I'm new here, but I need some advice. I'm 26, DH is 35, we have been married for almost 2 years, we were friends for a year before that but didn't date for very long before tying the knot. I have two DDs (4 and 5) from a previous (abusive) marriage, and he has a DS (15) from a previous marriage.
Until recently we worked for the same company, but about 4 months ago I got offered a better job, so we both ended up leaving there. Ever since then, it doesn't feel like our marriage is the same. I'm a Paramedic and he's an EMT - and anyone who knows that field knows it's bad for marriage to begin with. I knew it would change things when we left, and was actually very worried about the kind of connection we would have with each other once we stopped working together, and I'm just disappointed and depressed about how much it seems to have affected us. We used to be extremely happy with each other - not in the way of puppy love/lust, we saw each others flaws, but we were both very loving, everyone we knew or met said they wished their marriage was like ours.
Now it's like we're just so complacent, almost like roommates and not a couple. We say I love you to each other all the time, go out on a weekly date night, we hardly ever fight and when we do argue we do it respectfully, we spend time with all the kids...I feel like we do well balancing everything, and I just don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. He says I love you to me all the time, but he doesn't regularly give me hugs and kisses anymore, doesn't cuddle with me at night, we only have sex if we've been drinking. When we go on our date nights now, we hardly talk to each other, and end up inviting friends to make the night better. He says it's not me, that he thinks I'm sexy, loves me with all his heart, but I just feel like the words are empty.
He's a diabetic, so he blames a lot of the sex issues on that, which I completely understand IS part of it. The disease itself can affect libido, and so can the medications he's on. My problem is that he tells me that it's not just me he doesn't want sex with, he doesn't want it with anyone, but then I find porn on his phone or on the tv. So, that doesn't really seem to make sense. I don't inherently have an issue with porn BTW, we've watched it together before just to spice up the night. But it bothers me that he won't be intimate with me (besides the sex, he won't even cuddle or make out with me), but he wants to look at other women naked.
I don't think he's cheating on me, I trust him. I just think he doesn't love me anymore, but he doesn't want to tell me that. And I don't know what to do. Sometimes it makes me question if I still love him....I do, but I guess it's just the lack of intimacy makes my mind wander (the rest of me does not wander, had that done to me, WILL NOT do that to someone else). I don't want a divorce, just advice because I've tried going on different types of dates with him, tried surprising him with lingerie, tried explaining my feelings to him. I don't want to have an OK marriage, I want to have a great marriage, so just looking for some help to get back to that.
Thanks, and sorry for the post being so long (guess I needed to get this stuff off my chest).