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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Husband only cares about $ - need advice

Posted by on May. 18, 2013 at 10:58 AM
  • 10 Replies

My husband got a job and he is very happy and would love to support him, but now he asked to come in a few hours earlier for his precious overtime and they said yes. He used to get up at 5:00am to be there at 6am, now he gets up about 3am to get there at 4am. He doesn't do anything but work and sleep, does not cook as he used or ANYTHING. He was suppose to work 3rd shift after a month and it hasn't happened yet. He sleeps in the living room because he snores so the other night he slept from when he got home until 8:30pm! I couldn't cook dinner or anything because I would make noise-the rooms are connecting. Yesterday I came home and he said now they want me to start work at 3am. I told him to tell them you can't. They are taking advantage now! He looks awful and is not eating right, he ONLY cares about $$$$$!! He can't care THAT much when you disrupt the family and their daily lives. He will not even sleep in the bedroom and take a nap, this has been an on going problem. I told him last night that he is selfish and he got mad and slept in his car til midnight! REALLY? We need to move cuz the place is way too small, but can't.

Advice please

by on May. 18, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2013 at 11:11 AM
It sounds like he wants to keep at it for as long as it takes to get your guys to a better place financially. Your last sentence says you need to move because your place is small. Moving to a bigger place is probably one of the things your husband is working towards. I understand being concerned for his health, but I would try being more supportive since he's working so hard. Cook for him even when he's sleeping. It's better to be disturbed a bit than to not eat. Maybe pack him a healthy lunch while you're at it. This way his health doesn't have to suffer the way it seems to be right now.
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ddhb2007
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Are you working, or is he solely responsible for supporting your family? If he's the only one working, then you need to adjust to his schedule.
villagemamma
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Thats tough. if i was in your position i would be really sad at the lack of quality time and concern for his health but you also have to remember that males get an almost animalistic drive about providing for their families. His hard work and dedication is all for you guys.

JDsWifey
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:58 PM

First of all, I can understand your frustration with the lack of quality time with your husband and concern for his wellbeing. However, I am assuming that he is working long hours in order to earn money to take care of  his family and give you all a better life. Often, the new person on a job gets the short end of the stick and has to work his/her way up to a better schedule. I'm fairly certain that he is not choosing to work long odd hours because he enjoys being away from you, he is doing it to earn the right to demand better hours and pay on  his job and he probably has goals in mind for your family (perhaps being able to afford a bigger place to live, for one). You can and should talk to him about how you are feeling, but try to be supportive as much as you can as well. Perhaps cooking and packing meals for him would help. Like I said, I can understand how you are feeling (my husband is working in another town and I don't see him AT ALL during the week and only on some weekends out of the month), but there are many women that have the opposite complaint and have men that are lazy and will not or do not work or at least who don't make enough money to properly provide for the needs of the family.

NicolesMommy
by on May. 18, 2013 at 5:15 PM

I have been working, buying groceries, etc. He finally got this job and he wants to put in as many hours as possible because he owes the IRS and he wants to pay it off faster, not be on a payment plan. It is not about FAMILY, its all about HIM!

AlannaMaria
by Alanna on May. 18, 2013 at 7:52 PM
That's tough. Have you mentioned therapy? This happens quite often where the husband puts work first and neglects to spend time with his family. He needs to find a balance. Good luck! I would have a long talk with him with out attacking him. *hugs*
weaveress
by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 8:09 PM
Be thankful he can get extra time it won't last forever. And men don't think like women. My dh plans for years ahead while I see the damage done everyday to our kids lives by his absence
ddhb2007
by Bronze Member on May. 19, 2013 at 12:04 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting NicolesMommy:

I have been working, buying groceries, etc. He finally got this job and he wants to put in as many hours as possible because he owes the IRS and he wants to pay it off faster, not be on a payment plan. It is not about FAMILY, its all about HIM!




You do realize that the money owed to the IRS impacts the family, right. That debt lowers the amount of money you can use to buy a home, rent a bigger or closer place, participate in activities, etc. This is not just about him. This is about him making a better life for ALL of you in the long term, even though it sucks right now.
98765
by Silver Member on May. 19, 2013 at 6:28 AM

Exactly this. When I read what you said here, it all made sense and then I would have to agree with him. If it were my husband I would not complain and I would "allow" him to do whatever necessary to pay off that debt. Why don't you talk him? Ask him if once thats paid off will he be "back"? And set some ground rules. If you have to make dinner, then he goes into the BR. If he sleeps on the ouch, life goes on as normal and he has to deal. Thats what I would do. Oh, and also, I would THANK HIM for working so hard to get out of this situation. 


Quoting ddhb2007:

Quoting NicolesMommy:

I have been working, buying groceries, etc. He finally got this job and he wants to put in as many hours as possible because he owes the IRS and he wants to pay it off faster, not be on a payment plan. It is not about FAMILY, its all about HIM!




You do realize that the money owed to the IRS impacts the family, right. That debt lowers the amount of money you can use to buy a home, rent a bigger or closer place, participate in activities, etc. This is not just about him. This is about him making a better life for ALL of you in the long term, even though it sucks right now.



justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on May. 19, 2013 at 7:13 AM
Awww. I mean he sounds like he has good intentions. Is this the first time he has had the opportunity to put your family ahead?

Have you spoken to him gently about how this is affecting him? Affecting your family? I mean without screaming and yelling. But be gentle.

If this post were about him spending money I would feel different but he is trying to take care of you guys I feel so different. But it is having a bad effect on his body he has gone too far
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