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Please advise if this is suspicious or normal behavior!

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Ok so DH & I have been 2gethr for nearly 14yrs. It started as a one night stand that kept happening so sex is the foundation of our relationship & hes always had a very high libido- so recently hes been avoiding sex (even tho he usually bitches that we need to do it more often!)
When i bring it up, he says its bcuz he feels fat & doesnt think its good for me bcuz of that etc.
However hes 41 & still in very good shape despite gaining 5-10lbs ovr the last couple yrs. This isnt a big deal to me @ all, hes still sexy & not even overweight...
In my experience, confirmed horndogs do not stop wanting sex cuz they "feel fat" over a few lbs! Which of course is to be expected with aging! The scales tell me im not exactly as light as i was when we met & i was a trim 21yr old ya know?!
So whats the deal?? Do men rly get insecure bout a few lbs to the point of avoiding sex with their wives?? It seems vry odd to me. Have any of u experienced ths with your men or should i be suspicious? TIA for any insight! :-*
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:40 PM

 What may be suspicious or abnormal behavior for whatever given reason in one man may not at all be in another because all men are completely 100% unique individuals just like everyone else.

So YOUR guy's behavior might be completely normal and may not be. The best thing to do is to talk to him more about it. Also sometimes as they age they can run into medical issues even THEY are not aware of like low testerone (can be checked with a simple bloodtest) even VERY very masculine men can get low testerone and it can be fixed easily too. Not saying that is what it is but just saying there are so many reasons why he could be behaving this way and that includes he may feel unattractive and fat.

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(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:52 PM

I don't know.  I never heard of a guy say, "I don't want to have sex cuz I'm fat".   Guys will have sex whenever & with whomever they can.  I have seen man-bebo and it's not a turn off for me, just makes me want to squeeze it...LOL.

1. Has he started wearing cologne? Does he go places without you? Does he look at you anymore? When your out in public does he show PDA or is he constantly looking around?

Can u show us a pic of how "FAT" he thinks he is?  I only heard one guy say, "Who would want to have sex with me, look at me?"  And I'll tell you he is a big NDN guy, but you know what he has a GF now and she is like 150lbs to his 300lbs and she loves him alot.  I can't even phantom how they do it...curious tho...

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 3:34 PM
this, for the first part and....he may be using his weight as an excuse because he's having trouble down there which some men go to their graves before asking for help with that issue.

Quoting jmjdj:

I know some are going to come along and tell you he's cheating on you. That may or may not be what's happening...only you would know that. However, there are other reasons he may be avoiding sex and is using the weight thing as an excuse to cover up some other problem he may be having that might not have anything to do with you. And it also doesn't have to mean he's cheating. But he also could be telling the truth. If he's always been really fit and has gained a few pounds he may really be self conscious. We get that way can they.

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 3:39 PM
The secret bank account is not ok and would be a red flag for me. I have also heard that sometimes when a partner accuses or teases the other person about being unfaithful it means they are actually the one who is being unfaithful. Controlling= creepy.
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 3:40 PM
It can affect them. Do you think maybe he's having a performance issue!?
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by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:21 AM
2 moms liked this
Did you say this man LOCKS HIS PHONE?

Hello....and he's already had multiple one nighters that you know about?

So what does he need to do....actually bang someone in front of you?
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:24 AM
And men don't "feel fat"...that's an us thing girls...
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:29 AM

I would be concerned; I would bring it up ASAP.

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:12 AM

men get insecure about their weight just like women do, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. if you feel he is not being honest bring it up in an non accusing manner and try not to use words that make him feel your attacking him or he may shut himself in even more. he could be going through a low sex drive, maybe try talking to him about his sex drive and see what happens from there.

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Hidden bank accounts are very suspicious.   I doubt 10 lbs would make a man stop wanting sex.  He most likely is cheating.

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