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Husbands Should Divorce Wives Who Get Fat?!

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM
  • 27 Replies

'Hated for Being Beautiful' Writer Now Says Husbands Should Divorce Wives Who Get Fat

by Maressa Brown

couple walking A few years back, I heard about a guy who was given a free pass by his buddies to stray from his marriage ... all because his wife had "let herself go" -- aka she had put on weight (likely as a result of carrying their daughter) and struggled to take it off. And somehow, that was a legitimate enough reason to some people that this husband should be unfaithful! Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me.

Unfortunately, this is a popular belief, held by even some women. Like Samantha Brick, the Daily Mail writer, who made our hair stand on end a while back with her column about other women hating her for "being too beautiful." Unsurprisingly, Brick is attempting to piss the whole of the web off once again with a new story, which takes on the Dove "Real Beauty" sketches campaign and claims only one type of woman can be considered attractive -- a thin one. Plus, "nothing signals failure more than fat." Thus, men are right to divorce a woman if she puts on weight. OMFG.

Specifically, Brick writes:

I have only ever dated men who kept a strict eye on my figure. My partners are not only boyfriends but weight-loss coaches. My first love continually reminded me that one can never be too rich or too thin, and my husband of five years frequently tells me that if I put on weight he will divorce me.

Yeah, cuz that's healthy! This woman is either pulling our chains or could use some serious psychotherapy. Oh, to be fair, we all have issues. Most women I know have struggled with extra pounds -- maybe just baby weight, maybe their whole lives -- at one time or another. It's called being human. And if your significant other values you more for a number on a scale than who you actually are as a person, that's all sorts of screwed up. What's more, women who are somehow OKAY with that -- like Samantha Brick -- break my heart.

More from The Stir: Dear Samantha Brick: I Am Sorry for Being a Sexist Jerk

Don't get me wrong. I believe in taking care of your body -- working out, eating right, being assertive about your health care. We should want to be our best selves for our partner, and of course be attractive to them, too. But we also all go through health highs and lows over the course of our lives, and if your partner's willing to call the relationship quits because you happen to be struggling at a particular time, how much could they genuinely care?

Since meeting my fiance more than six years ago, my weight has been slightly up, way down, way up (thanks to hormonal health issues), and slowly back down again (thanks to an aggressive, holistic healthy lifestyle overhaul). We want to have children, and despite my plan to be very health conscious throughout my pregnancy, I'll gain some weight. And then I'll have to take it off again. And I rest assured my future husband will understand and respect that and love me even if I put on weight and have to take it off again several more times over the course of our lives. I know, because he's already stuck with and supported me through challenging fluctuations.

It happens. Just like there will be times when you're ahead and behind financially. Or hello, what about "in sickness and in health"? True love and commitment means sticking with your partner through superficial and maybe even more significant changes. Loving them for who they ACTUALLY are, not for what the scale says they are.

Growing up, we're taught to keep "fair weather" friends at an arm's length. Who needs someone like that who isn't really going to be there for you through thick and thin? Similarly, the concept of being married to a "fair weight" spouse is not only sad -- but it strikes me as utterly pointless.

How do you feel about this idea that men should be given a free pass to cheat on/leave a woman who puts on weight? Do you agree your partner should support you no matter what size you happen to be?

by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 Ignorance given by idiots who refuse to grow up.

I am so thankful I married a Man who loves me no matter what. I still turned him on when I was at my heaviest, and he loved and supports me now while I am losing the weight. Likewise, I still loved him when he started gaining weight, and was still turned on by him.

by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Thats nor right. Its easier for a woman to gain weight and men should be supportive. Marriage is suppose through thick and thin. Not for lust and beauty.
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Super sad. Id been divorced in the first year if my hubby had this mindset, since i got pregnant. There are health conditions that cause weight gain too and its not always "letting yourself go". Thank goodness my husband loves me for me.
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by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I could only see divorce being justified in a case where a spouse developed serious health issues and refused to do anything about it. And I say spouse because it goes both ways, not just if a wife gains weight.
by Member on May. 7, 2013 at 10:15 AM
2 moms liked this

Why even bother rehashing such drivel, and giving this woman even MORE press?  Just ignore the stupidity and move on.

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief"  Gerry Spence

by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:21 AM
How ignorant. If your partner doesn't accept you and support you all the time then you should divorce their a$$! Women who perpetuate crap like this are just insecure in themselves and look for acceptance in men who tell them what to do, how to look, etc
by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:40 AM
This is very sad IMO. It's also very ridiculous. When you love someone you're supposed to stand by them through everything. You're supposed to help them, support them, and love them no matter what they look like. Looks should not matter. If a man can divorce his wife for gaining weight then he must have not really cared about her that much in the first place. It breaks my heart to read this. It's sad that some women feel this is right. We are beautiful no matter how much we weigh or how much wrinkles we have or how our face looks. Marriage should be based on a lot more than those things. It should be about what's on the inside, that's what matters the most. Women should have better self esteems. They deserve better than that from their partners. Instead of divorcing them, they should try and help them get healthier.
I am beyond thankful to have a wonderful man that loves me just the way i am. I know I have gained some weight since having our daughter, but he doesn't care at all. He doesn't make me feel like I'm unattractive. He actually makes me feel very beautiful and very desirable. I know that he would never leave me over something so ridiculous. We love each other for who we are, not for what we look like. I'm so thankful to have him in my life.
by Casey on May. 7, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Well, by that line of thinking *I* should be given a free pass because my husband is the one of us who has gained a large amount of weight over the years, I'm still the same. Extra weight in physical manifestations like a double chin and a huge belly isn't any more attractive on a man than it is a woman. This just seems to me like yet another double standard. 

by Charlotte on May. 7, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Then I feel we should divorce our men for going bald and getting a beer belly!!!!

by on May. 7, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Cheat? No, that is never ok. Leave someone who is disgusting to you? Yes, I can understand that. It all depends on each situation, and if the partner is comfortable with the weight gain, how much weight gain is happening, what kind of health issues or work issues or even financial issues that brings, etc. It's a lot more than just the looks of someone who is overweight or obese to consider. 

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