Yesterday I realized that my husband has my passwords for EVERYTHING. I don't mind. I'm not hiding anything. Then I was thinking about how I don't know his passwords for anything. So I asked him for his passcode on his iPod. He's always playing on there so I just wanted to look at it. Please note that I trusted him and wasn't really snooping, he was sitting right next to me and we were talking like normal. I opened his email to see if he had recieved an email survey from the car dealership (we just bought a new car). Instead I found emails for notifications on an adult dating site!!! This is site made specifically for people to just meet up and have sex. At first I thought "okay its just spam" but then there were the emails saying "thank you for joining!" and "heres your new password!" WHAT??? When I asked him about it, he denied it of course. But the proof is all right there. I went onto his profile and it has our new location (we just moved here in january) and saying he wants a "discreet relationship"
I don't know what to do!!!! I thought our sex life was great so I don't know why he needs it from someone else? We are happy and do things together and as a family all the time. I'm blown away by this!
Should note: In comments, I mentioned that I actually looked at the profile and it was definitely him. Also, he admitted to making it but said it was to find a sperm donor for me (long story short, we want to have another baby but his ex had him get a vasectomy)
He is still saying he went on there to find a sperm donor. BUT he starts therapy today (he actually wants help) and starting next week I will join him. (it has to be done this way because his job says so)
I know that vasectomy's can be reversed. We've looked into all of our options and from what we heard from the doctor, it would make it about a 30% chance and about $15k. So we still arent sure. However, after all of this, a baby is the absolute last thing on my mind. We need to work on our marriage first.
We have not had any fidelity issues in the past. I honestly don't think he has cheated yet but was "planning to". I feel like we can work through this, but it will take counseling and time. Not to mention my trust has been shattered.
In the past, with boyfriends, cheating was a deal breaker and I would be out of that relationship quick! I love my husband and this is the first time I've considered not leaving a cheater. We will see how counseling goes and if I feel it's time to leave, then I will. Or if it ever happens again, then I will leave.
Thank you everyone for your advice!!
To try to answer most questions..
No, he did not list himself as looking for a man. Which is why I know that story is bogus.
He has kids from a previous marriage and I have one from before too. We want a baby together.
And again, it wasn't just spam. I saw his profile and he admitted to making it.
He also admitted it wasn't because he was looking for a profile! FINALLY.