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Niece getting married

Posted by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:09 AM
  • 22 Replies

 My niece is graduating from high school next month and her and her bf are getting married today with the blessings of both parents.  Would you prefer your kids lived with their partners for a while or would you prefer they get married?  My niece is now 18 and personally I'd rather young people should live together first as opposed to getting married so young. 

by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:09 AM
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by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 6:17 AM
I would prefer they get married before living together. Dh funny enough is the first guy I ever moved in with and I ended up marrying him but it doesn't always work like that. If the love is there between them two they are going to do great things and young marriages last. Enjoy the wedding
by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:26 AM
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 I understand and respect those who don't believe in living together before marriage. I am pretty open and respectful of all belief and faith systems, however with our own 5 young adults as well as with my husband and myself we STRONGLY believe in living together FIRST. We understand this is a widely divided controversial subject and I Understand both sides, but like I said for our loved ones we feel strongly that there are many more benefits to living together first.

In me and my husbands case, our living together first only 100% confirmed to us that we would be happily married as well and we were on the right track together and couldnt imagine not being together always.

We had a few of our young adult kids in some long lasting serious exclusive relationships that EVERYONE thought for sure they were getting married at some point and they thought they would too (not officially engaged but talked about it and talked about kids too) but then after living together issues came up that there is no way they would have realized existed if they hadnt lived together and they were dealbreakers and so they were very sad but broke up knowing it was never going to work in a life long marriage bc they were more different with irreconciable differences they hadnt realized just as exclusive daters not living together. All our 5 young adult kids no matter how in love they are with someone NONE of them believe in rushing into marriages either bc they saw the consequences and damages that last a lifetime from their dad and I having married other people too young for wrong reasons at wrong time without thinking it all thru carefully and so many people including us suffered immensely bc of such a mistake, so now thankfully all 5 of our kids have very high standards and are very careful and are not in any rush, they want to be 100% sure and cover all their bases and be cautious before stepping into a marriage (none of whom are married as of yet - they are almost 18 to almost 26 so far) Currently 1 son has been in exclusive relationship with his boyfriend for 2 yrs and they are looking for apt to move in together asap now. 1 daughter has been in live in relationship with boyfriend of 3 yrs and they believe they will be together forever so far but not sure if they believe in marriage at all or not but "feel" married and act like it.  3 of the others have been in previous live in relationships long term and talked about marriage but found fatal flaws in relationships that ended those relationships and as devasted as they were (our 3 kids ended the relationships in all 3 of those cases- they were hearbroken but still were grateful to realize the fatal flaws of those relatinships that would have destroyed a marriage with those poeple in the future BEFORE marrying them  and that also makes them take those lessons and be even more careful with future poeple they date.)


by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:29 AM

 PS despite me and my families own beliefs and preferences to live together first, we understand and acknowledge there are plenty of couples including young ones who get married without living togehter first and have long lasting happy marriages too. My parents for example got married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 24 and this month they will be celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary and are still VERY much in love and dote on one another and are also bff's. They never lived together before marriage (although they did go against their religious beliefs and got pregnant with me before geting married lol she was 3 mos pregnant at her catholic wedding with me lol ).


by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:36 AM
I have told my kids don't bother looking for support for a marriage before 22. Since nobody has had a serious person in their life its easier to get in their heads. I wouldn't like them living together either but better than married. 18 year olds should be in college, single, going overseas to see the world. Adventure! I knew and loved my husband at 18 but we didn't marry till after college.
by on May. 4, 2013 at 7:55 AM
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I would like my kids married before living together. That's just me. I would hope my kids don't want to marry at 18, I want them to go to college and see the world and enjoy their young adult life, then settle down and get married.
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 8:19 AM

We prefer marriage before living together. 

Dh and I never lived together before marriage. We dated all through HS, and even while in college before we got married, we lived with our parents. We did not live together until after we were stationed in ND when Dh was in the AF. We got married in December 95' and got stationed in ND in March 96'. 

It was a very easy adjustment for both of us. We've been married for 17 years now and together for 22 years. 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by Marianne on May. 4, 2013 at 4:30 PM

 I don't think living together is a requirement before getting married, but I always struggle with people marrying so young. I'm more worried that one day one or the other will realize they've had no time to figure out who they are or what person they truly need as a spouse and it'll end up in heartbreak.

I know it's not always the case, but it happens more than it doesn't. There should never be a rush to get married.

by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 4:32 PM

I honestly can not say how I feel.  Some people are ready to get married at a young age.  I was 19 when I got married to my husband.  We have been married for 23 + years now. 

Then on the other hand there are some that should live together before they get married. 

by on May. 4, 2013 at 4:32 PM
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I would rather my boys lived with their spouse for a while first. If i didn't live with my hubs first i would have killed him. Everything he does drives me bonkers I'm glad i knew it going into the marriage
by on May. 5, 2013 at 6:45 AM

 I lived with dh for a year before we got married and I would rather my kids did the same. 

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