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Dealing with infidelity for 11 years!

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:35 AM
  • 362 Replies
17 moms liked this

First off I want to say any replies will be accepted whether they are good, bad or ignorant. After all these years I have heard it all. My name is ShaRonda and I'm from Maryland and I'm a 27 AA mother. I'm basically a single mother to three children ages 9, 6 and 3. My oldest is a boy and then I have two girls. I been with their father for 11 years, ever since we were 16. we are now 27. It's really been nothing but a bad headache for me, majority of the time. First off, we started dating at a young age, still in high school, I fell in love with him and that's the reason I'm still with him I suppose. It's become so hard to split up with him and leave him alone for good. He on the other hand has three other children that are not by me. He has a 5 year old, a 3 year old and the newest addition being 5 months old. I don't know why I stay with a low-llife like him. I see that he's not going to change and that he's set in his ways so I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I have the slightest idea. I know I do love him but sometimes I hate him and I don't mind saying it. I know I can make it without him, it's just the first inital stages of being alone. I don't really know if I am scared of being alone or scared of being without him.  I've tried counseling and that helped a little bit. But as soon as the visit was over, I found myself right back in the same dperessing situation. I don't understand how we as women can allow ourselves to get this deep in love where we become to depressed that we are willing to put up with any and everything just to keep a man that's not "husband" material. I been fighting like hell for 11 years to make this work and all I've done was waste my time, my life and my happiness on all this trying. I spend most of my days thinking about this other woman wondering what she has that I don't and if she's better than me. I have lost all my friends due to him treating me so bad and not wanting me to go anywhere with them. I had a couple friends that I kept all through school days but we have since fallen apart. I guess they have figured that there's no need in communicated with me because all I'm going to do is depress them with my sob stories about staying in a bad relationship. It's easy to say just leave him, you are so beautiful and he doesn't deserve me, but how do I begin to start thinking that for myself. So here I am looking for friends on craiglist and all these other websites, just looking to meet friends or people that have been in my situation and have overcome this drama and can give me hope.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RheaF
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:39 AM
94 moms liked this

 You need to seek some professional help. Not saying that to sound snarky, but in all honesty. You need help finding your self worth again. Being with a "man" like that is doing far more harm than good to you and your children. What kind of an exapmle are you setting for your girls? Or for your son? He obviously does not love or respect you or his family. It will be hard, but girl, do it for yourself and your children. If you don't believe you deserve better....don't you at least believe they do?

RhiannonMare
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:44 AM
12 moms liked this

I'm sorry that you have gone through all of this for all these years. I think your major issue is fear, which can paralyze you. Sometimes it's easier to remain with what we know than to take that first step into the unknown, because we don't know what the outcome will be. You at least still kind of, sort of have him in your life at the moment. But what will happen if you do move on without him? Will you end up falling flat on your face? Will you end up alone forever? What will happen to your children if you can't support them by yourself? All of these thoughts can keep you stuck where you are. In order to make a life for yourself you need to take that first step. I know that is easier said than done, but it can be done!

GoddessStaggs
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM
6 moms liked this

i wish i was closer. i have a little experiance with where you are. just a little. i dont have kids so that's where we very. i wish you were in my area. i would be your friend in a heart beat i know the fear fustration and anguish you feel. many women are afraid to leave there long term partners/spouses because they are afraid they will never find happyness again. i can promise you that you will! also, he must still have some intrest in you if he's still around. i'd tell you to kick him to the curb and be strong and dont give in to him and if he really wants to be with you he will give up the other woman. her kids are his so if he's a good father he will still see her to see the kids but he shouldnt be with her anymore. i wish i had more/better advice. but it's diffrent when children are involved... message me if you like. my story is no secret. i'm happy to share and help when i can. best wishes!

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:53 AM
20 moms liked this

Wow I just couldn't even deal with that!
I don't understand why you wanna fight for a man, who doesn't wanna be kept! There isn't much to say, stay another 11yrs. of your life with this man who cheats? And risks your health while doing it too!*smh* Our relationships are the foundation for our kids future relationships. Do you want your daughters being with someone like their dad?! No disrespect! And the same with your son, do you want him treating a woman like that?

Megan11587
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:57 AM
14 moms liked this

 Cut your losses and leave.  You are setting an awful example for your children by staying.  Your daughters will grow to think that this is how a relationship should be.

EarlGrayHot
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:58 AM
8 moms liked this

Dump his ass and haul him into court.  Take him for all he has; you are a better person than he is by a long shot.

Closet_Case
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
3 moms liked this
Either you have a very strong heart or a very weak mind to stay with a man like that. Either way I hope you find peace from all of it
viv212
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
18 moms liked this
You'll leave when you're good and ready. Put the ball in your court. You can change your life by yourself. Let him deal alone with all the baby mama's and child support. In your case, it's not cheaper to keep him. But you'll leave when you're good and ready or you will continue enabling him. But all that is YOUR choice. Sometimes the best thing isn't the easiest.
codfish
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:05 AM
13 moms liked this
I know how hard it is to walk away. I stayed with my ex because I was terrified that I couldn't do it alone and that no one would be there for me. I left with nothing and started completely over. It was the best decision I have ever made. You need to leave for you and your children. My breaking point was seeing my son starting to repeat his bio dads behavior. Do you want your son to think this is how to treat women? Or your girls to think it is how they should be treated? Kick him to the curb. Take some classes, get counseling, figure out who you are. What do you want from life? Life is to short to waste it.
Mojitomommy
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:05 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry but I would tell him to kick rocks for he can't keep his dick to his self ?!
He could bring a std home to you , bc you know he isn't wearing a rubber .


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