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Ladies with a spouse who is never home due to work EDIT PLEASE READ

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How do you keep your marriage healthy and in a positive space when you mate works away from home most of the week?  I knew there was something going on, but i couldn't put my finger on it.  On fathers day he asked for a divorce.  He said he isn't happy with himself and he cant focus on us until he is happy with him.  He said it would be selfish for him to ask me to wait for him.  I am more than willing to fight for my marriage, but i cant fight alone.  He said he doesnt want to do counseling, because he wont be into it.  Early Early this morning I asked him was he sure this was what he wanted, i asked him did he want to try a separation to give him to to himself, he agreed.  Apart of me feels like he agreed just for me, i will speak to him about it, i want him to do it because he wants to, not just for me.  I Love my husband and would love for us to make it through it.  I wont give up on us, if he wont.  We have decided after a few break downs this morning, loads of tears from the both of us and then calmly talking we are going to take a step back and evaluate see what changes need to be made, while growing, and taking our relationship day by day.  We are also going to meet with our pastor.

by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Trica on Jun. 16, 2013 at 11:40 PM
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 11:46 PM

My husband works away and is gone a minimum 6 days at a time. We have been doing it for 2 years now, our marriage has never been stronger. It could split us apart if we focused on the negative, but we focus on all of the good that comes from it. We value our time together so much more and make the most of it. We talk on the phone daily as he does with our girls. We are each others best friend. I always make myself available to him at any time while he is gone, and keep him as up to date on our lives as I can so he is still involved in our lives. We make it work. 

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:21 AM

Make the most of the time we do get. My hubby works 60 hours a week, he's hardly ever home. Before that, he was always on the road, we got to see him maybe twice to three times a month if we were lucky. It was hard on both of us, but we made the most of the time we did get, I would try to drive out to see him if I could and we spent loads of time talking on the phone when he wasn't working. When we got iphones we started Facetime and it helped.

On the otherside of that I grew up a truck drivers daughter, so I was used to not seeing my dad around and I understood that sacrifices had to be made and how precious time is when you do get to see them. I still cried every time he left, it killed me.

That kind of relationship is hard, I won't lie. Its really really hard. You have to work harder then most couples do, you remind yourself that they are doing what is needed right now and you have to do your part at home. Then when they are home, you spend as much time together as possible. Make it fun, suprise each other. You don't have to spend tons of money, but flowers would be nice or have family watch the kids for one night so you two can have time and then pick them up the next morning so that they can have time.

When we could we would go out and do something fun. You cherish the time you do get and make the most of it.

I did this for 10 years, 10 long years with my hubby. He works in town now, but we hardly see each other (60 hours a week Mon - Sat). Still we make time to sit and watch tv with each other, eat with each other as often as we can. I pack him lunchs from dinner the night before so he always has a good home cooked meal for lunch and so on.

by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:54 AM
dh works for a racing school and is gone all the time. He'll be gone anywhere between 1 to 6 weeks at a time. Sometimes he will only be home a day or two before he has to leave again. We spend lots of quality time together when he's home and we try to do lots of stuff together as a family. I really dislike his job sometimes but it allows me to stay home and he's doing what he loves.
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:24 AM

Constant communication. DH & I worked hand-in-hand for the first 5 years of our marriage,s o we had a strong foundation to go off of. I make him feel as involved as possible. We also have a great sex life and pick and choose our battles. Is this issue worth fighting over? Sometimes yes, but most often not.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:10 AM

We treasure the time that we do have. Dh tries to sneak in a daily phone call while on his way to work.

by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 3:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Him being gone a bit keeps our relationship healthy. ;) LOL

In all seriousness, you learn to make the most of the time you have together and appreciate all the little things. And it helps to be able to have a little break from each other, some independence, and some time to just plain MISS each other, IMO. At least, that's how it works for us. :)

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:01 AM
Texting keeps us going. We never see him. So when he has free time he spends it with the kids shower food bed.
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:08 AM

When he does have off we have dates but when he gets home and eats he falls straight to sleep, at first i got mad but he works a lot and what do I expect? It sucks though but it will change, I hope.... But we are fine, we aren't failing, made that he isn't home enough? Yes we both agree bout that but he wants to be the provider

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:16 AM
2 moms liked this

No offense, but sounds like a bunch of selfish BS from him, good luck.

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