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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How to divide the workload with a new baby

Posted by on May. 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM
  • 11 Replies
I just had my son, graduated college, and moved across the state two weeks ago (literally all happened within 3 days). The to do list has become very overwhelming now and I feel like I'm doing everything. My boyfriend and I live together and he just got a job 4 days ago which I'm very excited about, but now he's doing very little at home. He wakes up and takes the only car to work, I never know when he'll be home until he walks in the door and he can't text or call all day. He gets home between 3 and 6. I'm happy he's working, but that leaves me doing the cooking, laundry, cleaning, child caring, unpacking, etc. Once he's home he'll hold our son for a bit and sit on the couch until bed, usually he will feed a bottle and change a diaper. When he's tired he just goes to bed, no help, nothing. Meanwhile I'm up till midnight and then up all night with the baby. His thought is I should do all that because I get to stay home all day while he works. I know I am home more, but I still feel he should help. Anyone have advice? Should I be responsible for all household chores? If not, ideas on how to divide the work? Also I will be starting work in a month and he will be leaving for a 6 month period in 3 months.
by on May. 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
OliviaW.
by on May. 18, 2013 at 8:56 AM
He should be helping with your child when he gets home, you both created the baby it wasn't all you. Have you guys tried having a calm talk about what you think eachother's responsibilities should be?

I'm a SAHM. I have 2 kids under 3 plus I take care of all the inside work and most of the outside too. I choose to because while I mow hubby can have time alone with the kids, plus my gardens and other stuff give me time to relax.
nicole2884
by on May. 18, 2013 at 6:35 PM
I would expect help with the baby an occasionally with cooking
It would be ideal for him to cook once a week to give me a break

But yes once I become a sahm in September I'm responsible for house work

Take it one room at a time an take breaks
AlannaMaria
by on May. 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I'm a SAHM and I do the majority of the housework. I personally don't mind. If I ask my husband to help he has no problem helping and on his days off he does a ton to help. He has always been great with helping with the kids. I've never had to tell or ask him to help when it comes to the kids. I would talk with him and ask him for some help with out making him feel attacked and watch your tone when you ask him. Sorry mama.
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on May. 19, 2013 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to be flat out honest with you. You can "try" to divide an equitable work load, but you will always be the one to end up doing more. Always. It's just the way it is. Just ask him if he can help you by cleaning up after himself. That way, you have one less child to clean up after. 

MizzBooslady
by on May. 19, 2013 at 1:48 PM

I never asked my husband to do any house work when he's been working all day. Thats my job. Now I may ask him to help give the kids their plates, help with bath time and pajamas. Other than that I do eveyrthing else. Now if its his day off-you are cleaning SOMETHING. dont care if its yard work, taking out the trash or doing a load of laundry. not gonna let you have a whole lazy day to yourself.

 

i would ask him to help with some of the unpacking on his days off, and if he's helping as far as diaper changes and bottle feeding then thats good. see if he doesnt mind putting baby to sleep some nights. right now, most of the household duties will rely on you. you can do it mama. being a first time mom is hard, but you'll be going with the flow like its natural real soon i promise!!! <3 congrats on the baby, your graduation and the move!

carinsmommy
by on May. 19, 2013 at 9:16 PM

 Work or not my husband has always helped with the house work and children. It doesn't matter to us. I work all day then come home and take care of what I can. He does what he can in the morning before going to work, and then goes to work. The two times I've been on maternity leave and stayed home we still do this. He was a stay at home dad for a short while and knows that this is hard work. So neither of us do all the work.
It doesn't matter if one of you stays home or not. A marriage is a partnership and you have to find a balance that works for both of you. There is nothing wrong with needing help. And if you do then your husband should be more than willing to do so.

shortyshorts25
by on May. 19, 2013 at 10:01 PM
My dh helps with most things ( not so much right now but he's taken a ton of side projects) he is always telling me he feels bad but I know he's trying to get us a second car so I can do things during the day ( food shop, take kids to appts, etc) with out asking for help but when he's not working so much he always does the dishes and at least puts the girls to bed .. he always does yard work, takes out trash .. it's a balance and you should def have a talk with him.. tell.him how you feel and ask him how he's feeling.. communication is key! Also don't be afraid to say "hey hun, could you take care of the baby for a little bit so I can take a shower" or whatever just to have a minute for you
rockinmomto2
by on May. 19, 2013 at 10:10 PM

This is absolutely a conversation that should have taken place before you had a baby. When our kids were that little, DH was on burp and diaper duty. I was a SAHM then (as I am now), so the majority of the housework fell to me, even during moves. That's just the way it is. But when he came home from work, it was his turn with the baby. Holding, playing, changing, etc. Most of the time they would fall asleep together. 

If I can be quite honest, there's no reason for you to be up until midnight and up all night with the baby. I got my kids all on a pretty decent schedule starting when they got home from the hospital. Eat, bath, changed, eat again, bed. Usually asleep by 9:30, and then they'd be up again around 1:30 when they were tiny, around 2:30 when they were a bit older. Schedules are your best friend right now, and getting the baby on your schedule is the way to go.

MamaKarrot
by Member on May. 19, 2013 at 11:13 PM

When I was a SAHM I expected help with the kids so I could get dinner made and take a shower in the evenings, and for my DH to clean up any messes he himself made. For us, it didn't seem fair to expect him to get up in the middle of the night with a newborn if he had to be at work at 7am.  I could nap in the afternoons since I was home so I usually took over that night stuff.  

MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 20, 2013 at 12:20 PM

 I did all the work around the house and didn't have a problem with that, but I did want my husband to bond with our daughter. So whenever he was home, he was helping out with diaper changes, cuddles, everything.

This doesn't really have much to do with anything, but why are you staying up until midnight? Especially with waking up all the time at night to feed, you'll do much better if you can go to bed sooner.

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