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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

 Our oldest is 16 and has been with her bf for over a year now and they regularly tell each other that they love each other.  I know I was in love with dh but I think that the definition of love changes as we get older and the longer we are with our partners. Do you think the love we knew as teenagers is the same love we have for our partners now?   I think teens can be in love (I know I was) just saying that I think our definition of love changes. 

Claire Mom of two teens and one tween.in love

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Replies (11-20):
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this
No, I don't think it's the same. Not one single bit.
VeggieRunnerMom
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:26 PM

I don't think it is as much an age thing as it is the longer you are with someone the more it changes.

I would think that even people 25ish that are with someone and marry them that 20 yrs later the love is different :) 

SlightlyPerfect
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Today at 9:28 AM
by Slightly Perfect on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Any schema (including love) you develop early on evolves as you grow. It's the nature of the brain. You build upon that. So the healthier your daughter's experience with love is now, the better the frame of reference will be as she matures.

slightlyperfect

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:28 PM

 While the love I have for my husband soulmate/bff Todd of the last 10 yrs is nothing in comparison with ANY other serious relationship I've ever had including my ex husband of 16 yrs, not even close to ANY of them....

I have to admit my second greatest most passionate love was with my teen boyfriend Ken, We started dating  when I was 13 and he was 15 and I loved him as much as I knew how to love anyone and more than anyone at that time, there is nothing I wouldnt have done for him, we were even trying to get me pregnant the whole several years we were together so thankfully that didnt happen due to my endometriosis. Even when he got in trouble with the law and had to go to jail for a full year I went to visit him, stayed faithful to him and wrote him a letter literally EVERY single day of that year. When we broke up several years later I was so devasted I felt suicidal and I felt broken like I'd never love like that again, I even dated some other great guys and didnt feel ANYTHING like with Ken which only further convinced me I'd NEVER be in love like that again so by the time I was 18 I FOOLISHLY tragically settled on marrying someone who was madly in love with and obsessed with me and I only loved as a person but wasnt IN LOVE with ever, he was just my good friend bc I wanted a family and to have kids more than anything and believed that is as good as it would ever get for me bc I was broken. That was a terrible mistake. I didnt mean to hurt anyone at the time.. as emotionally messed up as I was I thought I was doing the right thing. WRONG!!!!!

16 yrs later when I divorced him I still had pictures of me and Ken and I still wasnt over me and Ken and I still believed I was broken and woudl never be in love. I never wanted an exclusive serious relationship and certainly not a marriage ever again. I would be happy just casually dating nice attractive guys casually even if I lived to be 100. I was happier single and planned to stay that way.

I was utterly SHOCKED and blown away and even scared when I met my Todd and not only fell madly in love with him but a deeper love than I had EVER EVER felt before. Meeting Todd when I was in my mid 30s FINALLY made me heal and recover from Ken and I threw me and Kens pics away and now TODD was the new HIGH standard I had NOT ken for the first time.

So I have to say I dont downplay teen love, I think it can be very passionate and very deep and very true and very long lasting and devoted in some cases. What I had felt for Ken was for sure the REAL thing and I will always care and hope he is happy and well. I'm not IN love with him anymore and I know full well we would not be well suited together for many reasons and that TODD is my true soulmate but I will always wish Ken well.

View Full Size Image YVONNE


(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:32 PM

 When we had 5 of our kids all teens growing up in our house at the same time (3 girls and 2 boys) we always made SURE to treat their s/o's with respect and to get to know them as much as possible and include them in as much of our family gatherings and outings and fun as possible which Our kids appreciated and so did the s/o's we made them part of our family plus while they were spending time together WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY we knew what they were up to and earned their respect and affection and got to know the REAL them better too.

We also felt this was exceptionally important and made a huge difference in our trust and communication with our teens regarding such personal things bc if they believed we thought LESSER of their love or didnt respect it or poo poohed it or judged them or didnt "get them" or anything like that then they wouldnt have been SOOOOO trusting and open and communicative with us with deeply personal aspects of their relationships with their sweethearts, both good things in bad. It was important they knew we would not judge them or hurt their relationship but only be there for advice and encouragement and counsel and empathy and compassion and wisdom etc. And to even in some instances allow them the respect to learn from their own mistakes. This meant the world to our kids and to us that we could all do this.

Plus you never ever know if a teen love is going to turn into a someday lifelong partner or not. So we always treated each one like they were one of our own kids until whenever it may happen that the kids broke up.

We NEVER downplayed their love for eachother or assumed it was lesser bc they were younger bc I knew from my own teen love it was very deep and true and intense and lasted way into my 30s even though we broke up in our teens.

View Full Size Image YVONNE


(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

Jarelsmama
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:48 PM

I agree that young love is different from mature love.

When we are teens we mostly believe we can love no other like we do that person when we are young adults.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

 I fell in love with my husband at the tender age of 16. Our love has evolved and is different now. But I really did love him when I was that young. It just wasn't a "mature" love

KimmieLu
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:12 PM

I fell in love with my (future) husband when I was about 11 years old.  At the time, it was more of a best friend type of love than a romantic love.  I don't believe it was lust or infatuation.  We never had sex until I was about 19, and we dated a few other people in between.  I don't think our love has really changed from one type of love to another, it just broadened and developed as we grew older.  

supercarp
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Hormones are raging in teens. They can fall in love with almost anything at any time.

BonitaM
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:35 PM
1 mom liked this

My definition hasn't changed.  I feel the same about DH as when I met him.  My friend tells we're one of "those" couples cause I still can't get enough of him.  I've been head over heels inlove with him since day I met him.

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