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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

***UPDATE***I think this may be the end...(sorry so long)

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...of my marriage. 9 years and 11 months.

--Back story:
Dh and I got married the day after high school, I was 18 & he was 20. He had been in the Marines for a year already, (he's still active). We dated for a year before getting married. We both regret marrying so young. I don't regret marrying him, I just wished we'd waited longer. Anyway, I moved to San Diego a few months after getting hitched. Moving in together brought out a whole new different person that neither of us had ever seen. Mind you, we had a long distance relationship while we were dating. I have a huge temper. When were arguing, I tend to be the one that raises my voice and throw stuff and/or slam doors. I realized he wasn't as affection as I thought. But, we pulled through and after 4 years of marriage, we had our first son. Everything seemed to be good. That is until I found out he was confiding to another woman about our problems. An old childhood friend. It got ugly for a while until we started counseling. We only did 3 sessions because he got sent to NC for some training. We never went back. I wanted to but he didn't. Somehow we got over it. We had a second son August of 2011. He left for his second deployment when our son was 4 months old. He came home last July. While he was deployed, he called me to say our next duty station was gonna be Hawaii. We both were excited. That is until we got here last Labor Day. Everything seemed to go downhill fast. We were forced to live out of a hotel for 3.5 months, so imagine how much we got on each other's nerves. He started hanging out with his new Marine brothers and I quickly took a dislike to them, or just one in particular. Our housing got delayed from December move in date to February. At this point, I felt like we were stuck in a rut. Then, I find out on the night of my birthday that he was having yet another emotional affair through FB. I read his messages to her and he commented to her on how beautiful she was and how her soon-to-be ex husband will regret leaving her, he even went as far as telling her that we don't sleep in the same bed anymore. (I was ebfing & co-sleeping with our youngest, PLUS he started sleeping with his cpap machine so it was just easier that way.) So finally I asked him if he still loved me and he said "I'm not IN love with you. That spark is gone." So of course that sent me crashing. I know that notion only lasts a few moths/years but it IS possible to reignite it, with both parties willing to try. He says that my temper has pushed him away from me. That he just doesn't see this going anywhere. I feel like he just doesn't want to be with me anymore and is afraid to say it to spare my feelings. I told him I will not be the one to file for divorce because I'm the one pulling both our weight to make this work. The ball is on his court. Here's the kicker: he is scheduled to deploy this summer to Afghanistan for a whole year! (Totally was not expecting this coming here.) he just told me tonight that sometimes he thinks to himself that I could find someone else that can make me happy. But I told him, I don't need someone else, I want him to make me happy! I don't know what to do or think. To me it seems like he's checked out. But like I told him, if that's what he wants, then he needs to take the next step, not me. I want us to work through it. That's probably just my pride. Anyway, thanks for reading. Any words of advice and /or encouraging words are appreciated. It's 11:45pm and I'm tired.



***UPDATE***

So, we've talked some more. He's flat out told me he doesn't love me anymore (he loves me for being the mother of his kids and he thanks me for that! Wow.) he doesn't see how he could l he could love me again. He also said he'll go with me to talk to the chaplain tomorrow morning, more because I'm asking him rather than he wants to go.

How would you ladies take this? As a glimmer of hope? Or just as a last resort?

I just don't know how we'll be entering this deployment. As a married couple still working on our marriage (and he says he'll only be doing it for the kids) or go into it legally separated. The military will pay to ship our stuff back to my hometown. And whenever he gets back, we'll see where we're both at. I'm at a loss.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 5:45 AM
Replies (11-20):
USMCwife0530
by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:06 AM
BUMP with update!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
USMCwife0530
by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:07 AM
BUMP with update!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
USMCwife0530
by on May. 2, 2013 at 5:58 AM
BUMP!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomRocs1102
by on May. 2, 2013 at 8:24 AM

you can love him and want him, but if hes not on board with the marriage that's going to be almost impossible to make it work.  Good Luck.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on May. 2, 2013 at 9:21 AM

He told you to your face he doesn't love you. I think that is pretty final.

Like I said before, ask him to wait to file until he gets back, and get your stuff in order. Don't screw yourself financially. 

shaunaleigh418
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 9:27 AM
This. I'm so sorry you're dealing wih this. :(

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

He told you to your face he doesn't love you. I think that is pretty final.

Like I said before, ask him to wait to file until he gets back, and get your stuff in order. Don't screw yourself financially. 

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 9:33 AM

It sounds like he wants out but doesn't want to be the one to do it. 

JDsWifey
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2013 at 10:15 AM
I don't have any advice other than what previous posters have already mentioned, but you have my sincere sympathy for having to deal with this. Big hugs and best of luck!
Nicki1995
by on May. 2, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Not trying to sound like an ass or anything, but he told you he doesn't even love you anymore. Stop trying to get him back knowing that he doesn't want you. You need to get the kids and file divorce papers. Get a job and get on your feet.
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on May. 2, 2013 at 10:38 AM

 Omgosh how sad I am sooooo sorry for you! BIG HUGGGSSSS If he told me he didnt beleive he would ever love me again and he was only going to the chaplain for the kids sake I would not see that as ANY glimmer of hope, It sounds like he is just going thru the motions and has already given up in his heart and made up his mind so anything that the chaplain says isnt going to change his love for you. PS I dont believe in staying together for the sake of hte kids I dont believe that is healthy or best for the kids even. honestly

I am sooooo terribly sorry for the heartbreak you must be suffering thru!

YVONNE

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