also.  I would have released him a long time ago. 





Bertieb
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Mostly because they are separated, but I also think he is tired of the sickness, and seeing no end in sight. He's developed this other life, and for her time has stood still for two years. He has grown apart from her.


Quoting kidlover2:

Is he breaking up with her because she is sick? or because they are going their separate ways and have nothing in common anymore.



xoxRachelxox
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I would rather someone be honest with me and not string me along even if it would hurt me.

Maybe he can tell her that he'll still be there for her but as a friend. 

kjbugsmom1517
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Thats tough. But i think honesty is always best even if it hurts. He can still care for her and not be with her, he can still be her friend which it kinda sounds like thats where hes at already. My mils husband cheated on her when she was battling cancer, she ended up passing away angry at him for not being honest. He took care of her financially but emotionally he didnt. they also never technically got married it was common law. So in that i would say let her go and be honest. She will gain a friend if nothing else. Id want my husband to be honest with me if i was sick and wasnt going to get better, rather than string me along and cheat.
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