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How do you deal with being overly sensitive in your relationship?

Posted by on May. 10, 2013 at 10:16 AM
  • 14 Replies

What to Do When You're the 'Emotional One' in Your Marriage

by Kristen Chase

The good and bad of being the emotional one in your marriageIn my marriage, I'm what you might call "the emotional one," or "over-emotional" depending on who you talk to. And I'm totally okay with that, especially since my husband is the complete opposite. 

But what I'm learning is that every quality we have can help and hurt a relationship. The challenge is how you find balance in something you love about yourself so that it actually helps and not hurts your marriage.

So as the emotional one, I'm the one who celebrates, who whoops it up for big and small things, which I think is wonderful to have in a family. And I'm all for honoring feelings and the ability to express them in a safe way.

But being super expressive has its downsides, many of which I wish I could change and a few that have caused issues in my relationship, especially now that I'm "super expressive with a side of hormones." I'm pretty sure having four kids has added a whole new layer to how I express and deal with my emotions.

For example, once I get spun up or upset about something, especially when I'm PMSing (what's up with that?), I can get escalated pretty quickly into a tizzy of loud talking (sometimes yelling) and tears.

It's sort of like someone blew up the Hoover Dam.

I do my best to rebuild things as quickly as possible, or separate myself from the situation so that I can breathe and think, but hey, I'm human, and unfortunately I'm not always able to keep it together.

I can also be really sensitive and often take things too personally. Instead of just rationally saying something about whatever was said or done or communicating my feelings appropriately, it becomes a BFD, when really it's not even a deal at all.

I'm pretty sure the first step to dealing with anything is identifying that you have a problem, which in this case is two-sided: I want to be emotionally available, but I don't want to let that interfere with my relationship with my husband.

But the next step is creating coping skills and cues to help keep myself in check as best I can. I'll share those with you next week.

How do you deal with being overly sensitive in your relationship?

by on May. 10, 2013 at 10:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 I'm like that and do the same things you do to calm myself down. My DH, however, also tends to be sensitive and takes things personally that aren't personal AT. ALL. lol

by on May. 10, 2013 at 10:34 AM

I am usually not very emotional or sensetive, but when I'm on period, everything makes me cry and hurts my feelings. DH knows this, I know this, and he'll just hold me while I cry, and then things are fine. 

by on May. 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM
Oh lord I'm having an issue with that right now. DH is a huge jokester and he can't turn it off and I take things to the heart and get hurt feelings. Instead of me saying something (cause I come off bit**y) I hold it in. I will just have an attitude for something he has no idea about! Ugh. I dont know how to talk. I'm actually having issues approaching him for sex :( he HATES it
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I don't; he deals with it.  I do give him a heads up though so he can keep his distance, do something nice, or give me some free time so that I can either explode or cheer up depending on what I need. 

by on May. 10, 2013 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not. I suppress emotion.

by on May. 10, 2013 at 12:02 PM
I own it. I dont blame someone elae for my feelings, especially when Im PMSing. I apologise and state whatever it is thats making me more emotional than normal. Sometimes its stress, sometimes its PMS, sometimes its bc I had a bad day. My DF gets it amd I warn him if its one of THOSE days and we work with it.
by Casey on May. 10, 2013 at 12:28 PM
My husband accuses me of being a robot. I'm completely unemotional, I tend to dislike emotional people. He's a huge baby, he's the emotionally needy one.
by on May. 10, 2013 at 12:41 PM

I'm very sensitive and my husband once in a while says some "bonehead" thing. But I let him know that my feelings were hurt over something he's said and I ask for an explanation on why he said it. It's usually fine after we talk and he apologizes. It's very rare but it happens.

by on May. 10, 2013 at 1:39 PM

I take a few deep breaths and walk away. No one sees my tears, for fear they will be used against me.  I am very wary of even normal conversations with my step daughter for this very reason.  She can be brutal, unkind and accusatory when ti comes to ANYTHING I do.  I am reminded I am only a stepmother, that has no right to question or comment about her & my husbands relationship.

by on May. 10, 2013 at 5:49 PM

I don't like the term "overly sensitive" as if being naturally emotional is a bad thing. It's just part of who you are. Why try to change that? Sure, there are always better ways of dealing with things rather than throwing tantrums, but I'd much rather feel my feelings in an extraordinary way than not be able to express myself at all. 

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