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If I treated DH the way he treats me...

Posted by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:25 AM
  • 11 Replies
He would probably hate me. We probably wouldn't be together. I have amazing patience. I love him. But I am beginning to realize that I don't like him anymore. He is selfish and unkind. I am pregnant, and I take care of OUR 2 year old all by myself, do 100% of the housework, work and go to school. He gets to sleep in. When I ask him to get up and spend time with us he tells me he needs his rest. HE needs his rest??? I am exhausted. It's not that I don't ask for help, I do. But it usually turns in to a fight. I can't believe how my life has turned out. If I had had a glimpse into my future when we first got together, I don't think I would have ever dated him. So unhappy. And sad. I'm angry at him and I'm angry at myself for putting up with this. No one in my life sees. According to my family he is an amazing husband and father. Ugh.
by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:25 AM
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by on May. 3, 2013 at 12:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry :(

Maybe you could try getting him into marriage counselling or something? If you talking about it is just causing a fight sometimes a mediator helps...

by Trica on May. 3, 2013 at 10:55 PM

I agree counseling to help to see from the outside looking in!


by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:06 PM
1 mom liked this

i am going thru the same stuff too! :\ completely understand

by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:06 PM
Counseling won't help. He's a deadbeat. If you can do it all by yourself now, then what's stopping you from leaving him?
by on May. 4, 2013 at 1:04 AM

It's better to be in no marriage than a horrible one! 

by on May. 4, 2013 at 1:17 AM

Does he work? If so, what does he do? (not that it matters... he should be helping)

My suggestion, counseling.... and go on strike! Don't cook for him, clean for him, etc. I've done it to my DF (only once and that was enough) for him to realize how much I do around the house. When I was down and not able to move because of my Endometrosis and Migraines he had to work, get the kids off to school, cook dinner, clean house, help the kids with homework, etc. I liteerally had to crawl to the bathroom. He learned really fast that he had to help with things around the house and not to EXPECT me to do everything. 

by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:11 AM

 If he doesnt listen when you talk to him or if he interrupts or is too busy thinking of what he is going to say in defense when you try to talk to him about these issues, then write him a loving caring but serious heartfelt letter so you can get your feelings and concerns across without being interrupted. Make sure to use a lot of "I" statements like I Feel like, I am worried about, I I need, I want instead of accusatory you statements that make all people shut down and tune you out and get defensive like YOu always, you never, Its your fault, etc. Let him know you are only writing this letter not only bc of your own feelings and concerns but becaue your marriage to him and future together with him is important to you and that you very much want to be happy with him and want you both to have a fair and happy and balanced and long lasting relationship bc he is important to you, but that you have to take tlc of you too in order to be the best mom and wife you can be you CANT be running on empty all the time, its just impossible and that you think its only fair to get back from a relatinship the effort energy care and sacrifice you put into it. Give him some compliments of what you ARE Happy with and grateful for that he does right so he knows you DO notice the good things (think of some to list even if its hard it will make him more receptive and acceptive of constructive criticism). Let him know your relationship is so important to you that if you two cant make improvements SOON on your own working as a team together on it that you care enough and think your marriage is worth getting some marriage couneseling for and you hope he feels the same way Let him know not only will it help you with the issues you two have but it will help strengthen and enrich the good parts of your relationship too. : ) Try to make it sound positive and helpful and like a good thing not like consequences or a punishment. This will keep him more likely to be cooperative. Good luck sweetie. HUGS


by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:12 AM

 PS It doesnt matter what other people outside the two of you think or see, they dont see behind closed doors in private and they dont live your daily life and they cant feel your feelings. This is about you and your s/o NOT about outside parties no matter how much those other parties care about you two.


by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:19 AM
Thats rough :( Im sorry you have to put up with that. I can understand to a degree, we only have one kid right now but i do everything. He works so he thinks thats entitled him to get to sleep more and just relax and do whatever he wants at home. We've had several arguments over it and hes just now realizing how hes been. Your dh needs a reality check. Hes being selfish and he needs to step up and be a father.
by Marianne on May. 4, 2013 at 4:22 PM

 I'm so sorry momma. I agree that maybe counseling might be in order. Good luck. ((HUGS))

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