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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Stressed out about baby, perhaps?

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 9:44 PM
  • 3 Replies
Hello everyone! I am just wondering if anyone else has struggled with this? My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have been together for 7... He is 36 and I am 32. We just found out about our unplanned, yet welcome little jelly bean coming in March (I am five weeks pregnant today) and are both excited about it; however, we have been fighting SOOOO much this week. We do have regular fights, but we work it out as many couples do-- but after tonight, we had a blow out because he is upset that I am not including him in "baby buying" decisions. Yes, I went to the Salvation Army and bought a cute little bumper that I plan on upcycling and bought some diapers, wipes, pacifiers, and baby lotion as a way to tell his parents, but he got REALLY mad at me. He is mad because he has no say in telling people, he feels. Yes, I clearly see his point, but I have always been the "driven" one in the relationship and he has always had the lackadaisical role, but now, we are both driving each other wild. This is our FIRST baby, and I am sooo excited. I am sooo excited for his family to find out, especially his mom. I lost my mom to uterine cancer last year, and that is all I have wanted, my mom her to share this with us-- and it is really hard. I miss her more than ever. I told him that. Anyhow, this is beginning much longer than needed, but we discussed it, and figured out that we are just stressed about our whole lives changing and working through preexisting marital issues (come on, we all have them). Did anyone else go through this? Please let me know! :) Thank you so much for listening!
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 9:44 PM
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MomToovey
by Marianne on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:24 PM

 My situation is way different. My DH and I sat up late one night planning out the whole thing: when we'd start TTC, how we'd tell our parents, when we'd tell them, etc. So he was very much involved in the whole process. And he's also very much a planner, like myself, and actively wanted to be a part of the decision making (he was the same with our wedding!). From now on, I'd probably just make sure you involve him with decisions and purchases. If he's as lackadaisical as described, you'll likely still get to do what you want to with each decision!

Congratulations!

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:19 PM

 My ex who I had 4 kids with biologically and I fought a lot anyway, especially me with him. Each time I was pregnant the one big disagreement we had was I couldn't wait to know the sex of the baby and he didn't want to know, he wanted to be surprised when they were born. SO we agreed that for the  telling ultrasound when it was time for the reveal he would step out of the room and they would just tell me, but I couldnt tell him AND since he felt he should know  before other people and didnt want other people to slip  either, he didnt want me to tell a single soul just keep it all to myself until each  child was born. I wanted to tell the world but I was really good about it and I swear I  never told one single person until the babies were born. He did let me go to yard sales and thrift stores to get baby stuff  (girl or boy) but he'd wait in  the car and I would double bag it and then  store it in boxes in the back of the closet, he knew he could go peek in those boxes or just askme if he wanted to know but he never did.

Also naming the babies was a huge issue, I am very very opinionated and passionate about  naming my kids, I have to like how they sound, they can't be too common at the time and they have to have a good meaning behind them that is  fitting. I pretty much  named the kids for the most part but I had to do some heavy persuading to get my way on a few of them.

I also wanted them raised and disciplined a certain way and no other way was acceptable and I made sure he knew this was super serious as far as  I was concerned and non negotiable. I read and studied all kinds of parenting books and such and went to classes and also babysat since I was 10 and was a live in nanny in the past and he did none of those things so I figured I knew what I was talkingabout way more than hedid and I was passionate about it, he saw my way worked so was fine with it. Anytime he swayed from  it at all especially in  a negative way there was hell to pay.

Later on  the  biggest argument as they got older was HE wanted them raised strictly Roman Catholic and I wanted them to be raised to find their own truths and what resonates with in each of them and to be open minded, open hearted and good people and embrace the  beauties and wisdoms found in many faithpaths and even lack there of and make it their OWN like I do. Ex was FURIOUS  about that but I got my way. I did educate them  in his  beliefs too just  in  case that WAS THEIR own truth but it turned out  it wasnt for  any of them. And it drove him nuts that I talk to kids/teens like equals and never down to them and I EARNED their respect not demanded it without earning it like he did. I allowed the kids to speak their minds and respectfully agree to disagree, that made him crazy.

We ended up divorced and me and the kids were much  happier.

 YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 congratulationsexpecting baby

 YVONNE

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