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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Heal a marriage after problems with family

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The title says it all. I am wanting to know how to heal a marriage after years of in law drama. My in laws have made my life & marriage hell. My husband has atleast for now has made things better by not talking to them much, but im still scared to get close to him again. I'm scared it ill go back to being horrible. Any advice or just ideas on how on how to heal myself or my marriage.


by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 5:16 PM
Replies (21-27):
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:41 AM

 I thought you were saying counseling was bad. Misread what you meant. Sorry! Guess you meant you didn't understand why she posted on CM?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Yeah- that's why I said "COUNSELING"......

 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Can you not see the usefulness of an unbiased observer telling you what is going on? People have habits, habits they don't even realize they have. It's always nice to have someone watch you interact and tell you what you are doing right and wrong. I know my DH and I were in a horrible pattern of communication and we didn't even realize it.

Quoting happinessforyou:

Counseling- I always wonder why married couples let outsiders inside their marriage? GL

 

 

 

 

littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this


I hope one day we can do couples therapy. My dh is on board with what ever it takes to get our family back on track. My daughter is 5 and we have been together for 3 years, my in laws have always excluded my daughter from everything because she isn't blood. They also have never seen our dd 2 since she was born. I'm looking up things like crazy on the Internet. I really want my marriage and family to work.

Quoting furbabymum:

 I think a lot of people can talk through issues if they have effective communication skills. The problem is most people don't. I know that I didn't used to. Counseling helped us develop those skills. Now that we have them we don't really need counseling as we can talk through issues ourselves.

Also, people underestimate the value of a good mediator. Sometimes we save up all our big conflicts for counseling so she can mediate them. It's rather necessary when 2 people of equal stubborness have married. ;)

But, if finances really prohibit counseling than learning to effectively communicate through books and online is a good place to start.

This will only really work out if you are both willing to work at it though. Is your DH onboard OP?

Quoting jmlmomma:

I don't think you need to go to someone... just research online and TALK with your husband about how you both need to handle this.. 

 



littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:44 AM


I posted because I honestly thought I could get some useful imformation from women that's been there.

Quoting furbabymum:

 I thought you were saying counseling was bad. Misread what you meant. Sorry! Guess you meant you didn't understand why she posted on CM?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Yeah- that's why I said "COUNSELING"......


Quoting furbabymum:

 Can you not see the usefulness of an unbiased observer telling you what is going on? People have habits, habits they don't even realize they have. It's always nice to have someone watch you interact and tell you what you are doing right and wrong. I know my DH and I were in a horrible pattern of communication and we didn't even realize it.

Quoting happinessforyou:

Counseling- I always wonder why married couples let outsiders inside their marriage? GL

 



 



littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:45 AM


I will look I'm to that. Thank you. I think the problem is with both of them honestly. 

Quoting LilliesValley:


If you have insurance see what the cost is. If you don't have insurance a lot of hospitals have free or sliding scale clinics that will see you. It would be something to look into.

Op is the problem with your spouse or with his family. I was under the impression it was with his family but from the replies I'm wondering if the problem is with him too?

Quoting littlemrsd:

I don't see how counseling is in the budget. 





littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:50 AM


I will look up cheap date ideas. That's what I'm here for. I honestly want ideas to rebuild out marriage! Sometimes I think he avoids them to not cause tension but I just want to feel he is doing this for the right reasons. 

Quoting Verrine:

OP:  That's great that he is putting your marriage first! What do the two of you do together that is fun? Search under "cheap date ideas." You want to build your relationship. Otherwise, he's avoiding them because it causes tension, but not choosing you for something positive.  

furbabymum:  What in the world are 4 counselors doing? My son has a therapist and I've been in therapy and we've had couples counseling, so I support the idea, but 4 sounds like a lot. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 It's a priority thing really. Do I like that we just send a $300 check to just 1 of our counselors (we have 4), no. But it's worth the money to make my marriage successful. If you really want to make it you'll find the money. That's my opinion.




happinessforyou
by Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

big smile miniI just hope she can find a way out of this-inlaws can really suck sometimes!


Quoting furbabymum:

 I thought you were saying counseling was bad. Misread what you meant. Sorry! Guess you meant you didn't understand why she posted on CM?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Yeah- that's why I said "COUNSELING"......


Quoting furbabymum:

 Can you not see the usefulness of an unbiased observer telling you what is going on? People have habits, habits they don't even realize they have. It's always nice to have someone watch you interact and tell you what you are doing right and wrong. I know my DH and I were in a horrible pattern of communication and we didn't even realize it.

Quoting happinessforyou:

Counseling- I always wonder why married couples let outsiders inside their marriage? GL

 



 



littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:09 PM


I have been dealing with this for years! In laws do suck! 

Quoting happinessforyou:

big smile miniI just hope she can find a way out of this-inlaws can really suck sometimes!


Quoting furbabymum:

 I thought you were saying counseling was bad. Misread what you meant. Sorry! Guess you meant you didn't understand why she posted on CM?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Yeah- that's why I said "COUNSELING"......


Quoting furbabymum:

 Can you not see the usefulness of an unbiased observer telling you what is going on? People have habits, habits they don't even realize they have. It's always nice to have someone watch you interact and tell you what you are doing right and wrong. I know my DH and I were in a horrible pattern of communication and we didn't even realize it.

Quoting happinessforyou:

Counseling- I always wonder why married couples let outsiders inside their marriage? GL

 



 





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