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Need advice? Should I be annoyed?

Posted by on May. 12, 2013 at 8:22 PM
  • 7 Replies

We have neighbors our age with kids the same age as ours. We all tried being friends when we first moved in but found that we are not compatible. As time went on, we try to be civil but it is clear that the husband hates my guts. He has always been nice to my husband, but outright rude to me. He has even talked about me sarcastically to his wife while I was standing right next to him.  "I don't like fake people, honey. Do YOU like fake people?"  He said this randomly while I was standing there having a conversation with her. The other day I dropped a Congrats card off because they just had a new baby and the guy rolled his eyes, and when I said congratualtions, he looked me in the eye and walked away...then asked my daughter for a hug. I was so stunned that I froze and my eyes immediately began to water. It's one thing when another woman is that rude, but from a guy---especially the eye rolling---it was very intimidating. I was in tears by the time we got home. I told my husband about the experience (again fighting tears) and he agreed we should just NOT have contact with these people anymore.

So today my husband was mowing the lawn and the guy drives by and pulls over to chat. My husband stood there for a couple minutes small talking with him. When he came inside he casually told me that he chatted with him and told him congratualtions, blah blah, blah.

I was SO MAD! And hurt. I wanted my husband to be mad and hurt for me and at least give this guy the cold shoulder to let him know "my wife told me what you did and I don't approve". But he didn;t. My husband is a nice guy, yes, and says he doesn't want to be rude. I get that. But the other guy was rude to me!

We just fought about this for so long that I am too exhausted to talk about it anymore. Am I being unreasonable to be hurt that my husband wasn't more annoyed at the guy for me?

I have to see this couple a lot more than my husband does and I just know they will gang up on me again.

by on May. 12, 2013 at 8:22 PM
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Replies (1-7):
by on May. 12, 2013 at 8:40 PM
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I am sorry that your neighbor is so rude... but I'm not sure why that's your husband's fault. Your husband should not stoop to childishness just because your neighbor is a jerk. He talked for 2 minutes and said congrats. The only thing I might be annoyed about is my SO probably would have said something in the convo like.. " please don't disrespect my wife" or something similar. Acting like nothing was wrong is a little annoying, I agree.
by on May. 12, 2013 at 8:47 PM

Thanks for replying. I agree with you, he shouldn't stoop to the other guy's level. But like you said, I feel like because there was no acknowledgement at ALL about what happened the other day, it makes it seem like he condones this guy acting this way to me. The night I told him about the whole thing he was pissed and upset, and it made me feel better knowing he was on my side. I just wish he could have at least been like, "Did you get my wife's CARD?".  Some acknowledgement that he knows exactly what happened that day.

by on May. 13, 2013 at 3:07 AM

 im sorry hugs

I am so sorry for your hurt etc. especially when all you were trying to do is be a nice neighbor and kind caring person. I can understand why you feel hurt your husband didnt say anything to the man when he talked to him and I am glad your husband was protective of and comforting to you the night you told him about it.

I had to think about this answer for a bit bc I think it's a little bit of a sticky situation just because of the fact that if you guys stoop to the neighbors level in behavior and words and actions things could keep getting worse and worse and uglier and uglier and the next thing you know it could be like living in hell having to live near them and then you are trapped or wishing you could move etc. You don't want that.... so I think what I would do and talk it over CLEARLY and DETAILED with hubby and by end of conversation make sure you and he are on the SAME page and in agreement so there is no more misunderstandings or hurt feelings.... I think what I would do in your situation is IF you happen to pass by your neighbors in your comings and goings and if they smile or wave or say Hi I would politely civilly do the same but not say or do anything extra that would encourage full blown conversations or visiting etc. I would not bring them any more cards or gifts for any reason. I would not go to their yard or home for any reason. I would not invite them over. If they started a conversation with me o my husband I would agree with hubby that we would stick to basic to the point just polite civil answers but would not encourage the conversation or lengthen it beyond necessary and then make excuse as to why we need to cut it short and get going every time and eventually they would get the idea that you are friendly civil people but you are NOT Their friends and they are certtainly NOT your friends.

I hope this helps.

HUGS good luck


by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 3:20 AM
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I kinda get where you are coming from.  It's not that you want your husband to "stoop" and be mad at this neighbor too, but it would be nice if he would defend you.  I know that I would feel betrayed if my husband was hobnobbing with "the enemy!" :)  The reason why I get you (long story short) is that my mother and I are not on speaking term, but my husband still talks to her occasionally via FB.  Kinda annoys me.  He says that as long as I am not mentioned in the conversation, then there is no reason they cannot still keep the peace.  I wonder if that is your husband's point of view as well.  I would love if my husband would give my mother an earful on my behalf, but I know that its my battle and not his.

by on May. 15, 2013 at 5:57 AM
I think you and your dh may have to agree to disagree; it's a really useful marriage tool. But sorry about your ass neighbor, it really pisses me off! Don't you just wanna know what his problem is? Or at least get him back? But the best thing is to stay away from them. Hopefully they will move!
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2013 at 7:40 AM

I get what your saying also, yet I see very good points in the other replies...

As for me, my personality would not let my husband stand up for me (it drives him crazy) I would of said something to the neighbor right on the spot... 

But since you didn't, I suggest you just keep to yourselves and pay them no mind. It's better then fighting with them or being emotionally abused by him,... (thinking he may be attracted to you and this is his way to put distance between you guys)..

by Platinum Member on May. 18, 2013 at 12:17 AM

I don't think it's unreasonable to be hurt.  Unfortunately for a lot of guys they have to actually witness the rudeness to act on it.  That said, you are an adult are you not?   You can't control how the couple acts toward you but you can control how you respond to it.  Just remind yourself that bullies don't deserve you giving them power over you and keep going. 

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