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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Ladies with a spouse who is never home due to work EDIT PLEASE READ

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How do you keep your marriage healthy and in a positive space when you mate works away from home most of the week?  I knew there was something going on, but i couldn't put my finger on it.  On fathers day he asked for a divorce.  He said he isn't happy with himself and he cant focus on us until he is happy with him.  He said it would be selfish for him to ask me to wait for him.  I am more than willing to fight for my marriage, but i cant fight alone.  He said he doesnt want to do counseling, because he wont be into it.  Early Early this morning I asked him was he sure this was what he wanted, i asked him did he want to try a separation to give him to to himself, he agreed.  Apart of me feels like he agreed just for me, i will speak to him about it, i want him to do it because he wants to, not just for me.  I Love my husband and would love for us to make it through it.  I wont give up on us, if he wont.  We have decided after a few break downs this morning, loads of tears from the both of us and then calmly talking we are going to take a step back and evaluate see what changes need to be made, while growing, and taking our relationship day by day.  We are also going to meet with our pastor.

by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Replies (31-40):
jmlmomma
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:36 AM

wow... This hurts... I'm sorry.

Maybe he's just feeling over whelmed?? I hope the best for your family. 

Quoting MomRocs1102:

ds is 8 and dd is 5 months
Quoting jmlmomma:

Sadly it sounds like theres someone else... When the truth comes out from him..I hope your ready for it.. I'm so sorry your going through this... Be strong... Do you guys have children? HUGS.


p608319chef
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Mine works 60 plus hours a week so the only time we really get together is the weekends. Sometimes only Sunday. I just have to try and see it as him giving our son a good life and not being a dead beat. But i will talk to him or shower with him when i can, get his uniforms ready, be home before him with dinner and the house taken case of so he doesn't have to worry about it. He calls of everyday while at work, we have family sit down dinner, we text a lot. It is hard bc he is always tired from working and i don't get ANY free time but im just hoping for the best.
MrsLondon
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:07 AM

My DH usually travels for work and is gone most of the week. Our marriage is great. It really isn't a problem for us and I really feel that it's because it isn't a problem for me. If I needed him to be in my face all the time and up under me then maybe it wouldn't work. I'm a loner so it works fine for us. When he is home we enjoy it and then back to the grind.

I think there's a lot more to the story that your husband isn't telling you. It's more then him just not being happy with himself and "needing time". Imo that's code for "I need time to see if I really want to be with my mistress". I hope that's not the case but that's what it sounds like to me. The excuses of a cheating man.

Verrine
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Woah. This is a big deal. I know you're overwhelmed that he went straight to divorce. I don't understand why a separation would help if he's already away from you and the kids most of the week. To me that's giving up anyway.

So, he's 26 and has an 8 year old. He's been a married man his whole adult life. He didn't get a chance to figure out who he was as a grown-up before becoming a family man. Now, he's away from home much of the week and he might be thinking what fun he can have (if he isn't doing it already).

Or, he could be clinically depressed since he says he isn't happy with himself. A lot of men have too much pride to admit to that. It's ridiculous to throw a marriage away over that though.

I think you need to talk with him. He needs to take a few days off work and you guys get a sitter and talk calmly about what is going on in his head. From the factual side, what does he think his life will be like if he gets a divorce? How is that going to make him happy? My big problem here is that he has an infant with you. He's going to have to pay child support and co-parent with you for the next 17 years. How happy is that going to make him?  

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry but it really sounds like there's someone else.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomRocs1102
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM

thanks

Quoting jmlmomma:

wow... This hurts... I'm sorry.

Maybe he's just feeling over whelmed?? I hope the best for your family. 

Quoting MomRocs1102:

ds is 8 and dd is 5 months
Quoting jmlmomma:

Sadly it sounds like theres someone else... When the truth comes out from him..I hope your ready for it.. I'm so sorry your going through this... Be strong... Do you guys have children? HUGS.



hot_momma84
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:25 AM

ours has failed since he spends more time on his computer game eve. only time he notices me is if i take money out of the bank even though he threatens to take me to court over it. i almost dont care he wants all of my check to go into his bank acount he closed the one we had with both our names on. way i see it is im putting money into it too there should be no reason why i can not take some out to get groceries our do stuff with our daughter since he doesnt spend much time with us. he works two jobs i did not ask him to but his mom has him brainwashed it is all my fault he is. she is like everybody loves raymonds mother. i have cussed her out a few times.

gcecelie
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Pumping the brakes! 

WHAT! I know of women marrid to truck drivers, guys who live out of town mon-fri, and a gazillion military wives. If he wants to make it work, he will. Considering there are so many instances where it DOES work, it makes me think that something else is going on.

You deserve better sweetie. The best way to make your marriage work is for both parties to make it #1, and he is obviously not going to do that. No point in fighting for someone who has his mind on himself, not your marriage.

I think you guys should get counseling and try. Maybe this is all temporary until he gets whatever the distraction is out of his life.

LittlePistol87
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:50 AM

Oh no! I'm so sorry. Hope the temporary separation helps him see what he would be giving up on. Hugs!

codfish
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:53 AM
We talk every chance we get. Text, call, miss sleep, whatever it takes. It is hard, but we fight to make it work.
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