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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How am I suppose to act in this situation

Posted by on May. 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM
  • 7 Replies

I love asking you ladies for suggestion because most of you either have seen or gone through the same situation...

So, my in-laws live in another country, and they have a house which they all share. (joint-family common in Asia). DH has five other siblings, when we got married we were in US and when my baby was six months old I went back home to visit. I never had any issues with my MIL before marriage, I barely spoke to her. Anyway so in 2007 I went to my home country...I went directly to their house and back then they were living in a apartment, two brothers, three sisters, one of which was divorced with two kids. So this is an apartment with eight people living there. My daughter got sick because of heat, I was funny and happy and sweet to them and I left after dinner because my grandfather house had more space. Anyway, next morning DH calls me (I travelled alone) he was in US, and started yelling at me of why I insulted his family by leaving early. I was mean to them, I was not friendly, I was immodestly dressed (I was fully clothed it was over 100 degrees there!). I was twenty years old then, I just had no idea what to do, so next day I went and stayed with my MIL and they had no bed for me. I slept on the floor, I was so uncomfortable. I barely slept...she acted bitchy the next day. My uncle came to see me and said he wants me to come visit him...I went with him, she told my BILs to not see me, they all stopped talking to me. I had no idea what to do, my father bought me a new ticket and my one month stay was cut short to a week. I never spoke to her after that. DH and I always fight about our MILs.

Anyway, 2013, fast forward, all of them are married except last one. Now DH wants me to go with him. He bought tickets for us, now I have a son too. She calls him or makes my SIL call DH to manipulate and say bad things about me and my mother....She hates me, I know that.

Now I will be in her house (thank god it's not that apartment). I have no idea how to act around her, I don't give a **** about them. I just don't want drama...how will I say "hi" to her? What if she doesn't respond? What if she ignores me in front of all her kids, who already blame me for everything... She acts same way with her other children's spouses.

I keep running the damn scenario in my head and I don't know how to proceed...

punching

by on May. 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM
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Replies (1-7):
cherkahn1
by Member on May. 1, 2013 at 4:46 PM
My mil is exactly the same, but lives in Italy.

Rise above it all and don't take it personally. They are risking their relationship with their son and grandchildren, and they should be ashamed. But they won't change so don't let it be your problem. Be nice but keep to yourself and try to keep visits with them to minimum. I won't even discuss my mil with hubby anymore.
hira12
by on May. 1, 2013 at 4:59 PM


sounds like a perfect plan....she refuses to visit us in US because my parents live in the same city! Good for me thou :D


Thanks!

Quoting cherkahn1:

My mil is exactly the same, but lives in Italy.

Rise above it all and don't take it personally. They are risking their relationship with their son and grandchildren, and they should be ashamed. But they won't change so don't let it be your problem. Be nice but keep to yourself and try to keep visits with them to minimum. I won't even discuss my mil with hubby anymore.



chillemi78
by on May. 1, 2013 at 8:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd sit down with your husband, tell him you'd like to make this a fresh start with your MIL. Ask him if he could pass the word on to her so there isnt any akwardness and you two can start the visit on a positive note. Who knows? Maybe it will work. But if it doesn't and she is rude to you, then at least your husband knows you were willing to try. Also, if you have plans to see other family, let your husband know so he can pass it on to the family and they won't be surprised and think you left because you were unhappy, trying to be rude or whatever else she could accuse you of. Good luck!
MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 1, 2013 at 10:52 PM

 I've not been in this situation, but my momma always told me to be the bigger person. I'd go and be as sweet as you can be. Basically, go about your life as though nothing is wrong.

Good luck.

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2013 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Yuck, I don't think I'd even go. I guess if you do then just be very sweet, so your husband sees that you're making an effort.

hira12
by on May. 2, 2013 at 9:00 AM


He doesn't talk to her anymore, he stopped calling her after her behavior. He used to call her daily but all she did was complain of how he is the worse of her kids, he did everything..The only word she wants to hear about me is that we fight and even if i i breathe she will somehow make up a story and accuse me of destroying her life. 

Quoting chillemi78:

I'd sit down with your husband, tell him you'd like to make this a fresh start with your MIL. Ask him if he could pass the word on to her so there isnt any akwardness and you two can start the visit on a positive note. Who knows? Maybe it will work. But if it doesn't and she is rude to you, then at least your husband knows you were willing to try. Also, if you have plans to see other family, let your husband know so he can pass it on to the family and they won't be surprised and think you left because you were unhappy, trying to be rude or whatever else she could accuse you of. Good luck!



hira12
by on May. 2, 2013 at 9:02 AM


I do good but if someone starts yelling or something along those lines i have no clue what to do lol. I suck with words.

Quoting MomToovey:

 I've not been in this situation, but my momma always told me to be the bigger person. I'd go and be as sweet as you can be. Basically, go about your life as though nothing is wrong.

Good luck.



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