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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Please advise if this is suspicious or normal behavior!

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Ok so DH & I have been 2gethr for nearly 14yrs. It started as a one night stand that kept happening so sex is the foundation of our relationship & hes always had a very high libido- so recently hes been avoiding sex (even tho he usually bitches that we need to do it more often!)
When i bring it up, he says its bcuz he feels fat & doesnt think its good for me bcuz of that etc.
However hes 41 & still in very good shape despite gaining 5-10lbs ovr the last couple yrs. This isnt a big deal to me @ all, hes still sexy & not even overweight...
In my experience, confirmed horndogs do not stop wanting sex cuz they "feel fat" over a few lbs! Which of course is to be expected with aging! The scales tell me im not exactly as light as i was when we met & i was a trim 21yr old ya know?!
So whats the deal?? Do men rly get insecure bout a few lbs to the point of avoiding sex with their wives?? It seems vry odd to me. Have any of u experienced ths with your men or should i be suspicious? TIA for any insight! :-*
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Replies (21-30):
nanellclark
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:13 AM

I know i don't want my BF to see me naked on my fat days.  But then he tell me how hot I am and I don't feel so fat.  And if I feel fat and he tell me I am beautiful I feel beautiful.  So tell him how hot he is.  He may just be insecure about his Body and want you to tell him he is hot with out having to ask you to tell him.  Guys have body issues too. If that is your only sususpition you are likely fine guys can feel fat too and not want you to see them naked.  So tell him he is hot and seduce him.  LOL.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:30 AM

At one point my husband had gained like 60 pounds and was completely embarrassed of his appearance, he didn't want to have sex during that time either. 

sarawags
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is "abusive in every way" to you even if he's not cheating?  

Shelly126
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting sarawags:

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is "abusive in every way" to you even if he's not cheating?  


i was thinking the same thing, cheating is the least of your problems if you are in an abusive relationship! Get out for yourself and most importantly for your children, they shouldn't be witness to that!
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 Male sex drives go down as they age not up. Have his testosterone levels checked.

Bertieb
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:38 AM

The bank account is a huge red flag. I caught my husband cheating by checking my detailed cell phone bill online. I don't know if your company does that or not, but there is a way to see every cell phone number called and what time each month. I noticed one month had 200 texts and suddenly it went to 2,300. I then traced the number  with Intellius people search and found the woman's name. Did all that before I confronted him. There was nothing he could say but admit it.

If he isn't cheating he still shouldn't have a secret bank account. My DH also lost interest in sex and said it was because he'd gained weight and was too heavy to lay on me! He wasn't too overweight either.  Other red flags I saw in hindsight were a new interest in his appearance, and he started manscaping regularly, which he hadn't done before. I agree to start finding hiding your own money and securing things of value for yourself. Sorry!

Fistandantalus
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:47 AM

10 pounds can make a difference in libido and self-esteem.

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:50 AM

Men have insecurities just like women do.  That's completely normal.

supercarp
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:53 AM

I did and he was interested in a coworker.

supercarp
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:55 AM

 My ex did all these things, too. Lack of interest in sex, ignoring me, losing weight, getting a separate bank account. Even started trying to get a tan.


Quoting Bertieb:

The bank account is a huge red flag. I caught my husband cheating by checking my detailed cell phone bill online. I don't know if your company does that or not, but there is a way to see every cell phone number called and what time each month. I noticed one month had 200 texts and suddenly it went to 2,300. I then traced the number  with Intellius people search and found the woman's name. Did all that before I confronted him. There was nothing he could say but admit it.

If he isn't cheating he still shouldn't have a secret bank account. My DH also lost interest in sex and said it was because he'd gained weight and was too heavy to lay on me! He wasn't too overweight either.  Other red flags I saw in hindsight were a new interest in his appearance, and he started manscaping regularly, which he hadn't done before. I agree to start finding hiding your own money and securing things of value for yourself. Sorry!


 

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