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What's wrong with a little free time!!!!!

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 8:54 PM
  • 7 Replies
I've been married 7 years. We have 4 kids 12, 10, 10, and 5. We're a joined family he had two from a previous marriage, I had one now we have an ours. His first marriage ended due to him being cheated on, badly like she was messing around with several different men. So I completely understand the insurcurties he has. He works off shore, he's at home for two weeks and gone for two weeks. When he is gone it can be very overwhelming with 4 kids ESP in summer I only work as a fill in hygienist, so I have 4 kids with me all the time. Don't get me wrong I love and adore my kids but it can get stressful fast each child is in some type of activity some more than one activity. So here is my issue: my husband is at work right now, my in laws plan a trip each summer with the kids. But since they have 3 grand girls and 3 grand boys they take the girls on one trip and the boys on another trip. My boys are on their trip now so it's just the girls at home. My parents live 45 mins away and with the kids crazy schelude it's hard for my parents to spend time with them. The boys left Thursday so my girls stayed there that night. I seen them Friday but they stayed Friday also. I have animals to feed so I was home. Saturday they stayed with their aunt I seen them this morning at church. We made plans to stay at my moms myself included but I had to come home because my door some how was open and I have a puppy outside that loves to chew things up. We live in the country so I don't have close neighbors the closest one wont come in my yard cause my other dog will attack. So this is the 4th night I've been by myself. And I'm really enjoying my alone time. I still see my kids everyday except the boys, but my husband is throwing a fit. He says its not normal for me not to have the kids so many nights in a row. And that is true. It's not that I don't want them their just spending time with my parents. But he thinks this will become a habit. I can understand his trust issues but we've been together 10 years 7 of those married surely by now he's gotten over that trust thing. For one I'm not his ex I've never given Him a reason not to trust me. He's just fussing about it not being normal it's not you to get rid of the kids so much. What are you doing blah blah blah. I've been able to clean go through toy boxes and watch what I want to watch on tv. I know 4 nights is a long stretch but is it so wrong of me to enjoy a break. Just being alone. I've not even went out with my girlfriends, none have been here its just me. Why am I not allowed a break?????
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 8:54 PM
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Replies (1-7):
jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:33 AM

 Nothing at all wrong with enjoying a little time to yourself.  The kids are taken care of and enjoying their summer I'm sure! 

As far as the trust thing, once you've been cheated on, it can always creep back up and make you second guess the person you are with.  I know it's been a long time, but there's just something that is always still there and makes you wonder.  I speak from experience here.  My ex cheated on me as well after 15 years of marriage.  I catch myself wondering from time to time, "why wouldn't my current SO cheat...he has less vested in this relationship than my husband did."  KWIM??  I'm sure it's frustrating, but try to see that part from his point of view.  I still maintain that you deserve to enjoy these days of being able to do what you want for yourself though.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:28 AM

 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:26 PM

 I wish I could be like this!!  I'm not even with the cheater anymore and for the most part I do trust my SO, but sometimes it's so hard not to equate something he does that is innocent to something my ex did that wasn't.  Sometimes it's the littlest things that get me, too.

Quoting furbabymum:

 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.

 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:35 PM

 Well I'm not sure what you did but I did a lot of counseling. Then one day my counselor told me to just make the choice. I trust him or I don't. I choose to trust him. He still does things that make me remember how it used to be, the bad times ya know. BUT I choose to get over it so I make my mind move on. I don't dwell.

Quoting jmjdj:

 I wish I could be like this!!  I'm not even with the cheater anymore and for the most part I do trust my SO, but sometimes it's so hard not to equate something he does that is innocent to something my ex did that wasn't.  Sometimes it's the littlest things that get me, too.

Quoting furbabymum:

 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.

 

 

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:26 PM
I got divorced. Lol!! Probably should've done counseling after but I didn't. It's been too crazy with the kids to deal with me. I try really hard not to let things make me question or second guess my SO because he's not given me any reason not to trust him. And even when the little things happen I don't tell him because I don't want him to feel like he's paying for what someone else did to me. It's just hard sometimes as I'm sure you know.

Quoting furbabymum:

 Well I'm not sure what you did but I did a lot of counseling. Then one day my counselor told me to just make the choice. I trust him or I don't. I choose to trust him. He still does things that make me remember how it used to be, the bad times ya know. BUT I choose to get over it so I make my mind move on. I don't dwell.


Quoting jmjdj:


 I wish I could be like this!!  I'm not even with the cheater anymore and for the most part I do trust my SO, but sometimes it's so hard not to equate something he does that is innocent to something my ex did that wasn't.  Sometimes it's the littlest things that get me, too.


Quoting furbabymum:


 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.


 


 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:32 PM

 I understand. So long as you aren't dwelling on it or acting on it I'd say you are showing trust. The good thing, for me, is that it's gotten less and less as the years have gone by. Now I pretty much don't even have those flitting thoughts. Of course, my DH had an undiagnosed mental disorder at the time so treatment has pretty much made him a different person. lol

Quoting jmjdj:

I got divorced. Lol!! Probably should've done counseling after but I didn't. It's been too crazy with the kids to deal with me. I try really hard not to let things make me question or second guess my SO because he's not given me any reason not to trust him. And even when the little things happen I don't tell him because I don't want him to feel like he's paying for what someone else did to me. It's just hard sometimes as I'm sure you know.

Quoting furbabymum:

 Well I'm not sure what you did but I did a lot of counseling. Then one day my counselor told me to just make the choice. I trust him or I don't. I choose to trust him. He still does things that make me remember how it used to be, the bad times ya know. BUT I choose to get over it so I make my mind move on. I don't dwell.


Quoting jmjdj:


 I wish I could be like this!!  I'm not even with the cheater anymore and for the most part I do trust my SO, but sometimes it's so hard not to equate something he does that is innocent to something my ex did that wasn't.  Sometimes it's the littlest things that get me, too.


Quoting furbabymum:


 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.


 


 

 

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm glad things have worked out well for you. Not all men are complete idiots like my ex! Lol. He's definitely a completely different person and not in a good way. Glad he's gone!! I at least have someone much better now.

Quoting furbabymum:

 I understand. So long as you aren't dwelling on it or acting on it I'd say you are showing trust. The good thing, for me, is that it's gotten less and less as the years have gone by. Now I pretty much don't even have those flitting thoughts. Of course, my DH had an undiagnosed mental disorder at the time so treatment has pretty much made him a different person. lol


Quoting jmjdj:

I got divorced. Lol!! Probably should've done counseling after but I didn't. It's been too crazy with the kids to deal with me. I try really hard not to let things make me question or second guess my SO because he's not given me any reason not to trust him. And even when the little things happen I don't tell him because I don't want him to feel like he's paying for what someone else did to me. It's just hard sometimes as I'm sure you know.


Quoting furbabymum:


 Well I'm not sure what you did but I did a lot of counseling. Then one day my counselor told me to just make the choice. I trust him or I don't. I choose to trust him. He still does things that make me remember how it used to be, the bad times ya know. BUT I choose to get over it so I make my mind move on. I don't dwell.



Quoting jmjdj:



 I wish I could be like this!!  I'm not even with the cheater anymore and for the most part I do trust my SO, but sometimes it's so hard not to equate something he does that is innocent to something my ex did that wasn't.  Sometimes it's the littlest things that get me, too.



Quoting furbabymum:



 I think you need to stop putting up with his bullshit. My DH actually cheated on me and it only took me a year to trust him again. You've never even done anything so the fact that he doesn't trust you is a huge issue to me. He either does trust you in all things or he doesn't. If my DH didn't trust me I wouldn't be with him. So, tell him to stop the bullshit and go to a counselor.



 



 


 

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