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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I need help!!! What would you do?

Posted by on May. 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM
  • 13 Replies

I've been married since 12/12/12, and I knew my dh had 2 dwis before we got married, he was irresponsible and had no job for half of last year, when he does have a job it lasts only a few months due to him going to a hiring agency that most jobs just last that long. Anyways, we dated two years ago for a couple of months, and I broke up with him because he drank, and got drunk every day and I didn't want someone like that. But we remaind friends through those 2 years and finally got back together but I had told him he had to quit drinking and get a job before we started dating again, which he did. I told him that I'd be ok if he had a couple of drinks here or there, but not everyday. So we went to a restaurant about a moth ago, and he had too much to drink, after I wanted him to stop. When we got home he wanted to go see his friend and I asked him not to leave, I tried to get his keys, he wouldn't let me take them from him and he took off! Well he got his 3rd DWI that night NHL doesn't make enough money to even pay for the car to get out of impound so I had to pay for it! (The car is in my name or I would of left it there!)  anyways, this 3 rd one is going to be soooo expensive, and he's still paying on his 2nd one plus he has $1600 fine he hasn't started to pay for! I'm not going to pay for any of this I told him! I have a house my dad bought me that I want to leave to my kids and I'm afraid if he did this again someone could sue me cause we are married and I'd be screwed that much more! Plus I am basically supporting him! I don't need another kid to support! Am I wrong to feel this way? I do love him but I don't love all this crap! 

by on May. 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kgsharber
by Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Why is he drinking? He really needs someinpatient therapy. He is an alcoholic. He may not drink everyday, but when he does he clearly has zero control. Please do not up and leave him when he need syou most, but also do not go and get pregnant by him. Help lead him to resources that can help him, this is beyond your capabilities, he needs to see a doc.

side note: Someone cannot sue you for your home, so I wouldn't worry about that.

browneyedbitty
by Member on May. 20, 2013 at 10:30 AM
I am so sorry. He needs help, an alcoholic cannot have a drink or two every now and then. That will not work. If he quits he needs to distance himsrlf from friends or situation that would trigger him to want to drink. You have to stop supporting him!!! He has to fix himself, you cant. The best thing you can do is not support his habit. There is a great tv show called Intervention, I recommend watching it. Tough love, he needs a wake up call. My dad is an alcoholic and my dh was a drug addict before we married. Pm me if you want to talk. On mobile so it is hard to write.
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on May. 20, 2013 at 10:35 AM

You married a menace to society. You're lucky he didn't kill someone. I have zero tolerance for drunk driving. You can't afford to stay married to this person unless he goes to rehab or joins AA. You would think the cost of 2 DWI's would have stopped him, but now you are just in a hole. They very much CAN put a lein on your home if he doesn't pay his fines. Does he have to serve jail time? Is he going to permanantly lose his license? He should, he obviously can't be trusted with one. How on earth is he going to get to a job with no way to drive there? I wouldn't hire someone like that. So, you're going to support an alcoholic loser for the rest of your life. Good luck with that. 

MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 20, 2013 at 12:59 PM

 I agree that I have zero tolerance for drunk driving. I actually lost a friend 14 years ago thanks to someone who was too drunk to drive.

If he can't get the help he needs, you need to get out. If he can't get better, he's going to get worse. And just cost you more and more money. And if the car's in your name and everything, you're going to be held responsible for at least some of the damage at some point. Save yourself and your children and get out.

I do wish you the best of luck.

deedee51065
by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Thanks for all of the comments. I know I need to leave him. He just makes it so hard on me telling me hes going to kill himself and he would do anything to stay married to me. He has got a new job where he can walk to work only a couple of miles away from the house
e and he hasn't gone to court yet. He goes in a couple of weeks. He has no one that will let him stay with them so I was going to let him save a little money to hopefully get his own place so he can have his same job and support himself. Thanks for listening.
deedee51065
by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:53 AM
Oops its not a couple of miles its blocks. Lol sorry. Too early.
furbabymum
by on May. 21, 2013 at 10:51 AM

Ummmm............I'd have left him ages ago. I take drinking and driving very seriously. Don't wait around for him to kill someone or you.

deedee51065
by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:24 AM

That's another problem, he won't leave. In my state I have to go through evicting him. He has no one that will take him in or no money to go get a place himself.

Two_Hearts
by on May. 21, 2013 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this

go that route than.

You don't need this and your children do not need this, he is not being responsible nor is he being what a husband should be.


Quoting deedee51065:

That's another problem, he won't leave. In my state I have to go through evicting him. He has no one that will take him in or no money to go get a place himself.


IQuitCounting
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Addicts/alcoholics can't be helped unless they want help.  He needs to be able to recognize that he can't be expected to act reasonably when it comes to alcohol and needs to either give it up, or allow others to help him moderate.  If he can't do that, things will never change.  And who knows, the next time he might kill someone instead of just getting a ticket.

He's an adult and you can't expect to be held responsible for him however you can't ignore the behavior either.  So you have to either commit to trying to help him get help, or commit to separating yourself from him.  Maybe the first and then if that doesn't work the second.  There are AA meetings everywhere, all the time, daily.  You can Google it for your area.  But again, it won't help if he doesn't want the help.  He may need a larger nudge, he may need you to put your foot down and kick his a$s out.  That may not work either and you have to be prepared for that.

Our family has experience dealing with addicts, and unfortunately we've been faced with having to simply cut someone off and let them flounder on their own.  There comes a point where you have to put yourself and your kids ahead of trying to save the person with the problem, you help no one if you let them bring you down.

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