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6 Reasons 'Upgrading' Your Engagement Ring Is Bad for Your Marriage

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:25 AM
  • 292 Replies
1 mom liked this

6 Reasons 'Upgrading' Your Engagement Ring Is Bad for Your Marriage

by Sasha Brown-Worsham

engagement ringFor many people who marry young, the engagement ring of their dreams is far, far out of their reach. I know when my husband and I married, I had dreams of multiple carats, but my graduate student husband had more affordable plans. We got the ring he could afford at the time, which is a lovely three-stone ring, a carat in the middle and a quarter carat on each side. I love it.

But now that we have been married 10 years, I am aware of the fact that what he could afford NOW would be much more grand. And when I hang out with local women, sometimes I am aware that their diamonds are just a bit more BLING than my pretty, subtle ring. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything.

Of course, I may be alone in that thinking. A lot of women think it's perfectly normal to upgrade or otherwise enhance or change up their wedding set. I don't judge it. Exactly. But I do wonder why. Here are 6 reasons to keep the ring you got at your wedding:

  1. It will keep you young: There isn't a time I look down at my finger and DON'T feel the same giddy 24-year-old excitement I felt the day he put that ring on my finger. My hands might be older now, but that eternal youth remains.
  2. He picked it: To me, there is just something wildly romantic about a man picking a ring for me himself. Regardless of whether it would be the ring I would choose myself, it's the ring HE chose and is, therefore, very romantic.
  3. More important things to spend money on: I don't know about you, but I would feel a little silly spending $25K on a diamond ring right now. We may be able to swing it (maybe), but I would feel terribly guilty and like that money would do better in my kid's college funds.
  4. Family heirlooms: The ring I pass on to my daughter needs to be the one her father gave me. Sure, I could buy myself a fancier one, but it wouldn't have the same meaning and story attached as the one he handed to me on the day he proposed.
  5. I love it: OK, OK, I admit that I do love my ring. If it were teensy tiny, I may feel differently, or if it was too crazy big and embarrassed me, I might not wear it, but I do think it's a good size and I love looking at it.
  6. It brings it all back: Sometimes I take off my wedding band and just look at the ring I wore for a year before we married while we still had youth and excitement on our side. Not sure I would feel that way about a different ring.

Would you ever "upgrade" your ring?

by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:25 AM
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by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2013 at 8:28 AM
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Mine is tiny and it was cheap but I'll never upgrade it. It's my ring and any other wouldn't hold the same meaning.
by on May. 23, 2013 at 8:39 AM
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I decided that I wanted to get a slightly bigger ring. We went out and picked out a new engagement ring and band. I got it and wore it for a couple of weeks and then I decided that I really did love my first ring. It had sentimental value to me so we returned the set I got and I've been wearing my original ring. I don't want a new ring, the one I have is mine and I love it. 

by YVONNE on May. 23, 2013 at 9:26 AM

 No I wouldnt upgrade it. I think it is perfect and beautiful and most important meaningful and sentimental. It's irreplaceable to me and he put his own love and thought and energy into choosing it for me as I did when I bought his ring.


by on May. 23, 2013 at 10:22 AM

No I wouldn't. The ring DH got for me is pretty small...he was only 19 when he proposed so he couldn't really afford a whole lot. But I love it and it means so much to me.

He did actually buy me an anniversary ring that matched my wedding band a few years back. I wear that with my wedding ring and I wear my engagement ring on the right hand. I never go a day without wearing it.

Though the ring was too big when he gave it to me and I didn't want to give it back to be resized. Now 10 years later it still needs to be risized lol I don't like parting with it.

by Alexandra on May. 23, 2013 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this

OMG I thought I was the only one that did that lol.  Sometimes when I take my rings off.  I will just put my engagement ring on and admire the simple elegance and remember the early years.

My rings aren't big and flashy.  They're showing the wear and tear of being worn every day for a very long time and that makes them all the more special to me.

by Amy on May. 23, 2013 at 10:57 AM
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Nope.  It's not the size or design that matters nearly as much as what it signifies.  The only change I would make is getting it coated (it's made of white gold, and the yellow underneath is starting to show).

by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 11:01 AM
I will not upgrade my ring. Maybe add another band, but I have no desire to trade in the ring he picked and placed on my finger. Any other ring will not have the same history of him getting down on one knee with the engagement band, nor can we go back to the day I first became his wife. I'd rather a vacation where we make memories rather than a bigger ring.
by on May. 23, 2013 at 11:04 AM

I lost my ring and we went and bought a new set...every time I looked at it I saw the price tag and the fact that I helped pick it out.

I took it back. I just have a cheap ring now in hopes that someday I will find that ring that that 17 yr old boy bought!

by on May. 23, 2013 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

We are upgrading to a 10k ring. My original ring was ruined so I unable to give it to my daughter. I did love it but hubby always wanted to upgrade it. Now that it's gone I might as well let him.

I would have felt silly spending the money if it wasn't in the budget but we have been saving  for it since vday (in a separate account) so when our anniversary comes in July we wont feel bad using the extra funds for that.

 The first one was special bc of the time in our life, that he wanted it for me and it meant all the future plans we had as young kids. The new one will be special for the same reasons and it will also remind us what we have accomplished. I helped pick the first one and hubby actually picked the second on his own... That means a lot too.


by on May. 23, 2013 at 11:08 AM
No. I've very happy with my ring. I do want an anniversary ring to add to my wedding set.
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