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im not talking to you :P

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM
  • 22 Replies

So im going to try to explain as much as possible without going on .If you seen my other posts you know i have issues with my husband and all his hobbies every weekend( quading fishing hunting etc, all of wich he does with his family) My dh has a nice enough family but i think im figuring some stuff out and want  some opinions. 3 yrs ago when we got together i knew my mil doesnt speak with one of her brothers and never really asked to many questions. Well about 2 yrs ago something happened and she stopped speaking to her sister, for immature resons( not showing up for a nieces baseball game) im sure there are two sides to the story that i dont know and maybe more to it than i hear. Well my in laws were over lastinght and mil was saying how she now doesnt speak to her other sister now because the one had turned her against my mil??????ya ok!!!Upon further talking i guess the brother she does not speak to is because he chose his wife over quading and and the fishing and hunting all the time i mean he would still go but not at their beck and call and i guess that drove this wedge between them. Well my husband always uses his family against me when he wants to go do these things  saying they are mad at me and how he's losing his relationship with them! We live in the same small town  a few blocks away from brothers and parents ,we probably see them 3 times  a week. They are all beginning to treat me differently and prob think im a bitch because i want family time with my husband and son once a weekend and dont want him to go quading or whatever. So is it just me or is it wierd to not speak to 3 siblings? iused to think they were such  a great tight knit family but the longer im in it, their  beginning to seem more like 2 faced liars. I was almost believing that they deserved to be a bit upset with me for keeping dh home sometimes. But i think thhis family will be the reason i ever get divorced or disowwned!!!!!!!!

by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:42 AM
2 moms liked this

Ugh - that's so annoying!

They sound almost as if it's family first and foremost and everyone else is a distance second.  I think that they may not be as "accepting" of outsiders as they seem to be - especially when one of them chooses their significant other over them.  That's almost cult-like and it's wrong.  The reasons they are not on speaking terms is petty and points to that fact.  Your husband SHOULD be doing things with you and his own little family and others need to understand that.  I agree with you - if this continues, his family will be the reason you get divorced or disowned - because they seem to marginalize everyone else that is not of blood relation. 

Ultimately, your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down on all of this and stand up to his family.  He needs to set those boundaries and be firm with them.  He also needs to choose what's more important and open his eyes to the fact that he's placing you and your children a distant second out of some obligation to his blood relations.  In essence, he's neglecting you and your kids' needs. 

shann77
by Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:46 AM
i couldn't have said it better!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ugh - that's so annoying!

They sound almost as if it's family first and foremost and everyone else is a distance second.  I think that they may not be as "accepting" of outsiders as they seem to be - especially when one of them chooses their significant other over them.  That's almost cult-like and it's wrong.  The reasons they are not on speaking terms is petty and points to that fact.  Your husband SHOULD be doing things with you and his own little family and others need to understand that.  I agree with you - if this continues, his family will be the reason you get divorced or disowned - because they seem to marginalize everyone else that is not of blood relation. 

Ultimately, your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down on all of this and stand up to his family.  He needs to set those boundaries and be firm with them.  He also needs to choose what's more important and open his eyes to the fact that he's placing you and your children a distant second out of some obligation to his blood relations.  In essence, he's neglecting you and your kids' needs. 


lillybug222
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Yikes. Your husband needs his hobbies, but if hobbies come before his family, there's a problem. If he is choosing his hobbies & your in-laws over you & his kids, then I'm worried for you. His mother seems vindictive & manipulative.
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2lilmamas
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:51 AM
I think your hubby needs to set boundaries before it gets any uglier.
CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:53 AM


I'm sorry you have to go through this.  Have you spoken to him about it? 

Quoting shann77:

i couldn't have said it better!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ugh - that's so annoying!

They sound almost as if it's family first and foremost and everyone else is a distance second.  I think that they may not be as "accepting" of outsiders as they seem to be - especially when one of them chooses their significant other over them.  That's almost cult-like and it's wrong.  The reasons they are not on speaking terms is petty and points to that fact.  Your husband SHOULD be doing things with you and his own little family and others need to understand that.  I agree with you - if this continues, his family will be the reason you get divorced or disowned - because they seem to marginalize everyone else that is not of blood relation. 

Ultimately, your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down on all of this and stand up to his family.  He needs to set those boundaries and be firm with them.  He also needs to choose what's more important and open his eyes to the fact that he's placing you and your children a distant second out of some obligation to his blood relations.  In essence, he's neglecting you and your kids' needs. 




Rosamv
by Member on May. 7, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

When two people get married they are two become one and forsake all others.  Which means your spouse should be your main priority.  Your husband should be spending more time with you and your children, not his mother and other family members.  It seems he is more concerned about his family than you.  MIL should not meddle.  You have every right to expect that your husband spend time you with you on the weekends.  The brother she doesn't speak with made the right choice.

shann77
by Member on May. 7, 2013 at 10:19 AM

 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this.  Have you spoken to him about it? 

Quoting shann77:

i couldn't have said it better!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ugh - that's so annoying!

They sound almost as if it's family first and foremost and everyone else is a distance second.  I think that they may not be as "accepting" of outsiders as they seem to be - especially when one of them chooses their significant other over them.  That's almost cult-like and it's wrong.  The reasons they are not on speaking terms is petty and points to that fact.  Your husband SHOULD be doing things with you and his own little family and others need to understand that.  I agree with you - if this continues, his family will be the reason you get divorced or disowned - because they seem to marginalize everyone else that is not of blood relation. 

Ultimately, your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down on all of this and stand up to his family.  He needs to set those boundaries and be firm with them.  He also needs to choose what's more important and open his eyes to the fact that he's placing you and your children a distant second out of some obligation to his blood relations.  In essence, he's neglecting you and your kids' needs. 


 

 

I have to a certain extent, as far as him going out he doesnt see the problem cause its something he's always done seen his father do and his brother is the same(his wife doesnt care, but thats not me). As far as the family and his mother i dont want to come between them, they are very close and im just hoping one day he will see through her crap on his own. I mean after our conversation lastnight how could he not. I know dh doesnt like confrontation AT ALL, so i almost think he can see what i see but would never dare act upon it. God forbid he be the black sheep that stood up to these people.

 

berlgirl1224
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2013 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I see it this way.. There are two days in a weekend, my husband works hard all week. If he wants to go out 1 day a weekend, cool. But he is gonna hang with us the other! And he does. We actually all like fishing and boating so we all do that as a family so it's no biggie but Saturdays when it's nice he is usually gone and Sundays he is home or we are all out together
CameronsMommy23
by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:25 AM
I agree with this. Your husband needs to set things right.

Quoting Rosamv:

When two people get married they are two become one and forsake all others.  Which means your spouse should be your main priority.  Your husband should be spending more time with you and your children, not his mother and other family members.  It seems he is more concerned about his family than you.  MIL should not meddle.  You have every right to expect that your husband spend time you with you on the weekends.  The brother she doesn't speak with made the right choice.

Mommyof5247
by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:30 AM
I agree that it is cult-like & your husband needs to set boundaries. It's actually quite strange & creepy to me that they live so close & have this intrusive matriarch bully them away from their families & the commitments they made to those families. He IS neglecting your needs.
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ugh - that's so annoying!

They sound almost as if it's family first and foremost and everyone else is a distance second.  I think that they may not be as "accepting" of outsiders as they seem to be - especially when one of them chooses their significant other over them.  That's almost cult-like and it's wrong.  The reasons they are not on speaking terms is petty and points to that fact.  Your husband SHOULD be doing things with you and his own little family and others need to understand that.  I agree with you - if this continues, his family will be the reason you get divorced or disowned - because they seem to marginalize everyone else that is not of blood relation. 

Ultimately, your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down on all of this and stand up to his family.  He needs to set those boundaries and be firm with them.  He also needs to choose what's more important and open his eyes to the fact that he's placing you and your children a distant second out of some obligation to his blood relations.  In essence, he's neglecting you and your kids' needs. 

SAHM BM of DS17, DD14, DD2, DD3mo. & CSM of SD7 & SS5

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