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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Okay ladies need advice

Posted by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 9:53 AM
  • 13 Replies
So as I have posted before I am going through a divorce that I didn't want and it's been pretty ruff. Well in the past week Eric has been texting me and telling me how sorry he is and that he wants to fix us and start over. He said the he knows I will need time but he wants to wait. I am not sure how I feel. I know that no matter what I am going through with the divorce but can I ever forgive the things he has said to me? Or his actions of the past few months? And Can I ever really heal?

I am very confused and I don't know what to do.
Any advice.
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anniewhereugo
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 9:56 AM
2 moms liked this

Anything is possible and a lot depends on how deep you are both committed to making it work again.  I highly recommend counselling as you are both going to have to work on trust and the deeper issue of love.  A person can forgive another for just about anything, but it all boils down to both of you being able to change and to sustain that change.  Start small and go slow.

koley05
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:06 AM
Well for me it would depend on what he said and what he did! Some things can be forgiven and some can't. It just depends.
SeymoreButts
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:46 AM
He called me awful thing said bad things about my family. And other crazy things


Quoting koley05:

Well for me it would depend on what he said and what he did! Some things can be forgiven and some can't. It just depends.

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:47 AM
2 moms liked this

When I was going through my divorce I was 19..  we had just married.  We were in love, rushed into things and instead of trying to make things stick, he got scared and took off.  He cheated on me, was never home..  I didn't know where he was half the time.  

Finally he called me one day and said something along the lines of him not being able to be a husband, he couldn't provide for me, he'd messed up too bad.  I told him all would be forgiven (I was young and stupid) as long as he came home.  

He said that he thought we should divorce and he could "come back for me later" when he could provide for me.  I told him..  "Once you file those papers, once you even darken the door step of your attorney's office..  it's done.  Don't ever look my way again."

I didn't want that divorce.  I was scared, still so in love and it took me almost a year of heavy mourning to heal.  But at the end of that, something much better came along.  I met my now DH.  We've been married nearly 10 years now.  He's my best friend and I thank God every day that I divorced my first husband because it led me "home".

There's life out there.  It doesn't seem like it now.  But there is.  You'll be angry.  You will mourn.  It will hurt like hell, I won't lie to you.  But eventually you wake up from the haze and the birds are signing and the air is clear..  you'll find your happiness again, I promise.

Don't settle for someone who is willing to hurt you so terribly..  for someone who is okay with making you feel that way.  Someone who really loves you, won't be okay with your tears.

(big hugs)

..I wasn't trying to take over your post..  just giving you some insight.  :)

SeymoreButts
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:53 AM
That's a good point and why I am so conflicted about everything


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

When I was going through my divorce I was 19..  we had just married.  We were in love, rushed into things and instead of trying to make things stick, he got scared and took off.  He cheated on me, was never home..  I didn't know where he was half the time.  

Finally he called me one day and said something along the lines of him not being able to be a husband, he couldn't provide for me, he'd messed up too bad.  I told him all would be forgiven (I was young and stupid) as long as he came home.  

He said that he thought we should divorce and he could "come back for me later" when he could provide for me.  I told him..  "Once you file those papers, once you even darken the door step of your attorney's office..  it's done.  Don't ever look my way again."

I didn't want that divorce.  I was scared, still so in love and it took me almost a year of heavy mourning to heal.  But at the end of that, something much better came along.  I met my now DH.  We've been married nearly 10 years now.  He's my best friend and I thank God every day that I divorced my first husband because it led me "home".

There's life out there.  It doesn't seem like it now.  But there is.  You'll be angry.  You will mourn.  It will hurt like hell, I won't lie to you.  But eventually you wake up from the haze and the birds are signing and the air is clear..  you'll find your happiness again, I promise.

Don't settle for someone who is willing to hurt you so terribly..  for someone who is okay with making you feel that way.  Someone who really loves you, won't be okay with your tears.

(big hugs)

..I wasn't trying to take over your post..  just giving you some insight.  :)


AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:59 AM

In a divorce, it's part of the mourning/healing process.  Doubt and confusion run wild at this time.  That's why you should never make a quick decision about things (like going back to your ex).  Take time and get some perspective before making any decisions.  

I mourned my ex violently.  I wasn't violent but I cried for weeks.  I cried so hard I threw up constantly.  I was sick for a long time.  I even put myself through school during this time and hid very well what I was feeling from my peers and my professors.  I dreamed every day of going to him and begging him to work things out.  But my head said, "No, you're too good for that.  Don't chase after someone that doesn't want to be chased."  I'm glad I listened.  And if I hadn't had school to ground me, I probably would have taken off half way across the country again to try to convince him to come home.  God was looking out for me.

Quoting SeymoreButts:

That's a good point and why I am so conflicted about everything


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

When I was going through my divorce I was 19..  we had just married.  We were in love, rushed into things and instead of trying to make things stick, he got scared and took off.  He cheated on me, was never home..  I didn't know where he was half the time.  

Finally he called me one day and said something along the lines of him not being able to be a husband, he couldn't provide for me, he'd messed up too bad.  I told him all would be forgiven (I was young and stupid) as long as he came home.  

He said that he thought we should divorce and he could "come back for me later" when he could provide for me.  I told him..  "Once you file those papers, once you even darken the door step of your attorney's office..  it's done.  Don't ever look my way again."

I didn't want that divorce.  I was scared, still so in love and it took me almost a year of heavy mourning to heal.  But at the end of that, something much better came along.  I met my now DH.  We've been married nearly 10 years now.  He's my best friend and I thank God every day that I divorced my first husband because it led me "home".

There's life out there.  It doesn't seem like it now.  But there is.  You'll be angry.  You will mourn.  It will hurt like hell, I won't lie to you.  But eventually you wake up from the haze and the birds are signing and the air is clear..  you'll find your happiness again, I promise.

Don't settle for someone who is willing to hurt you so terribly..  for someone who is okay with making you feel that way.  Someone who really loves you, won't be okay with your tears.

(big hugs)

..I wasn't trying to take over your post..  just giving you some insight.  :)



kidlover2
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Very similar story with one side note. I wish that my first husband and I could have made it work and that we could have fixed it with counseling together. He didn't want to and there was illegal drugs and alcohol involved so in the end there was no hope and no real love lost. I am sooooo much happier with my new husband. Our relationship is healthier and stronger than my first and we've only been together a year.

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

When I was going through my divorce I was 19..  we had just married.  We were in love, rushed into things and instead of trying to make things stick, he got scared and took off.  He cheated on me, was never home..  I didn't know where he was half the time.  

Finally he called me one day and said something along the lines of him not being able to be a husband, he couldn't provide for me, he'd messed up too bad.  I told him all would be forgiven (I was young and stupid) as long as he came home.  

He said that he thought we should divorce and he could "come back for me later" when he could provide for me.  I told him..  "Once you file those papers, once you even darken the door step of your attorney's office..  it's done.  Don't ever look my way again."

I didn't want that divorce.  I was scared, still so in love and it took me almost a year of heavy mourning to heal.  But at the end of that, something much better came along.  I met my now DH.  We've been married nearly 10 years now.  He's my best friend and I thank God every day that I divorced my first husband because it led me "home".

There's life out there.  It doesn't seem like it now.  But there is.  You'll be angry.  You will mourn.  It will hurt like hell, I won't lie to you.  But eventually you wake up from the haze and the birds are signing and the air is clear..  you'll find your happiness again, I promise.

Don't settle for someone who is willing to hurt you so terribly..  for someone who is okay with making you feel that way.  Someone who really loves you, won't be okay with your tears.

(big hugs)

..I wasn't trying to take over your post..  just giving you some insight.  :)

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 11:09 AM

 How far into the divorce process are you? Could it be he's seeing how expensive it's going to be to be apart and is wanting to get together again to avoid it. If he's willing to do counseling and such I would consider giving him a chance but I WOULD NOT dismiss the divorce proceedings until I was 100% positive it was the right thing to do.

SeymoreButts
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 11:27 AM
About half way. And no I told him we will be finishing the divorce. It's the only way I am protect my kids to make sure he is paying for them and we have money to live. We got married at 19 and are now 21. We don't feel marriage is right for us if we really do stay together at this point. He is older he will be 25 this month.


Quoting furbabymum:

 How far into the divorce process are you? Could it be he's seeing how expensive it's going to be to be apart and is wanting to get together again to avoid it. If he's willing to do counseling and such I would consider giving him a chance but I WOULD NOT dismiss the divorce proceedings until I was 100% positive it was the right thing to do.


emarin77
by Silver Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 1:57 PM

 


Quoting Anniewhereugo:

Anything is possible and a lot depends on how deep you are both committed to making it work again.  I highly recommend counselling as you are both going to have to work on trust and the deeper issue of love.  A person can forgive another for just about anything, but it all boils down to both of you being able to change and to sustain that change.  Start small and go slow.


 

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