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Stay At Home WIFE??? ETA at bottom

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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I am currently a sort-of SAHM of a 20mo boy whom I adore and feel blessed I can stay with him when I am not in my nursing school classes or clinicals. I am switching careers so I will not be working 50-60 hours a week, 6 days a week, and I can be with my son and husband more.

I understand SAHMs. I never wanted my baby in daycare, and I am blessed to have a mom who helps me with childcare (she owns her own business).

I promise I am not being snarky, but how can you be a SAH WIFE? Do you not feel like a "kept woman"? Do you not feel bad, especially if your husband works a difficult job/overtime to support you?

My mom was a SAHM my whole life. When my sister graduated college, see decided to open a business (1) to give her something to do and (2) to help bring in revenue for her and my dad.

I could only see myself being a SAHW if my son needed "grandma" to help him with childcare. I couldn't see any other reason why *I* could stay at home without children and without contributing to my household.

Genuine question: why are you okay with being a SAHW?

ETA: I am genuinely curious. I am confused why so many women are put off by my question. I thought message boards were a place to get different opinions/perspectives than your own.

To those of you who have answered my question, thank you for helping me understand why you would choose this as a lifestyle.

I am working through my own issues with feeling like a "kept woman" even though I am in a rigorous degree program and we have a toddler we choose to not put in daycare. I wanted to hear from women who have a different perspective from me so maybe I could sort through my own feelings.

Again, thank you for your genuine responses.
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CocoMama88
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:36 AM
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If your husband made enough money and it was a mutual decision for you to stay home and be a home maker I see nothing wrong with it. If you had a big house and didn't have help cleaning or you had dinner parties to prepare for or something. I'm a sahm/w. I support my husband in every aspect and keep our home running so he can make our money. When he gets home he doesn't have to worry about doing his part of taking care of the home (he does the yard work but I do the rest) and he can be happy and relaxed and play with our kids.
RheaF
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:41 AM
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 I know a few women whose children are grown and out of the house. I also have a close friend who was a SAHW before she had children.

It simply works for them, They care for the house and their Husbands, they have hobbies, etc. Their husbands are more than happy to be the providers in their home. I don't view it as any different than being a SAHM. They are sstill contributing to their homes and families just in a different way.

 

lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:47 AM

Some people see value in being a SAHW.  

In our case, I didn't go back to work full-time when my boys started school because my husband is stationed on a ship and is gone for two months, home for two months.  It's so much easier for me to be able to be home with the boys when they're sick, schedule medical appointments, and handle the extra things I do when he's gone without having to worry about calling off work.  

With that said, even though my boys are in school all day, I am still a SAHM.  Being a mother is still my primary role.




The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald



Amberleigh81
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:49 AM
I guess I just don't understand the mindset IF the husband is working really hard or doesn't like his job or is working overtime to support his wife.

I host dinner parties multiple times a month, I have hobbies and girls' time, and I still can work and keep my home clean.

I guess I feel guilty even now (temporary situation) that my husband works so hard to support me and our son while I finish school and can contribute more and better for our family. I couldn't see myself living this way if it wasn't for the childcare situation. I want my husband to have time o pursue hobbies, have boy time and relax, too! I actually want him to become a SAHD until our son goes to school after I finish school next year so he gets a break and bonding time with our son like I am getting now!
TeamTARDIS
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I stated home for four months before DS was born. I was a preschool teacher and a great candidate popped up to take my place so I stepped down so the children could have a great teacher take my place.
My DH has a great job and I took care of the house. I will continue to do so when DS is in full time school.
Amberleigh81
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:51 AM
See, to me that is TOTALLY different. Kids I school still can benefit from having one parent easily available to them.

Will you stay a SAHW when you have no one left who needs you? Especially if your husband has to work hard to support just you?


Quoting lwalker270:

Some people see value in being a SAHW.  

In our case, I didn't go back to work full-time when my boys started school because my husband is stationed on a ship and is gone for two months, home for two months.  It's so much easier for me to be able to be home with the boys when they're sick, schedule medical appointments, and handle the extra things I do when he's gone without having to worry about calling off work.  

With that said, even though my boys are in school all day, I am still a SAHM.  Being a mother is still my primary role.

Amberleigh81
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Again, SAHMs are different in my book than SAHWs with no children who live at home.

Quoting TeamTARDIS:

I stated home for four months before DS was born. I was a preschool teacher and a great candidate popped up to take my place so I stepped down so the children could have a great teacher take my place.

My DH has a great job and I took care of the house. I will continue to do so when DS is in full time school.
Amberleigh81
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:54 AM
I totally understand having one parent SAH while the kids are living there.

Quoting CocoMama88:

If your husband made enough money and it was a mutual decision for you to stay home and be a home maker I see nothing wrong with it. If you had a big house and didn't have help cleaning or you had dinner parties to prepare for or something. I'm a sahm/w. I support my husband in every aspect and keep our home running so he can make our money. When he gets home he doesn't have to worry about doing his part of taking care of the home (he does the yard work but I do the rest) and he can be happy and relaxed and play with our kids.
RheaF
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:55 AM

 It is all about how you view it. My DH works his butt off for us, but he takes pride in that. I am a SAHM, I also homeschool, care for the house, the kids, cook, etc. I still have a life outside of the home as well. I have Mom's nights(we try for once a month), and I have hobbies. I don't feel guilty at all that I get to be home and DH works. Simply because most days, it is work here,lol. I feel very blessed that DH is willing to provide for us, and wants me to be home.

Likewise, DH has most weekends and evenings off. He has friends and hobbies, and he gets to spend time with the kids. Again, it just depends on what works for your family. When all of our kids graduate high school, I may go back to work, I may not. It really just depends on where DH and I are at that point, but if we decide that I should be a SAHW, I m able to see the value in that.

Quoting Amberleigh81:

I guess I just don't understand the mindset IF the husband is working really hard or doesn't like his job or is working overtime to support his wife.

I host dinner parties multiple times a month, I have hobbies and girls' time, and I still can work and keep my home clean.

I guess I feel guilty even now (temporary situation) that my husband works so hard to support me and our son while I finish school and can contribute more and better for our family. I couldn't see myself living this way if it wasn't for the childcare situation. I want my husband to have time o pursue hobbies, have boy time and relax, too! I actually want him to become a SAHD until our son goes to school after I finish school next year so he gets a break and bonding time with our son like I am getting now!

 

TeamTARDIS
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:55 AM
Sorry I wasn't clear. Unless something happens to my DH I won't be going back to work at all, even when DS moves out.
We don't need to money DH loves having me home working on the house.


Quoting Amberleigh81:

Again, SAHMs are different in my book than SAHWs with no children who live at home.



Quoting TeamTARDIS:

I stated home for four months before DS was born. I was a preschool teacher and a great candidate popped up to take my place so I stepped down so the children could have a great teacher take my place.


My DH has a great job and I took care of the house. I will continue to do so when DS is in full time school.

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