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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do you and your significant other argue often?

Posted by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:55 AM
  • 27 Replies

The Real Reason Couples Argue May Not Be What You'd Expect

by Emily Abbate

couple arguingI hate arguing. There, I said it. When it comes to relationships and all things romantic, I try to avoid confrontation in any way possible. I'd so much rather things between someone I'm dating and myself be happy, light, and not weighed down by the negative energy that arguing brings. With that said, it's generally unavoidable, and according to a recent study -- there could be a greater reason why couples argue in the first place.

A Baylor University study reveals that the real reason you argue with someone else you're involved with is so that they can relinquish power, making you feel more dominant. So essentially, couples argue so someone can feel like they have control? Well now, that sounds healthy ... not.

Despite whether your arguments are based off of emotions or occurrences, I can see where this study is coming from. Say I was to find out that a boyfriend cheated on me. In that scenario where it feels like he harnessed his power in the relationship to step outside the lines, I instantaneously feel weak. Causing a fight and argument with him may stem from my emotions and the hurt he's caused me, but the ultimate goal at the end of the dispute will be for me to not feel so low. In a situation like that where one could feel extremely vulnerable, my goal would be to somehow gain back the strength that he's taken from me and therefore -- him to relinquish some of that power. Ugh, men.

It's a crazy cycle that we all go through in relationships. Plain and simple: It's hardly ever smooth sailing for any couple. Whether or not it's a bit of a power struggle -- the thing that matters is that you can argue with someone, handle the issue, and come out on the other side of it with a greater understanding. That alone is just as important as the mushy gushy stuff. Believe me.

Do you and your significant other argue often? Do you believe this study?

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kidlover2
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:04 AM
I won't deny this study. I find humans and their subconscious reasoning fascinating. My mother is an undiagnosed bipolar who acts like an alcoholic without actually drinking ( her dad was a true alcoholic). My first husband is probably a undiagnosed bipolar who as our marriage progressed began treating his symptoms with drugs and alcohol. I am remarried now to a sober alcoholic. ( he's 19 years sober) His dad is a bipolar alcoholic. He has 3 younger brothers who all married women with alcoholic parents. Anyways.... Back to the original question. We disagree fairly regularly. We are 2 very different people. We occasionally argue ( trying to get the other person to agree to our side of the issue) but mostly we hear each other out and either come to a compromise and or if the particular issue is very important to one of us, we will agree with that choice.
bamababe1975
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:09 AM

 No, we seldom ever fight. My hubby would probably laugh and say it's because he's happy with my being in charge, but I think it's because we're on equal footing in our relationship and neither of us really needs to have control.



lulalacroix
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:18 AM

My dh and I used to argue a lot.  And that was due to a power struggle.  It took us a lot of years to find our places in this marriage.

Now a days we don't argue much.  We have both learned to pick our battles - it just isn't worth it most the time.  But when we start arguing over stupid stuff, it's usually bc we haven't had sex for a couple days and need to release some energy. Lol.

Ifunanya
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:21 AM
No..he doesn't like to be questioned and always has the final say..its not a problem for us cos i'm okay with it most of the time and I really dong have the strength for arguments.
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Oh we absolutely have power struggles. Every "arguement" we have is a power struggle. 

ProudMommy51006
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:51 AM
I find it strange that you assume everyone is bipolar. You do realize Bipolar is often misdiagnosed, right? Every mood issue does not make up bipolar. You sound very ignorant.

Quoting kidlover2:

I won't deny this study. I find humans and their subconscious reasoning fascinating. My mother is an undiagnosed bipolar who acts like an alcoholic without actually drinking ( her dad was a true alcoholic). My first husband is probably a undiagnosed bipolar who as our marriage progressed began treating his symptoms with drugs and alcohol. I am remarried now to a sober alcoholic. ( he's 19 years sober) His dad is a bipolar alcoholic. He has 3 younger brothers who all married women with alcoholic parents. Anyways.... Back to the original question. We disagree fairly regularly. We are 2 very different people. We occasionally argue ( trying to get the other person to agree to our side of the issue) but mostly we hear each other out and either come to a compromise and or if the particular issue is very important to one of us, we will agree with that choice.
ProudMommy51006
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Yes this study makes sense
AJ-47
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:57 AM
We definitely don't as much as we used to..and if we do, it's always "my fault." *rolls eyes*
midjet117
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 10:00 AM

 we dont fight much.

kidlover2
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this
If you think I'm the only one who thinks this then I guess I didn't make myself clear. My mom hasn't been to the doctor in over 20 years. My exhusband hasn't been in over 15. I failed to mention the hundreds of other people who agree with my assessment. In fact, I was not the first one who mentioned it. .My husband's father is a diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic who lives in an institution on and off.

Quoting ProudMommy51006:

I find it strange that you assume everyone is bipolar. You do realize Bipolar is often misdiagnosed, right? Every mood issue does not make up bipolar. You sound very ignorant.



Quoting kidlover2:

I won't deny this study. I find humans and their subconscious reasoning fascinating. My mother is an undiagnosed bipolar who acts like an alcoholic without actually drinking ( her dad was a true alcoholic). My first husband is probably a undiagnosed bipolar who as our marriage progressed began treating his symptoms with drugs and alcohol. I am remarried now to a sober alcoholic. ( he's 19 years sober) His dad is a bipolar alcoholic. He has 3 younger brothers who all married women with alcoholic parents. Anyways.... Back to the original question. We disagree fairly regularly. We are 2 very different people. We occasionally argue ( trying to get the other person to agree to our side of the issue) but mostly we hear each other out and either come to a compromise and or if the particular issue is very important to one of us, we will agree with that choice.
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