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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

FOLLOW-UP POST TO DEALING WITH INFIDELITY FOR 11 YEARS (PLEASE READ)

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:18 PM
  • 19 Replies
2 moms liked this

Ok guys, you all have expressed your opnions, concerns and thoughts on my situation and I would like to say thank you. I read every last one and I felt that they were giving me the strength and support that I needed. I decided to leave him for good yesterday. I DO NOT want my daughters thinking this is ok, I DO NOT want my son treating women that way, and I DO NOT want to cry and feel sorry for myself any longer. Now what? How do I go about getting back to me, getting my life back and finding myself and my happiness. I was just 16 when I fell in love, and I still feel stuck in those ages. I don't associate with many people at all. It's just me and my children; who I do love dearly and they give me the motherly love that I need. But for those of you that have dealt with a break up, how did you get over it, what did you do afterwards? People say you supposed to get out and do things but do what kind of things?

by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama23brie
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:25 PM
6 moms liked this
One piece of advice: do not go searching for another man. Many women do this. They get lonely, which is natural, then spend their time searching high and low for mister right. If you truly want the right man in your life, sit back, love your kids, work on YOU and mister right will follow god's path to you. it might take years. it might take weeks. but eventually he will come along. your job is to not rush it.

what do you like doing? what is your passion? what are your hobbies? have you really explored all your education desires? What improvement could you make about yourself?
the answer to those questions will tell you how to occupy your time for now.
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rockinmomto2
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:27 PM

You do it with determination. You find a goal, and you make it happen. It doesn't matter what the goal is. If you're determined and in a positive frame of mind, it can and will happen for you.

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:33 PM
2 moms liked this

 Focus on "finding" yourself and what you want out of life.  Find activities that you enjoy.  If you like working out, join a gym.  If you like reading books, join a book club.  Join a moms group where your kids can play and you can get to know other moms.  If your kids play sports, talk to the other moms at the practices and games.  That's a great way to get to know people.  Find a hobby you enjoy.  Try something new.  Go back to school.  There are so many possibilities.  Fear of the unknown is hard, but take things one step at a time.  You'll find your way.  I guarantee it.

LilliesValley
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this

You just need to work on you. You may need therapy to help guide you so you don't fall into the same cycle again. Do you have money saved up, job skills, resume, etc. ??? there's lots of things to do here. file for seperation, divorce, cs, alimony (might as well try right?), custody, etc. Need to get on pa if needed for medical, food, cash, housing, whatever. I know you want to sit down and cry and feel overwhelmed, but you really don't have time for that right now. I'm sure you've cried plenty over the years, you will have time for crying but you have to worry about getting out first and fore most. You may feel stuck for a while at the age of 16 but again, I think therapy will help. Having a job will help you become aquinted with others and learn more about yourself. DO NOT DATE ANYONE ELSE FOR THE NEXT YEAR. Do just like they do in AA in NA and don't date. It's an easy trap to fall into. You won't work on you or your problems if you do. Time will help and you just need to get some time under your belt away from him. Don't go back to him, you know he isn't going to change, so don't suffer through that. NO one else for a year. Best of luck my dear, you are doing what's best for you and your kids.

littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 3:30 PM

Everyday that passes gets a little easier, just try to keep your mind from wondering. Stay busy and focus on the positive! 

furbabymum
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 3:32 PM

 This is exactly what I would have said.

Quoting mama23brie:

One piece of advice: do not go searching for another man. Many women do this. They get lonely, which is natural, then spend their time searching high and low for mister right. If you truly want the right man in your life, sit back, love your kids, work on YOU and mister right will follow god's path to you. it might take years. it might take weeks. but eventually he will come along. your job is to not rush it.

what do you like doing? what is your passion? what are your hobbies? have you really explored all your education desires? What improvement could you make about yourself?
the answer to those questions will tell you how to occupy your time for now.

 

codfish
by Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I formed new friendships, attended church, and went to college for the first time at 30. I put all of my attention on my kids and myself. I read books, talked to older women. It takes time and courage. I wont lie to you. It is hard and scary. It is also worth every minute. You can pm me if you need anything.
Jarelsmama
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 3:45 PM

Do not jump into a relationship. Take time to learn you. Do things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby. Anything you think you will enjoy.

I stayed single for 2 yrs after I left my ex and when I found my DH I am not only confident in myself I know who I am and what makes me me. You will be fine and learn who you are as a single, confident, able, independent woman.


villagemamma
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 4:02 PM

This makes me so happy! make sure to take care of yourself emotionally. get councling. find supportive friends/family whatever you need to do. You deserve this so much this is going to be a great oppertunity for you to explore things that make you excited. ENJOY IT!!!

Rachael-Dawn
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 4:16 PM
I moved to an apartment in a different town 45 minutes away and got a job there, jumped head first into church and focused on church, my job, and my wee one. I made a commitment to not committing to any man for a while. My heart was still way too messed up but eventually in time I got over it.
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