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discipline- how alike/ different are you and your SO?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:29 AM
  • 28 Replies
I'm the disciplinary one in my home (even though its always a failure) and my Dh is lenient, aloof and normally doesn't discipline at all. This is what ruins my discipline plans...I say no..he says yes. I say don't do that...he ignores whatever it is ( unless its something of his- then its a different story). He says I'm too strict I say he's too slack. I think kids need rules guidance and boundaries...he just doesn't have an opinion either way. Examples: picking up toys clothes etc..throwing trash in the right place ...putting dishes in the sink...all simple stuff a 6 year old can.do. however...mine only seems to do these things when I fuss at him...why? Cuz dad never puts his clothes in the hamper ( throws them anywhere they'll land) ..doesn't put dishes in sink or dishwasher or even put clean ones up. Leaves trash everywhere that I end up picking up...you get the idea. I take toys away...sometimes permanently. Ive done timeouts etc...nothing has worked because I'm the only one who does it...how confusing is that to a kid? Its no surprise ..but how do you get thru to an adult??
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:38 AM

Yep when I ask them to do something, they do it and they ignore him because they know when Mommy says something it gets done or there will be discipline.  Even my 3 yr old puts her plate in the sink, sippy in the sink, clothes in the hamper, stuff in the garbage or recycle but my hubby lets them get away with everything.  It is how he was raised though, even in his 20s, his parents were still cleaning his room whereas I cam from a single-parent home and I was self sufficient by 8 yrs old to include cooking family meals, etc.

horselover123
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:46 AM
U sound like me! I came from a single parent home..my mom raised me with my unclear and grandpa's help ( they were all military men) ..my hub was the baby...born and raised with a silver spoon..never was taught how to be INDEPENDENT ..only taught dependence and to expect to have his way and things done for him. We have always been polar opposites but it was never an issue til our son was born. Its been a battle ever since.
horselover123
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:47 AM
Correction - uncles ...stupid auto correct LOL.
Jewl-e
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:00 AM
My situation is a little complicated but I am def the disciplinarian. I have a 7 y/o and a 5 y/o and DH has a 3 y/o and together we have a 2 month old. My Ex and I disciplined our two when we were together but since we split he lets them do whatever as long as they do it away from him (I hate that)DH only gets his DD every so often and when she acts out or misbehaves instead of sticking to a punishment he gives her the option to get out of it... I discipline her when hes at work and even I'd admit Im strict (not so much with my kids anymore because they're "trained" except when it calls for it) I kind of understand his reasoning of not wanting the little time she gets to spend with us to be "bad" but I dont support it and he knows it. I know that I will have to discipline our son unless I can get him to understand that we need to be a united front no matter what...
mp0264
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:32 AM
1 mom liked this

All you can do is control your own behavior. If you feel that being strict is what's good for your kids, then do that. Discipline them when they get in trouble. Keep doing what you are doing. Unfortunatley, your child will suffer from a lot of confusion with the multiple parental roles. But, if you are consistent, you are solid, and show integrity then when your children are older they will want to follow in your footsteps. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to control men. The only one you can control is you. So be what you think is the best example and love your kids unconditionally. Keep your chin up. I wish you peace.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 Any differences in discipline we discuss with our marriage counselor and get on the same page. I'm still the disciplinarian but my DH support me 100%.

You should have trained that man ages ago though. It took some time but mine puts his own dishes up now and throws away his own trash.

You see, if my DH stopped putting his dishes up, etc I'd stop cooking for him. You're just being used as a doormat.

Freela
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:20 PM

Officially, we are on the same page. I think I had stronger ideas about discipline than dh did, so he basiclaly followed my lead because his feelings about issues like spanking, etc. weren't as strong. Unofficially, I'm the main disciplinarian but dh has a lower tolerance to frustration and will get snippy/frustrated a lot faster than me. This leads to dh dealing with more minor stuff and me being the heavy when required.

little.worthen
by Tessie on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this
We are totally different in every way. Sucks..
TS9509
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:22 PM
My dh tries to discipline the kids but he doesn't stick to the punishment for longer than 24 hours. I however stick to whatever I have told them.
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GarysWife1991
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:43 PM

 We went to counseling before we got married and that's the main thing that we discussed since dh had custody of his 3 daughters and I was coming in as the new wife.  Dh and I are basically on the same page and we probably parent on the liberal side.  We want the kids to be able to talk to one of us or both of us about anything without fear of being judged. Our big hot buttons where the kids will get in trouble are respect and honesty.  So far our kids are responsible, polite and hard working kids who make mistakes but learn from those mistakes.  I treat the kids as my bio kids and I love them to death. 

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