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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Sexting-caught husband---need advice!!!!!

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:11 PM
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2 moms liked this

I really need advice, please.

My husband works with this woman named Amanda.  She was always nice to me...even throwing us a baby shower at their work.  Well she was always at work related events we would go to, ie Disney On Ice.  My Dh would start to go to happy hours more and she would be there.  After I had my daugther 9 weeks ago, my husband took 4 weeks off.  He got a text from her saying that work was not the same without him and his jokes.  Then last week he said he wanted to go to 3 things that weekend.  I said hell no because we need him here and he is a family man with 2 kids and a wife.  He doesn't need to be going out like he is 21.  He went to 2 things.  Last Friday he left at 6:00 p.m. and didn't get home until 12:30 a.m.  WTF?  Guess who was there?  Amanda.  Ok cut to last Wednesday night.  My DH gets home from work and goes to the bathroom.  His cell phone made a noise that he got a text.  I looked at who it was from and it said JONES.  That's Amanda's last name.  Everyone else in his address book is first name.  Ok but I didn't open it.  At the dinner table he opens it and texts back.  After dinner and put my daughter down for the night, something told me to look at the text.  He was in the bedroom so he didn't know what I was doing.  Well this is what it said, "I WANNA DRIVE YOU CRAZY BABY, MOAN N GRAB YOU SO FREAKIN CRAZY.  I MAKE YOU TAPOUT!!!"  Oh hell no!  I burst into our bedroom and asked what this shit was all about and he was all nervous.  He denied it and all.  I said, "I'm calling the bitch".  So I did and she said it was supposed to be for her boyfriend and it was an accident.  Bullshit!  I finally got it out of him that it started that day(yah right) and they were sitting next to each other at a meeting and she started to soft touch his leg!  Then she texted him 3 times and the only text he replied to was the one I saw him do at the dinner table (yah right again).  He said the reason why he texted back is because I am not kissing and hugging him at home and he liked getting that attention.  He swears he never cheated (sex).  I don't know what to do or what to believe.  Should I leave him over this?  I just had a baby 10 weeks ago and a 6 year old.  I'm so confused and betrayed.  I'm not in a good frame of mind.  I can't stand to even look at him.  I'm mourning the death of our marriage I feel.  Any advise is much appreciated.  Thank you.


****UPDATE----

Here is the email I just sent her:

Amanda,

Hopefully this will be my last email to you.  I just want to ask of you to leave my husband alone for good.  I don't want you to talk to him, sit next to him in meetings or anywhere else, don't have lunch with him or near him, don't even think about him.  He has been married to me for 7 years and we have known each other for 17 years.  He is taken and more importantly, he is a father of two wonderful daughters.  You have your man, stay away from mine!  Yes, it takes two and believe me he is getting his share over here, but you are to blame too.  I am very disappointed in you as a woman and mom for you to have done this to another woman.  You hugged me and were nice to my face.  Why back stab me?  What did I ever do to you?  What kind of person does that?  You are heartless and a homewrecker!  I'm still just shocked at how low you will go.  I believe in Karma and you will get yours someday....I won't have to do anything, which frees my mind and conscience.  I would like to thank you for one thing.  I am now not going to be naive anymore with females.  You have taught me to trust no one.  Even ugly girls such as yourself can get their homewrecking paws on my husband.  I never thought in a million years my husband would be lead into your deceptive web of flirting, but he did.   And now I know.  But we will get through this and we will be stronger for this incident that happened.  I have someone that you work with that is going to watch you like a hawk and tell me if you so much as look in my husband's direction so please be careful how you handle yourself.  Be professional in your work place and stay the fuck away from my husband and anyone else's husband.  I have also let some of the other wives know what happened and to watch out for you and your hand touching of legs under tables.  No man is safe with you in a 10 mile radius.
That is all for now.  Good luck with Carlos...he's a lucky man to have such a two timing slut as yourself.

*****update #2 This story just keeps getting better! I called Amanda's boyfriend and told him what they had done because I thought he should know (maybe get himself tested too) and he texted me back saying that she admitted to them kissing!!!! WTF?? After denying it, he finally admitted to it and they did it at the going away party 2 weeks ago. Right now he is no longer staying at our house. I need time to think. It's so hard because I have 2 kids now and don't want to put them through a divorce, but on the other hand I don't want to be miserable. I just don't know what to do!

CafeMom Tickers

CafeMom Tickers

by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momto3boys85
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:21 PM
6 moms liked this

My best advice is get marriage counseling, if he really wants to prove to you that this was a mistake, I would also request that he no longer have any contact with her at all, maybe even see if he can switch departments or find another job so they aren't near each other anymore and focus on his family. People make mistakes,( I've been through this with my husband in the past and we were able to work on it) but it was a lot of work and we both had to want to work at keeping the marriage. You have absolutely every right to feel hurt, betrayed and upset with him, I would be livid! 

villagemamma
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:39 PM
5 moms liked this

Im really really sorry momma :( this kind of thing hurts bad. I wish i had better advise. I wouldnt let this be a complete end to the marriage. Things can get better. mistakes happen. as long as he is willing to be better.

Also if it was me i would call that chick and make it EXTREMELY clear how not ok you are with what happened and that it would be in her best interest to just stop right now.

godsgirl26
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Woaah, I would flip a lid..
MomToovey
by Marianne on Jun. 21, 2013 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I don't know how I'd feel about that if it were me. I do remember when my DD was 9 weeks old and that, especially with my hormones out of whack, I had some pretty low self esteem. So that on top of the sexting situation would send me to an all-time low.

I don't think I'd leave just yet. Maybe get some marriage counseling if you find you just can't heal. And then after that, if you can't get the trust back, then start thinking about what to do next.

I'm so sorry, momma. ((HUGS))

.Peaches.
by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:17 AM
4 moms liked this

I don't think you should leave, but its obvious that he's not going to fess up and be honest about what he is or isn't doing. The first thing you should do is tell him that he is not to have anymore contact with this woman outside of work. Call her and tell her the same thing- that way there are no more 'accidental' text messages. Let him know that he has broken your trust because you don't believe him that nothing went on, and that he's going to have to do a LOT to prove that he still wants this marriage to continue. THEN, I would suggest going to some kind of counseling, if you can manage it.

I don't why some men loose their minds after a baby is born- if they had to stay home and take care of baby and go through everything our bodies go through after childbirth, they wouldn't be thinking about all that extra crap either.

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jun. 22, 2013 at 1:55 AM

 im sorry hugs

View Full Size Image YVONNE


(This is my husband Todd's Fatherhood Tattoo. It says Roots & Wings bc that's he gave them. The tree has each of our 5 kids initials engraved on it. Has 5 roots & 5 birds flying off on their own but that know that HE-the solid tree is always there for them)

Sunshine257
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:13 AM
4 moms liked this
Are people aloud to date each other at his work? If not I would tell her you will report the two of them if this doesn't stop. Get some counseling. This sort of thing happens a lot to women when they are pregnant. You just had a baby I don't understand why some men act like this. You just gave him a child and then he goes and screws up everything. I hope y'all can fix this.
shemar12307
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:02 PM
5 moms liked this
HE IS A LIER HE IS NOT GOING TO STOP HE WILL BE MUCH MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME HE WILL START TO LOCK HIS PHONE WATCH!!!!! THAT SITUATION IS ALL TO FIMILIAR BE MINDFUL.
DawnLauren
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 7:15 PM

I cant help because if it was me I would be in prison for murder right now. Has he said anymore about it? What an ass

mp0264
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 9:21 PM
2 moms liked this
Quoting .Peaches.:

I don't think you should leave, but its obvious that he's not going to fess up and be honest about what he is or isn't doing. The first thing you should do is tell him that he is not to have anymore contact with this woman outside of work. Call her and tell her the same thing- that way there are no more 'accidental' text messages. Let him know that he has broken your trust because you don't believe him that nothing went on, and that he's going to have to do a LOT to prove that he still wants this marriage to continue. THEN, I would suggest going to some kind of counseling, if you can manage it.

I don't why some men loose their minds after a baby is born- if they had to stay home and take care of baby and go through everything our bodies go through after childbirth, they wouldn't be thinking about all that extra crap either.

 I have never gone through this in my marriage, so I did not know what advice to give. This is the advice I would follow, if my husband crossed that line. I hope peace replaces your pain someday.

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