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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know

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DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know

by The Stir Bloggers 

wedding bandsMaking the decision to kiss your single life goodbye and commit to one person for the rest of your life is pretty darn huge, to say the least. And while most of us go into marriage assuming there will be good times, bad times, and everything in between -- generally we figure we'll live happily ever after in one way or another.

But you know what puts a real damper on a seemingly good marriage? Shitty in-laws. Who have never done a damn thing for you and never will, and who have never bothered to do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship with them is healthy -- even if deep down inside they absolutely can't stand you. (People with half a conscience know how to fake it.)

And you know what the worst part of having horrible in-laws is? Odds are good you knew they were awful before you walked down the aisle and said, "I do."

But when you're in love (or think you're in love) and in the midst of planning a wedding and entering the next major chapter of your life, you tend to let things like your future in-laws treating you like garbage fall to the wayside. You figure the relationship will get better as soon as you're a part of their family.

That's exactly what I thought would happen to me -- but it didn't. Actually, from the moment I had a wedding band on my finger, things got progressively worse and worse over the years. And now it's to the point where sometimes I want to find a time machine and go back to my wedding day, kidnap myself, and ride off into the sunset alone to save me from a life of being related through marriage to people who obviously despise me and seem to go out of their way to remind me of that every chance they get.

That being said, I'd like to go ahead and issue a warning -- no, make that an ORDER -- to any future brides out there who are about to marry a man whose parents aren't kind, loving, accepting, insert any other warm and fuzzy adjective here.

DON'T MARRY HIM. I repeat -- DON'T MARRY HIM. 

If you do, you'll wind up regretting it someday. (Well, maybe not all of it if said marriage produces offspring -- but most of it.)

I don't care if you think he's "the one." I don't care how far along you are in the wedding planning process or how much money you've already spent. And I don't care if all your friends are getting married and you feel like you're the only one left and can't bear the thought of turning 30 and still being single.

DON'T MARRY HIM.

Trust me, several years later, when you're at a point where your marriage is teetering on the brink of failure, partly due to the issues his family has caused -- you'll wish you listened to me instead of making what will inevitably turn out to be the most disappointing choice of your life.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, make you miserable, or ruin your hopes and dreams with a few ranty paragraphs. I'm trying to SAVE you so you don't wind up frustrated, sad, confused, and unsure what direction you want the course of your life to take -- like me.

RUN. (Now.)

Have you thought about calling off your engagement because of your future in-laws? (What are you waiting for?)

by on May. 21, 2013 at 8:28 AM
Replies (11-20):
beeky
by Alexandra on May. 21, 2013 at 1:07 PM

We've been very lucky.  My in-laws are wonderful and have always treated me like one of the family.  It's the same thing for my husband with my family and both families get along well together.  We are literally one big happy family, but I can definitely understand how horrible in-laws can cause problems within a marriage.

CjEmmemommy
by on May. 21, 2013 at 1:59 PM

I didn't meet my in laws till after and I always say that was a good call on hubbies part! I wouldn't have stuck around for the crap show.

 We haven't spoken to them in nearly 5 years and it was off and on the few few years as well. 

deccaf
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2013 at 2:03 PM

I LOVE my in-laws.  And only if you live close is it a regular problem if you don't get along. 

nanasue31204
by Member on May. 21, 2013 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this
My in laws(mainly one of his sisters and his brother) don't like me, never have and most likely never will. They have tried breaking us up, prior to marriage and to this day 9 years later. My bil tries to convince my dh to cheat, knowing its the one thing that is a complete deal breaker for me, but dh puts him in his place, comes home and tells me. The only reason they have for not liking me is that dh and I met at 16/17 and fell in love from that first date. Neither one of us ever dated anyone else, we never kissed anyone else, never wanted to test the waters and try someone else out, we knew 100% that we were meant to be and through all the drama we never question that love and commitment. We've come close to breaking up twice due to something unrelated to in laws but neither of us wanted that, it was just laziness and fear that pushed us apart but we're stronger than ever now and about to renew our vows this summer. The in laws aren't invited because they completely destroyed out first wedding, it was so bad I can't even look at my photos from that day. 15 years together, going on 10 married, and there isn't anything that could change my mind about marrying my love. Even the bad times brought us closer and taught us about unconditional love so I would still take every single trial in our lives. The only thing I would change is I would have eloped and never wasted time and money on our wedding, or I'd do what we are doing with our renewal and just have us and the few people who always supported us.
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BonitaM
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2013 at 3:05 PM

No, we eloped instead.  His mom hated me, threatened to call the cops on me, harassed me for 8 years and finally one day we reached a truce.  Now she loves me and last year when my DH and I seperated she was on my side telling DH what a fool he was for letting me go and that he should take care of his family and so forth. 
I did make it clear to him and he agreed with me that once we were married we would be the only family we would ever need.  We were both willing to cut out anyone who was toxic to our relationship, fortunately that wasn't necessary.

xoxRachelxox
by on May. 21, 2013 at 4:38 PM

I say it depends on how he reacts to their not liking me. If he was okay with it, I wouldn't marry him. If he stood up for me, I would still marry him. 

Luckily, my in laws like me (or at least they act like they do) If they came out and said they didn't like me now, my husband would tell them to shove it. 

Verrine
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:12 PM

I think this is extreme. However, I don't know why my sister's boyfriend continued dating her after he met our mom and realized how rude she was, especially considering Sis lived with her. I'm grateful my DH didn't run for the hills.

villagemamma
by on May. 21, 2013 at 9:56 PM

My dh has no urge to have a relationship with his parents. They are really not good and emotionally unhealthy people. They used to like me when we first go together but once i refused to give them anymore money i became the enemy. DH cut them off completely

Freela
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2013 at 11:29 PM

I don't totally disagree. I have IL issues. I have always had IL issues. I knew that going in, but I underestimated how much it would bother me over time. I thought that things would somehow get easier, but they never really did.

That being said, I've been married to my husband for 15 years. We are, and have always been, very good together. He is the love of my life and I can't imagine not being married to him. Like any marriage, it takes work. We have put in the word (including marriage counseling at one point) and we are willing to continue putting in work. A lot of marriages fail for a lot of reasons... not liking ILs doesn't have to mean the marriage won't work.

That being said, I will definitely tell my kids that their lives will be easier if they like the future ILs. But do I regret marrying my husband? No. Absolutely not.

weaveress
by Member on May. 22, 2013 at 1:57 AM

sorry for your experience. but this is all rubbish. marriages don't fail because of inlaws. they fail because people don't put the effort into their relationships. 

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