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How do I make my dh happy??

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 6:27 PM
  • 17 Replies
My dh and I got married young and really soon. We sorta rushed into it. I do love him and I know he loves me too but it seems like we never agree on things and were always arguing and I can tell its destroying our marriage. We go to marriage counseling but its not really helping. I really don't want to see out marriage dwindle like this. He says I need to make him happy and I've tried but he doesn't think so. I guess I'm suppose to read his mind or automatically know what to do to make him happy. Well all I can say is a few things have changed like I don't want to have sex anymore. It happens once in a blue moon and I quit my job almost a yr ago to spend more time with my baby girl. So I'm not bringing in any money or support and I'm sure it's hard. He thinks I like to start arguments with him on purpose just to destroy our marriage on purpose and I don't. I only have one more chance to show him how much I love him and want things to work. It goes in more detail but let's just say things aren't good and he says I need to show him I'm happy and make him happy too. Please tell me what I can do
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 6:27 PM
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by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 7:15 PM
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I think that it sounds like an excuse... I learned the hard way, You cant make anyone happy, they have to be happy with themselves. I understand how hard it is to be married young but you get props for wanting to fix it and make it work. Do you know what kind of things he is looking for to make him happy? My guy is really easy to please so I dont know how far he wants you to go to make him happy. Cooking works for mine, maybe a back rub, showering together, getting a sitter and going out and doing something he likes to do.

by Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 7:34 PM
I have been feeling the same way. I get frustrated at work and I get home and he's mad no matter what I have ever said or anything. Been there, done that. We are still together and working on it. Hang in there.
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 7:37 PM

Communication worksheets maybe? My S/O and I did some together and it helped us tremendously.

by Jenn! on Jul. 8, 2013 at 5:07 AM
If he can't communicate what it is that he needs from you it's his own fault for not talking about it, and it sounds like he's making excuses. What kind of things made you fall in love with each other? Maybe you can use those answers to help create a spark. As far as sex goes, it's completely understandable. If the spark isn't there it's not enjoyable. Hope you guys work things out and find happiness. :)
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 5:21 AM

all couples have problems at times.  And it seems like when they do, the first thing out the window is the fun times and date nights.  Especially when you have young children, it is super important to have bonding time together when you aren't focusing on anything except having fun with each other. 

Go do something that you both will enjoy and have a rule that you cannot discuss anything stressful or upsetting.  And do this at least once each week.  Even if money is tight, you can still have a date night in your bedroom. Get a bottle of wine and watch a funny movie.  Laugh and remember what brought you two together.  If you do these things it's often easier to discuss the difficult things.

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:51 AM
Bjs.... Or sex... My bf and I have been having probs and its because I've been breastfeeding and ignoring his needs. Our issues aren't as deep but sex helps. He needs to know you want him.
by Casey on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:55 AM
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"You need to make me happy" is a dangerous statement, because guess what? It doesn't work that way. It's not up to you to make him happy. You can't. Happy couples are happy within themselves and therefore are happy together. If he's miserable, it's all on him.

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:58 AM

 All marriages have their up & down. You just need to work together to solve the problems

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

 Tell that bastard to make his own damn self happy. No one can make anyone happy. You either choose to be happy or you don't. Fuck him! Whoo, I feel passionate about that.

I tell ya I'm a happy person. I've made the choice to be happy no matter what and I am. My DH, well he's not. I've never tried to make him happy either. I'll never succeed. He'll never make the choice to be happy. He'll never be content with life. He'll never be satisified. I guess I just accept that about him and don't take it personally. I think that's why he loves me so much. I'm thie ray of sun in his otherwise black world.

Anyway, I take care of him the best I can but I do it because I love him and not because I'm trying to make him happy.

If you're counseling isn't working get a different counselor. Not all counselors are a good fit. Also, could not be working because you guys aren't dedicated to trying. Takes 2 people making a committment to fix things. This sounds like it's all put on your shoulders.

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 2:50 PM

Happiness is a choice.  Your husband has to want to be happy.  You need to work together to do things to please the other.  He needs to figure out what it is that will make him happy.  He needs to spell it out.  You have a right to be happy as well. 

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