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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

we have a nanny+DH watched movie..

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Hi. I need you guys!

I had to go back to work full time and as we have 2 kids we got a full time live-in nanny for the past 3.5 months. My DH has been diagnosed with depression, so he has been home as well.

On Saturday morning I saw he had watched the movie "The Housekeeper" which is a movie about a Korean nanny who has a wild affair with the man of the house. It is explicit and sexual and he locked the movie somehow (Netflix) so I can't watch it.

I am sooo upset. He "cancelled" mothers day and said he didn't want to celebrate (even though 2 days before he said he wanted to make my mom and I brunch and he bought bacon and eggs etc.

What would you do?
I told him it was incredibly disrespectful to watch that movie in our house! All he said was "ok" (instead of sorry or anything like that).

What would you do?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 13, 2013 at 6:22 AM
Replies (21-27):
hburnette3
by on May. 14, 2013 at 3:02 PM

no it's not the nanny's fault and yes he will still cheat if he wants to.  but she don't have to make it wasy for him.


Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:


I have depression and I take care of the kids just fine.  I'm rather severe, with PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder, Intermittent Insomnia, etc.

Your DH is making excuses.  Is he in treatment?  Is he on medication?

People are saying fire the Nanny...WHY?  She didn't do anything wrong?  If the DH has a mind to cheat and use his depression as an excuse, he'll do it with someone else.

Firing the Nanny would be a "bandaid" solution.  If he's looking or has a mind to, he'll go elsewhere.  The more important thing might be to get to the bottom of what is going wrong in the relationship.  Ask to go with him to therapy and bring up your concerns there.  Even if you feel you get NOWHERE with it that session, at least now his therapist knows it is out there and can talk to him one on one.

If he isn't in therapy, then you are are ENABLING HIM.  Stop coddling because of depression.  Yes, it sucks.  Yes, it has major impact on your life.  But no, it is NOT an excuse to sit around doing nothing, fantasizing about fucking nannies, etc.  So draw a line and tell him to shape up or ship out.  There is no reason you need to let him walk all over you and your feelings because he is depressed.

And this is coming from a woman who has been battling her own demons for 7 years now.  I know it isn't easy, but dammit he's either going to commit to change and making something of himself or he's going to wallow in his diagnosis and live the rest of his days using it as an excuse and a crutch to get what he wants from people.  And there isn't a DAMNED thing you can do to change how he decides to approach this.  But don't you dare let him treat you like dirt because of his problems.  A mistake or something once in a while is going to happen, but sitting around at home creating trouble like this?  Inexcusable.  Depression doesn't make you stupid or ignorant, you don't forget right and wrong!

Quoting Samantha431:

The problem is that he has been diagnosed with depression so I need someone of sound mind(like the nanny) to take care of my very little kids.





goddiddlyumshis
by on May. 14, 2013 at 3:03 PM
..someone doesnt trust their husband.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on May. 14, 2013 at 3:47 PM


I say if she is a good Nanny who wouldn't sleep with a customer, then keep the Nanny ditch the man.

Quoting hburnette3:

no it's not the nanny's fault and yes he will still cheat if he wants to.  but she don't have to make it wasy for him.


Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:


I have depression and I take care of the kids just fine.  I'm rather severe, with PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder, Intermittent Insomnia, etc.

Your DH is making excuses.  Is he in treatment?  Is he on medication?

People are saying fire the Nanny...WHY?  She didn't do anything wrong?  If the DH has a mind to cheat and use his depression as an excuse, he'll do it with someone else.

Firing the Nanny would be a "bandaid" solution.  If he's looking or has a mind to, he'll go elsewhere.  The more important thing might be to get to the bottom of what is going wrong in the relationship.  Ask to go with him to therapy and bring up your concerns there.  Even if you feel you get NOWHERE with it that session, at least now his therapist knows it is out there and can talk to him one on one.

If he isn't in therapy, then you are are ENABLING HIM.  Stop coddling because of depression.  Yes, it sucks.  Yes, it has major impact on your life.  But no, it is NOT an excuse to sit around doing nothing, fantasizing about fucking nannies, etc.  So draw a line and tell him to shape up or ship out.  There is no reason you need to let him walk all over you and your feelings because he is depressed.

And this is coming from a woman who has been battling her own demons for 7 years now.  I know it isn't easy, but dammit he's either going to commit to change and making something of himself or he's going to wallow in his diagnosis and live the rest of his days using it as an excuse and a crutch to get what he wants from people.  And there isn't a DAMNED thing you can do to change how he decides to approach this.  But don't you dare let him treat you like dirt because of his problems.  A mistake or something once in a while is going to happen, but sitting around at home creating trouble like this?  Inexcusable.  Depression doesn't make you stupid or ignorant, you don't forget right and wrong!

Quoting Samantha431:

The problem is that he has been diagnosed with depression so I need someone of sound mind(like the nanny) to take care of my very little kids.







knix03
by on May. 14, 2013 at 3:52 PM

So if you are getting married then your DF can't watch 'The Wedding Planner' or 'The Wedding Singer'. It is a movie. It isn't like he was home making out with the nanny. I think you are over reacting a bit. 

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 3:59 PM
Ummm he locked it? a. Either he doesn't want you to see it because he doesn't want you to get any weird ideas in your head or b. Because he doesn't want you to think about it and be caught. I think if he is home he needs to be the one taking care of the kids. Get on some lexapro or something. He won't have time to be depressed.
kalejames2010
by Annette on May. 14, 2013 at 4:48 PM
Then I would put them in a day care. No need to have hubby and nanny in a house together with sleeping kids.

Quoting Samantha431:

The problem is that he has been diagnosed with depression so I need someone of sound mind(like the nanny) to take care of my very little kids.
Mom2Kyle03
by Member on May. 14, 2013 at 5:07 PM

Why do you need a nanny if your husband is home??

in loveGina

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