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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

At a crossroad in life

Posted by on May. 10, 2013 at 3:37 PM
  • 9 Replies

Ever since I came off my anti depressants last year I have been so fed up with everything. I've been married for 12 years and I'm growing and changing and he's just the same guy  I married 12 year ago. Our anniversary was last month and it really sucked, the worst one so far. I had a friend watch the kids over night and we went out for dinner. I was so full after dinner we just came home. I just wanted quality time with him, I was on my period and wasn't in the mood. But that didn't stop him from wiping it out and whacking off. I'm so tired of our relationship only being about sex. He tells me if you just give me sex every other day I will do whatever you want. Which is a freaking lie, I put out two days in a row because he had the day off. He didn't do half the work I will have too the next two days trying to get everything back to together by Monday. I asked for him to do the chores for Mother's Day. He did a half ass job on dishes and didn't even sweep before he mopped the floor. I work full time too and he thinks he's superior to me. He told me last night it's my day off I should be able to rest and relax. He just lied around getting stoned all day. I asked him to play outside with the kids after dinner and no he just wanted to lay in my lap and take a nap at 6 pm.  WTF I feel so used by him and I'm not happy. He know I'm not happy and thinks sex will solve everything. My kids aren't happy.

We are going to try marriage counseling but I'm just think it's another band aid holding us together for a few more months. I can't see myself living like this five years down the road. Thanks for reading any advice would be lovely.

by on May. 10, 2013 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-9):
MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 10, 2013 at 10:32 PM

 I'm so sorry you're going through this, momma.

The only constructive thing I have to say is that marriage counseling can't work unless both of you are 100% committed to the relationship and making it work.

Good luck. ((HUGS))

MMerrill
by Melissa on May. 10, 2013 at 10:34 PM

I think you're right about it being a temporary fix... I'd say give it one last try and see how it goes.  I'm all for working things out in a marriage, but if you are THAT miserable then maybe it's time to close that chapter in your life.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on May. 10, 2013 at 10:56 PM

I don't know, I think any adult that spends all day just laying around getting stoned is pretty much a sorry piece of shit. This isn't college Dude, you're a grown up now. 

Deb79
by on May. 11, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Yep. He has a bad back and that has been his crutch for the last few months. He won't go and get an mri or pain meds. And the pot just makes him lazy. Last night he barely talked to me and cut me off everytime I opened my mouth. I can't deal with it I'm getting depressed again.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know, I think any adult that spends all day just laying around getting stoned is pretty much a sorry piece of shit. This isn't college Dude, you're a grown up now. 

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2013 at 9:34 AM
I'm so sorry. :(

If you stopped taking your mesa to try and be "stronger" per say than the pills good for you. But maybe you need them. And that ok. It is ok to feel sad sometimes. Feel frustrated.

Your situation would frustrate the hell out of me, to be honest I would have beat the ever loving shit out of him. He needs to step it up. He shouldn't be laying around getting stoned.

If you both arent committed to the therapy, it won't work. I say 100% give it a shot. Def. Try your meds again. And see where you are. If you are still unhappy and most of all if your babies are unhappy it is time.for a serious one on one with yourself. Exam like you said , where do YOU. Want to be in 5 yrs.

If you don't see him wanting to be there in 5 yrs then say goodbye. :(

I'm so sorry
Deb79
by on May. 14, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Thank you. I think the pills helped with the depression.and anxiety but put me in a fog where I couldn't stand up for myself. Next time I go to the Dr. I will talk about it to her.

Quoting justpeachy71904:

I'm so sorry. :(



If you stopped taking your mesa to try and be "stronger" per say than the pills good for you. But maybe you need them. And that ok. It is ok to feel sad sometimes. Feel frustrated.



Your situation would frustrate the hell out of me, to be honest I would have beat the ever loving shit out of him. He needs to step it up. He shouldn't be laying around getting stoned.



If you both arent committed to the therapy, it won't work. I say 100% give it a shot. Def. Try your meds again. And see where you are. If you are still unhappy and most of all if your babies are unhappy it is time.for a serious one on one with yourself. Exam like you said , where do YOU. Want to be in 5 yrs.



If you don't see him wanting to be there in 5 yrs then say goodbye. :(



I'm so sorry
createive
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 6:22 PM

If you love him and want to be married to him go to counselling.

if you want to move on note: divorce it tough. I'm there and married to another wonderful man but the road sucks. Two homes, divided income, email fights, kids confused it is a pay off. Oh the lawyers, errrr...

I don't like the getting stoned thing. A litte hoooch her eand there, but an all day hinderance...

Or maybe go back on your meds? And do individual counseling and marital at the sam time and try to get perspective.

12 years a long time. A monogamous relationship is the most challenging but most rewarding thing I have endeavored. (besides for my babies) We're all changing, or not changing.

RitzCrackerz
by on May. 14, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I agree, my parents did it and my dad stopped going said it wasn't helping. That is because he didn't want to try to work it out. 

Quoting MomToovey:

 I'm so sorry you're going through this, momma.

The only constructive thing I have to say is that marriage counseling can't work unless both of you are 100% committed to the relationship and making it work.

Good luck. ((HUGS))


tbhmommy
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 8:47 PM

i feel the same exact way. and it seems to me more women are not as happy anymore with their marriage...i am tired of answering to him.. i want my own life....im sorry you are going through this...but we women need to remember we do not need these assholes...

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