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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Am i the only person feeling alone in a relationship?

Posted by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:20 AM
  • 18 Replies


where to start? i'm new to this..

i've been in my relationship for almost 4 years and together we have a son, who is 20 months old. my partner and i went to school together but never spoke in school as we were from completely different groups and to be quite frank, i couldn't stand him or his friends. once we left school, we began emailing and talking via msn. he became my bestfriend, helped me with problems, was there when i needed him most and helped me leave a relationship where i was being taken for granted and didn't belong in. he made me see that i deserved better. he wanted more but i didn't, instead i wanted to be with an ex boyfriend who treated me terrible. my bestfriend asked, why wouldn't i give him a chance? so i thought exactly that, why!? what have i got to lose?!

he was the perfect boyfriend aswel as my bestfriend. he knew when to have a serious conversation but he always knew how to have a laugh, he always made me laugh. he never took anything too seriously.

things have changed. he no longer laughs, ever. i can't remember the last time he looked or seemed happy. i enjoy playing with my son, and i ask him to come and join in but he much prefers sitting at the computer playing computer games. on a sunday (twice, maybe three times a month) he goes out on his scambler (off roding motorbike) with friends, thats the only time he goes out, so I suppose I can't complain with that. but when he's here, he may aswel not be as he just sits in the corner on his computer all the time.

I've asked him several times if he still loves me and wants to be here and he says yes and he doesn't know what he'd do without me! when our son is in bed, I sit and watch tv. I talk to him but he doesn't listen as he is too engrossed in his games. I talk to the wall, well atleast thats how i feel. I'm fed up, lonely and bored. We have no conversation, no spark, nothing.

I've been diagnosed with severe depression, and although I know it's the past adding to it, I know another reason for making me feel so down is because I feel like I'm in a dead end relationship. Unhappy, lonely and unwanted. I need someone to talk to as I feel I have no one.

Is there anyone out there? Anyone who can talk, maybe someone who is in or has been in the same situation as I am. I would love to hear from you, even if you haven't been in this situation, even if you just want to talk then that would make me happy.

Hope to hear from you soon :) sorry for the rant, by the way!

by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
findingserenity
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2013 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Its ok.im with u there..dont marry this guy.if u can.. Meet people,go out,develop a hobby... Keep yourself busy. My husband is like that.except we were never bff..and he never made me laugh.
SimplySinead
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:35 AM

We've spoke about marriage but he isn't ready, he said when he is I'll be the first to know and that one day we'll definitely be married, just not yet. I've been so desperate to be engaged but now I know, if he does ask then I'll say no as I'm really not happy!

atmsmom2011
by Member on May. 5, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Don't beat yourself up but he needs to know there is a problem
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2013 at 8:40 AM

 sit and talk with him. A real heart to heart. Ask him what he wants from your relationship. Tell him what you would like. Tell him your hopes and dreams for your little family. See if he shares them . Ash him how much he willing to compromise so that you are both happy. This will let you see just where your relationship is headed and if you want to still be in it. Hugs momma.

AlannaMaria
by Alanna on May. 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
I would have third person and you sit him down and tell him how you feel alone, and unwanted. Sometimes it's easier to have a therapist to help get your thoughts and feelings across and help find ways to bring you close again. It's so easy to become disconnect and it's hard to reconnect because all these feelings come up and you just distance yourselves even more from each other. Maybe you could plan a little weekend getaway and that would give you the chance to reconnect and be close. Good luck Hun.
SimplySinead
by on May. 5, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Thank you so much, for your input. I've told him before and he says he'll change. Which he does, for a few days, couple of weeks at the most and then he goes back to it again. If he isn't glued to the computer then his phone is stuck to his head playing another stupid game.

I don't think therapy would work, he isn't that sort of person. And I feel like a cow as I'm always bringing issues up that he doesn't see as a problem. And then as he's saying he doesn't understand why it's a problem, I'm left feeling, wait- why is it a problem? And I wonder why I'm making such a fuss. But I'm so alone.

A few nights ago, I asked him to come sit with me and we'd talk and then watch a movie. He came over and put the movie on. Then I said to him, I asked if we could talk. He said if we're not watching the film then I'll go back on my game, I only came over cos you said you wanted to watch a film. But I didn't, I said, I wanted to talk THEN watch the film!  Any way, I said I wanted a break. One night a week. Just one night where he could go to his parents and stay, so he could sit on his game or sit with his phone and do things he wanted to do and then I could have my time. My time to just sit here, relax and do my own thing. He said he's always sat in the corner anyway so why would it make a difference if he's sat in the corner or not here. But if he wasnt here i'd have time to think. I'd have space. It wouldn't be like he would be gone all day. He'd still spend the day here, he'd just go at night and come back the next morning. But he got upset/mad and said I sound like Big from SATC (Sex and the city) wanting a part time relationship. He just doesn't understand!!!

pittymama
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2013 at 3:17 PM

i've been there. during my pregnancy and shortly after our DD was born, we went through some major falling outs but wanted to work through our issues. our daughter is almost a year old and we're finally getting to the point where we are totally happy again, have that spark back, etc... but it took A LOT of work and you both have to be willing to put in the work if you want it to. if you aren't happy but you want to be with him, go talk to a counseler. figure it out for yourself and take it from there.

pittymama
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2013 at 3:19 PM

it's sooo easy to become disconnected! it happened in my marriage and it got worse and worse without either of us really knowing what was happening. it took a lot of work to get back to where we are now.

i personally think it's normal to hit a rough patch or rough patches before you figure out what you (and him) need to do.

Quoting AlannaMaria:

I would have third person and you sit him down and tell him how you feel alone, and unwanted. Sometimes it's easier to have a therapist to help get your thoughts and feelings across and help find ways to bring you close again. It's so easy to become disconnect and it's hard to reconnect because all these feelings come up and you just distance yourselves even more from each other. Maybe you could plan a little weekend getaway and that would give you the chance to reconnect and be close. Good luck Hun.


Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2013 at 9:00 PM

He's addicted to the games, I don't really know what to tell you besides don't marry him and don't have any more children with him. I feel for you, I really do, but if he doesn't want to change he won't.

Snapdragon88
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2013 at 9:43 PM
I've been there! I told my husband that he if he didn't stop playing those STUPID F'N games and missing all the important family time, he would find himself alone real quick. I asked him, "Why am I even here?! It's not like you would miss me if I was gone because all you do is stare at that computer. I deserve better. Our SON deserves better." I had told him that a few times before, but I think he could tell I was at the end of my rope with that nonsense.

That was 3 years ago and we haven't had a problem sense. He's even about to graduate with his Mechanical Engineering degree :) There is no way he could have done that while being as addicted to his games as he was.

You need to let him know what you need to feel loved. Freaking spell it out to him. Men are funny that way. And if he says, "I don't see why it's a problem..." About ANYTHING that you say... Tell him that it matters to you and therefor should matter to him. Don't let him make you feel like your feelings aren't valid. You're just going to have to put your foot down. There is no reason for a grown man to neglect his family because of a computer.

I don't understand the break thing though.... I'm not really sure what you're hoping to get out of that, lol. You're upset because he doesn't spend enough time with you... Yet you want him to spend the night somewhere else??
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