Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to get around this or confront it...

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:53 PM
  • 18 Replies

I am completely lost on how to deal with this issue with my mother in law and my husband.Only serious advice please...this is really bothering me


MIL is always super negative about DH...I mean she calls him names, tells him to basically eff off and is just very very disrespectful towards him in front of me, our daughters and pretty much everyone. Its driving me nuts. I don't know how to confront her about this as my husband kinda just shrugs it off. (he says he's used to it) But I can't stand bullying especially from a parent. MY parents never called me anything negative or names like that so I can't imagine calling my children names either...Its just so bizarre and disrespectful to me....what do I do???

by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amberk22
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:54 PM

I would just flat out tell he to stop and that it is disrespectful. Or you can tell her that you don't want your kids around that negativity so she needs to stop if she wants to see them.

PoplarGrove
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:55 PM

The next time she does it say to her "Don't talk  to/about  my husband like that".   You wouldn't let a stranger or aquaintance talk to or about him like that don't let her do it just because she's his mother (and it sounds like a pretty shitty mother at that)

polkaspots
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this
There's nothing you can do aside from limiting your children's exposure to her mistreatment of him. It's not your place to talk to her about it since she's not talking about you. I wouldn't be involved with anybody who mistreated my family like that, but that's just me.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PrinceMomma486
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Thats how I feel and its really hard to be around her because of it. She lives in a different state but when she comes to town, its just unbearable. She's like that with both her adult sons and it drives me crazy...

Quoting polkaspots:

There's nothing you can do aside from limiting your children's exposure to her mistreatment of him. It's not your place to talk to her about it since she's not talking about you. I wouldn't be involved with anybody who mistreated my family like that, but that's just me.


Jenn_A
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this

My MIL use to talk about my husband like that. In front of everyone, but to me the worst! Finally I stood up and told her to stop, that I don't tolerate people running down the ones I love. She turned on me in a split second! I went from being better than sliced bread, to being pond scum! But, my husband tolerated being bad-mouthed himself a LOT better than he tolerates me being the target. We see them about once every 6 months or so now.

polkaspots
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:02 PM
I don't understand how your dh let's her talk about him like that. I wouldn't let anybody in my home if they did that. I've dealt with comments here and there, but never such blatant disrespect. She wouldn't be in my kids' lives if she were my family. Idk. I'm starting to change my pov since you said she does that in your home. That kind of makes it your place to say something, but its weird your dh is okay with it.


Quoting PrinceMomma486:

Thats how I feel and its really hard to be around her because of it. She lives in a different state but when she comes to town, its just unbearable. She's like that with both her adult sons and it drives me crazy...

Quoting polkaspots:

There's nothing you can do aside from limiting your children's exposure to her mistreatment of him. It's not your place to talk to her about it since she's not talking about you. I wouldn't be involved with anybody who mistreated my family like that, but that's just me.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PrinceMomma486
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Well, like I mentioned...he says he is used to it, that he has dealt with it his whole life I guess...its sad really. I just hate my girls seeing that...it kinda gives them this strange warped view of parental relationships...

Quoting polkaspots:

I don't understand how your dh let's her talk about him like that. I wouldn't let anybody in my home if they did that. I've dealt with comments here and there, but never such blatant disrespect. She wouldn't be in my kids' lives if she were my family. Idk. I'm starting to change my pov since you said she does that in your home. That kind of makes it your place to say something, but its weird your dh is okay with it.


Quoting PrinceMomma486:

Thats how I feel and its really hard to be around her because of it. She lives in a different state but when she comes to town, its just unbearable. She's like that with both her adult sons and it drives me crazy...

Quoting polkaspots:

There's nothing you can do aside from limiting your children's exposure to her mistreatment of him. It's not your place to talk to her about it since she's not talking about you. I wouldn't be involved with anybody who mistreated my family like that, but that's just me.




RhiannonMare
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I understand being belittled by parents, because that's the way I was treated by my parents. My father is dead now and my mother lives several hours away in another state (and lives with my brother and SIL). It gets to the point where you shrug it off, but it still bothers you when they treat you like that. So I understand where your DH is coming from.

Definitely limit the time your kids are with your MIL. Make sure you let them know that that is not how you treat anyone. You can't change your MIL's behavior toward your DH, but you can make sure that she doesn't treat your children the same way.

SlightlyPerfect
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I agree. It's all about the children. Your husband can handle it privately if he feels it's necessary, but you have to confront her mother to mother. You have to show her how it can hurt your children (her grandchildren).

The problem is that if she's treated her son like this her whole life, chances are she sees nothing wrong is treating your children that way.

Quoting amberk22:

I would just flat out tell he to stop and that it is disrespectful. Or you can tell her that you don't want your kids around that negativity so she needs to stop if she wants to see them.


slightlyperfect

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:23 PM

He shrugs it off and says he's used to it?  Perhaps he's not seeing it from the right point of view.  Have you pointed out to him that her doing that in front of your girls and him allowing it, is teaching your daughters that he doesn't deserve to be respected?   And that it also runs the risk of teaching them that it's an acceptable way to treat others OR that it's an acceptable way for others to treat them.  If their Dad thinks it's ok to be talked to like that they may think it's ok & even expect to be talked to like that as they grow up.   This is about more that what's he's used to, it's about the example it's setting. 



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)