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who comes first..so or kids?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:50 AM
  • 18 Replies
I was raised & always told that in serious relationships the so comes first & the kids come second but in such a way that the kids are never to go with out. Now that is for ppl who ended up w decent spouses. For the rest of us who made the mistake of marrying & having kids w someone selfish & we had to make all the right choices which then incl leaving the relationship & then later found another it has me curious how is goes down then. Is it supposed to b any different really? So who of u out there is married & w kids & how does it work? Who's remarried or not & just w so for a long period of time & its serious & how doez yours break down?
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jojo_star
by Gold Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:55 AM
I am married, 7 years this August. We have four kids and I am pregnant. It is very serious :) my husband comes first. I'm not really sure what you are asking though. This is my first marriage, but dh's third.
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coupon_ash_back
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:56 AM
I don't put my family members in order of importance. They are both first.
2lilmamas
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:39 AM
They are all important but my kids to me come first.
Bleacher-mom
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree. I'm not sure what situations you maybe talking about, but most of our dicisions are done with all family members in mind.

Quoting coupon_ash_back:

I don't put my family members in order of importance. They are both first.



larabear1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:46 AM
I've heard that in a marriage, you can't be an effective parent, without being an effective spouse. That's what I've heard, but I'm not sure I believe it 100%. What I do believe is that my children are innocent and defenseless (to a certain extent) and they need me or their dad to teach them how to make their way in this world. So, dh and I put our children first.
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RheaF
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:09 AM
1 mom liked this

God,marriage,kids.

ETA.

In saying that, my kids are never neglected. When I say this, I am not saying basic needs, or the "what if there's a fire, and you can only save one...." scenario. I am saying that in my home, God is the foundation, and my marriage are the walls. Without either of these things, if my relationship with either God, or my Hubby is not strong, then my family will crumble. I come from a home where the marriage was put before the kids, and I know the heartbreak that can cause. One day my children will not need me as much, yes it is sad to think that, but it will happen. I will be left with my just my Husband. I want to be able to really enjoy those years. To look on that and think, "I made it with my best friend by my side". Not to look at him and wonder who he is, or look at him with built up resentment for the past.

emmy526
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:38 AM

My kids from a former relationship, came before any man.  After i married, they still came first, as they were here first, not my new husband. 

98765
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:14 AM
1 mom liked this

My marriage comes first. We have been married 11.5 years and have 2 kids. Now, in saying that, my kids needs are always met no matter what and we are oth there for them all the time. However, there will be a day when the kids grow up and dont need us as much. I don't want to look at my husband and not know who he is.

So we make time for date nights, even once a month if that. Whenever we can. I give into "quickies" while the kids are watching TV downstairs, we text all day everyday while he is at work, and sometimes I try to stay up late after the kids go to bed to hang out with him.

TheMrs407
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:16 AM

Same but different.  We are a team, best friends and lovers, but if I can only take a bullet for one, I'm taking it for my child.

kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:38 AM
In what context? My relationship with my husband is completely different than my relationship with my children. This is my second marriage. My husband in his own way "comes first" but I love my girls with my life.
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