So my DH have been married for almost a year but have been together for the past four. During our entire relationship I have been the breadwinner. My DH has to pay child support for three kids from his first marriage, so basically I have no choice but to be the breadwinner.
I pay for the majority of our expenses, well let me rephrase all our expenses. He spends his money (the little he has) on toys for the kids and himself. (Meanwhile they have boxes of of unopened toys from Christmas) He bought a gun without telling me 3 months before we got married with his tax return and it turned into a huge arguement. I almost called the whole damn thing off, but I didn't. Here I am.
He spends his money and hides it from me, what he got and how much it was. I have to look for the receipts and if he didn't throw them away I find them get pissed off. Like he spent almost three hundred dollars on a bow & arrow set, while I was freaking out about the mortgage payment that month.
Well I told my husband that I just can't do it anymore. I can't pay for everything, I get very little sleep, and I am constantly stressed out and just exhausted. I even had to demote myself from my management position at work because of the emotional toll it was taking on me, I went to salaried position but I took a pay cut. I work on commission now, along with an hourly rate but I feel like a failure. I'm severely depressed and rarely go outside except to go to work. I'm also a recovering drug addict and this pressure if I don't get it under control could cause me to relapse. (I have been sober for 8 years.)
My DH told me he would try to get a better paying job but he has said this for a long time now. It was only when I stopped taking care of myself due to depression and stress that he finally agreed to start looking and started applying. He has promised me he would help me with the finances but almost a year later he hasn't given me a dime. (We have seperate accounts and I will not let him have access to my account because of his excessive spending habits.) I have saved a considerable amount of money to help us in case I lose my job. I want to quit so freaking bad, I mean I hate my job, but I can't because we would end up homeless. My savings would only get us through a year at best..
This has also prevented me from becoming a mother myself, something that I have wanted so badly for so long. He says that he doesn't want to have a baby right now because of our financial situation. We would be fine if he could get his spending under god damn control. It hurts and I am getting resentful because of it.
Uh I am at my wits end. I want to get this under control before it becomes a huge wedge in between us, but everytime I try to approach the subject he gets defensive and it turns into a fight. Thanks for letting me vent.