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Not Married

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:13 AM
  • 9 Replies

Hello my name is Jennifer. I am 29yrs old. I have 2 kids. I am NOT married but I am hoping someday I will be. Guess I joined so i can learn what is good & bad behavior for a marriage & to get some pointers. I run my own daycare during the day, & the night/weekends I run my own bakery.

I am currently in a relationship & all I wanna do it rush to the marriage part, but I know thats not the best way to go & I need to learn to be patient & relax.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-9):
xoxRachelxox
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:20 AM

It's LOVE and Marriage. You don't have to be married to be here. 

Welcome to the group!

Linagma03
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I am married to my 2nd husband & it has been 29 years. I married when I was almost 17 the first time. I wasn't pregnant I just thought I was in love, so my father, who I was living with at the time allowed me to marry. I was in love with the idea of having a person to love and someone I thought loved me also. He became emotionally/mentally abusive & it took me 5 years & 2 kids to realize what was happening to me, another 2 years to get my divorce finalized. He was military and stayed in Germany for almost those 2 years just so I couldn't file for divorce until he was Stateside. Rushing into a marriage isn't a real good thing, you need to really really know someone. I found you actually have to like them probably more than you love them before you get married. The people that I know who have managed to remain married are those that truely liked their spouse before marriage. Those people seemed more ready to talk thru problems, get counseling if needed, where those that married due to pregnancy, & the "I LOVE ---- SO MUCH." but did that person ask themselves "DO I LIKE THIS PERSON?"  

I don't have any problem with a person who doesn't marry. I had 2 friends that when I met them they each had been living with their SO for over 20 years and going strong. One of the 2 decided to actually get married when their youngest child was like 23 or so, 3 years later they were divorced. Talking to her over the years she couldn't figure out why after getting the paper that they seemed to argue, and drift away until finally they divorced and it turned 2 good people bitter and extremely angry at each other. IMO they began to fight and argue and not make the effort because in the back of their mind the other person couldn't leave or couldn't leave as easily. When they just lived together they actually worked thru their problems & IMO they did that because in their mind they knew that it would be easier for one of them to leave because there would be no court or lawyers involved. That may be too simplistic but after being around them, that was what I really thought had happened to that couple's relationship.
 

hnjen12
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Thank you so much for you words. I think I jsut want to feel special with someone.

Quoting Linagma03:

I am married to my 2nd husband & it has been 29 years. I married when I was almost 17 the first time. I wasn't pregnant I just thought I was in love, so my father, who I was living with at the time allowed me to marry. I was in love with the idea of having a person to love and someone I thought loved me also. He became emotionally/mentally abusive & it took me 5 years & 2 kids to realize what was happening to me, another 2 years to get my divorce finalized. He was military and stayed in Germany for almost those 2 years just so I couldn't file for divorce until he was Stateside. Rushing into a marriage isn't a real good thing, you need to really really know someone. I found you actually have to like them probably more than you love them before you get married. The people that I know who have managed to remain married are those that truely liked their spouse before marriage. Those people seemed more ready to talk thru problems, get counseling if needed, where those that married due to pregnancy, & the "I LOVE ---- SO MUCH." but did that person ask themselves "DO I LIKE THIS PERSON?"  

I don't have any problem with a person who doesn't marry. I had 2 friends that when I met them they each had been living with their SO for over 20 years and going strong. One of the 2 decided to actually get married when their youngest child was like 23 or so, 3 years later they were divorced. Talking to her over the years she couldn't figure out why after getting the paper that they seemed to argue, and drift away until finally they divorced and it turned 2 good people bitter and extremely angry at each other. IMO they began to fight and argue and not make the effort because in the back of their mind the other person couldn't leave or couldn't leave as easily. When they just lived together they actually worked thru their problems & IMO they did that because in their mind they knew that it would be easier for one of them to leave because there would be no court or lawyers involved. That may be too simplistic but after being around them, that was what I really thought had happened to that couple's relationship.
 


randomosityblog
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Are you currently with someone?

hnjen12
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:21 PM

We are at the 'lets see where things go" & thats not normal for me.

Quoting randomosityblog:

Are you currently with someone?


randomosityblog
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:34 PM

As long as your kids aren't involved, I don't see an issue with it... but if you're introducing him to your kids you need to find out where things stand first.

Quoting hnjen12:

We are at the 'lets see where things go" & thats not normal for me.

Quoting randomosityblog:

Are you currently with someone?



earthangel1967
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 welcomegroup hug

View Full Size Image YVONNE


(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

Jarelsmama
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:57 PM

I was with my DH 5 yrs before we got HITCHED. I will honestly tell you I was alot happier when we were boy/girl friend.

When you marry you can not be selfish anymore. You have to bend to eachothers will. It's difficult. As PP's said you have to work your problems out. Relate to issues, etc.

I can say that I could have been his girlfriend for 99yrs. As his wife we are luck to make it through this year without me wanting to run for the hills.

Good luck. Not all marriages are hard. But I have to say the two years we have been married have been the hardest in our relationship. Children do put a kink in it in our case. We are learning to parent together.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Jun. 17, 2013 at 3:34 PM

 Welcome to the group! There's no one right way to do things. Everybody is different, so what works for one may not work for another. Do what you feel is right.

Pretty much the only things you need to know are not to cheat or be abusive. Those are usually good relationship enders :)

Good luck!

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