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Please advise if this is suspicious or normal behavior!

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Ok so DH & I have been 2gethr for nearly 14yrs. It started as a one night stand that kept happening so sex is the foundation of our relationship & hes always had a very high libido- so recently hes been avoiding sex (even tho he usually bitches that we need to do it more often!)
When i bring it up, he says its bcuz he feels fat & doesnt think its good for me bcuz of that etc.
However hes 41 & still in very good shape despite gaining 5-10lbs ovr the last couple yrs. This isnt a big deal to me @ all, hes still sexy & not even overweight...
In my experience, confirmed horndogs do not stop wanting sex cuz they "feel fat" over a few lbs! Which of course is to be expected with aging! The scales tell me im not exactly as light as i was when we met & i was a trim 21yr old ya know?!
So whats the deal?? Do men rly get insecure bout a few lbs to the point of avoiding sex with their wives?? It seems vry odd to me. Have any of u experienced ths with your men or should i be suspicious? TIA for any insight! :-*
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Replies (11-20):
jett286
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:43 AM

Well I was going to say sometimes men over 40 get low testosterin but then read about the controlling, accusing you of cheating etc.  People tend to 'project' their behavior onto others....meaning if he's accusing you of cheating he may be or may have in the past...and because he can't trust himself he can't trust you....  Need to check that out. because after 25 years, 2 kids and 40lbs my husband LOVES me and still wants to have sex (and he has low T.. takes a prescription gel)..

chasing
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:25 AM
Well OpiniatedMom ur quik! Howd u kno my dh is abusive?! In evry way that abuse is described.
My prob is too that I CANT FIND ANY ACTUAL PROOF that he is cheating! Hes not gna admit it so wat do i do?!
chasing
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:38 AM
Hows hs weight? kinda jk but am curious. Thing is tho evr since i moved in with him (aftr dating for a yr) hes always been jealous & controlling.
Ths evening he saw a # on my ph he didnt recognize, flipd out on me with accusations then went to bed- it was the lender at the mortgage co we hav been talkn to!!!
I kno hes cheated on me b4 (one nighter things wer he wud hook up w a chik frm a bar & tell me that he was alone at the river all night depressd) Unfortunately i was young & dumb & quik to take my revenge- thats all he "remembers" is wat I did, not wat led me ther, his actions.
A cupl mos ago he pikd a fight & left, stayd gob til 5 a.m. I didnt giv hm the satisfaction of askn wer he went. Well that was on a fri night & on sun i went grocery shopping (had my 2 toddlers w me) & wks later my teenage son adnitted to me that DH followed me & sat in hs jeep in parking lot, moving it so he cud c me as i shopd! How bizarre is that?! Only explanation i cn think is he had a guilty conscience...I NEED PROOF THO CUZ I WANA B SURE! Dnt wana end ny marriage due to suspicious minds


Quoting jett286:

Well I was going to say sometimes men over 40 get low testosterin but then read about the controlling, accusing you of cheating etc.  People tend to 'project' their behavior onto others....meaning if he's accusing you of cheating he may be or may have in the past...and because he can't trust himself he can't trust you....  Need to check that out. because after 25 years, 2 kids and 40lbs my husband LOVES me and still wants to have sex (and he has low T.. takes a prescription gel)..


chasing
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:48 AM
BUMP! OpiniatedMom id rly appreciate ur feedback. Did u catch yours red handed or...? Since i cnt get into hs lockd ph & wen i hav been able to all calls & txts hav been deleted, wat r some surefire signs to kno? & hes not overly concernd w cologne etc. but did get mad that i took hs truk instd of mine to run out 4 milk ths eve...rly inordinately mad. Ther was nothn suspicious in it far as i cud c. Wat rly pissd ne off is that both trucks r MINE as well as the gas thats in em but he got so shitty bout me needn to take the one he usually drives to wrk ...maybe im seein shadows that arent ther tho idk anymor
chasing
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:51 AM
o btw how do u suggest i chek that out like u mentioned? idk wat to do


Quoting jett286:

Well I was going to say sometimes men over 40 get low testosterin but then read about the controlling, accusing you of cheating etc.  People tend to 'project' their behavior onto others....meaning if he's accusing you of cheating he may be or may have in the past...and because he can't trust himself he can't trust you....  Need to check that out. because after 25 years, 2 kids and 40lbs my husband LOVES me and still wants to have sex (and he has low T.. takes a prescription gel)..


justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:18 AM
Imo yes, men are very capable.of being insecure. I have seen and experienced this first hand with my husband...

Talk to him about it.
.Peaches.
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 4:34 AM


Quoting opinionatedmom:

I've been cheated on. That screams he's cheating. Especially if he is hiding money. Keep quiet. Don't let him know. Start looking for a job. Start needing money for something for the kids but stash it. Start sneaking shit out of the house. Get a storage.bin to put it in, but send the bill to a different address. My storage guy gave me that tip. While he is out with his ho start sneaking stuff out . Sorry mama. When you leave he won't know what hit him. If your keeping the house change the locks. If he is abusive make sure to hide where he won'tlook.

Quoting chasing:

Hard to say cuz suma that is right on. He constantly accuses me of messin around +evn tho i kno no one here!) & has outrageous accusations ( im w our 3 kids 24/7!) He does wrk late & sum wknds but its a new job only startd 5mos ago & its an hr away, also its field wrk so jus hav hs cell, nobody i cn ask if hes ther or not. Hes vry controlling. Also opened a new bank acct that he "forgot" to tell me bout...rly!?




Quoting opinionatedmom:

Your right could.be erectile dysfunction. If he is cheating he will be "working late" hiding stuff like texts or phone calls. He will.be dressing up more. He will also accuse you of cheating . He will go to the store and taking to long. He will start wearing cologne more often.exercising more and he will try to be more controlling to you.

Sooo....she shouldn't confirm he's cheating first, before just jumping the gun?

.Peaches.
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 4:36 AM


Quoting chasing:

BUMP! OpiniatedMom id rly appreciate ur feedback. Did u catch yours red handed or...? Since i cnt get into hs lockd ph & wen i hav been able to all calls & txts hav been deleted, wat r some surefire signs to kno? & hes not overly concernd w cologne etc. but did get mad that i took hs truk instd of mine to run out 4 milk ths eve...rly inordinately mad. Ther was nothn suspicious in it far as i cud c. Wat rly pissd ne off is that both trucks r MINE as well as the gas thats in em but he got so shitty bout me needn to take the one he usually drives to wrk ...maybe im seein shadows that arent ther tho idk anymor

All I'm gonna say is that if you start looking for things with an already suspicious mind, you'll find something, even if its really nothing.

That being said, anytime you're reduced to snooping on your S/O or spouse, something in that relationship is WAY off and needs to be re-evaluated and definitely talked about.

funmommy123
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 4:45 AM
My dh wouldn't stop having sex, because he felt fat. Everyone is different, though. Are there other things besides that, that may make you be suspicious? If not, thwn he migjt really be insecure about his weight gain. You said he has a high sex drive, maybe he is "handling" it himself?
newlife2013
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 5:29 AM
If there is a change in their behavior and it seems your instinct is telling you something, you have to find a way to verify it, check the odometer on the car, get in his car more often, meet him for lunch hopefully you can go to his job on the way to somewhere else, just think of every thing you can think of to get back to a trusting relationship, or end the relationship.
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