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Our growing children

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:00 AM
  • 1 Replies

I wrote a bit this morning. I am struggling with my oldest growing up, it is good and normal but it is also painful. Damn being a mom is really hard.

When a mom watches her children grow her world turns upside down.
No one hears the screams in her heart, the cry of I can't do this, I can't let go. 
When she lets go of their hand and they don't look back, 
we know this is right, we know this is good, our hear swells with pride.
And then we can't breathe, the what ifs take over, 
the missing becomes bigger then us. 
We miss their trust, their little hands touching our face, 
the sleepy cozy morning smell, wonderful kisses of complete love.
We know that one day our children are going to let go of our hand for the last time, our soul screams in anguish knowing this is right. 
The pretending that this is forever and you will never want to leave fades, we look at other moms and silently ask "how do I do this" the answer is always the same "you just do".
Our heart cries, can you please stay with me just a little while longer, let me be your mom for just a bit more. 

I am so proud of you and I want the world for you, I want you to fly, bloom, dance, sing, play, love, cry, and continue to grow my son, but for now I want to be your mom for just a little while more.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:00 AM
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by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:32 AM

 hugsfeel betterboy kissing momgirl giving flower

Awwww sweetie....HUGGSSS. That was beautifully written and I can also understand and empathise. Ever since I was a little girl, while other little girls were daydreaming of being nurses or movies stars or such, all I ever wanted to be was a sahm. I even pretended my dolls were alive to the point that once when a swarm of bees invaded a dolly picnic I was having w/a friend & my little sister, we ran away screaming to safety but then I  yelled "MY BABIES! and I ran back into the swarm of bees to save my "kids" lives. lol

I was as passionate & invested and serious about being a fulltime sahm mom as someone else might  be about  their ph.d career. I put exceptional effort, creativity and energy into it. I have 5 kids - 3 girls and 2 boys and 3 of the kids had some challenging serious special needs that made me even more invested as it was my mission in life to A. balance out the bad deal they had been handed with as much good as I could create and B. to make sure they would be as OK and able to take tlc of themselves before adulthood as I could. I also homeschooled them all more years than not. I lived and breathed for those kids.

A lot of people dread the teens years, but I noticed that while the boys were much  more mischievous and more  than a handful each than all 3 girls put  together as little kids, as they turned into tweens/teens the  boys  got mellow and easy to my suprise and my easy girls got overly emotional and dramatic. lol BUT I still had a lot of fun with them in their teen years too. I  enjoyed that  now we could talk about  literally ANYTHING and often did. I was there to listen to their exciting new adventures and latest dramas at school, to comfort them when they got their hearts broken, to give them advice, to make sure they were learning important life skills they would need once they were independent adults that too many young people go  out into the world, book educated thru school but missing important life skills. NOT my kids! They did NOT need me the same way they did as little children but that was a good sign I was  doing a good job but at the same time they still  NEEDED me just in  different more mature ways and they were so grateful I chose to still be at home for them fulltime because if anything came up and they needed a listening ear, advice or a shoulder to cry on, they knew I was there day and night anytime for them and they were grateful and we continued to do creative fun things making priceless happy memories and I made sure we were the "hang out house" where all their friends were welcome anytime and everyone wanted to be there (that way I got to know their friends for REAL not just their first impression and also as long as they were at my house I knew what they were all up to and that they were safe. and I got to make even MORE memories with them).

NOW our 5 are young adults independently living on their own 18-26. At FIRST I had devoted all my time to my  kids for 2 decades that I didn't know what  to do with my spare time but I committed to  finding things that I enjoy and that are fullfilling and now I don't have enough time in my day to get all my stuff done half the time. I enjoy my days.

3 of our kids live an hour away, 1 lives 12 minutes away and 1 lives 15 hours away across the country. The ones who live an hour away we see once or twice a month, the one who lives 12 minutes away we see once a week to every other week and the one who lives across the country we see once or twice a year. I DO miss seeing them everyday, BUT we are STill very VERY close knit, in between visits we all keep in touch frequently thru  the week (ALL OF THEM) thru phone calls, texts, private messages, emails, instant messaging. I also have a hobby of entering sweeps and contests daily so everytime I win them something  I have it sent to them to remind them that I have PROOF I think of them everyday (I have to to enter for them daily right? lol) They don't need me in the SAME way they did as kids or teens, but they still know they can contact me anytime day or night for advice, a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Their dad too. They STILL need me and even though in a lesser way, that is a compliment to my good parenting and NOW we are reaping the rewards and joys of all the hard work and sacrifice we put into them as we see them being BEAUTIFUL human beings we feel lucky to even say we know much less have the  honor of being their parents! Also another special treat is now that we have already raised them we actually get to be best friends with all of them now. Its so much fun when the hard work is done and you  get to be best friends with your adult kids. We still go places and do fun things together. Sometimes they even go on trips with us. They still keep in touch and share their latest adventures and goals and dreams with us. It's an even more touching meaningful compliment when  they may not NEED us as much  BUT they still WANT us by CHOICE. They didn't get to choose their parents as kids but they did choose us as friends as adults and that is  very priceless! : )

My husband has a beautiful fatherhood tattoo of a large tree (he's the tree) and our 5 kids initials are engraved in the tree and the tree has 5 thick roots one for each kid and flying away from its branches are 5 birds as our kids fly to freedom and independence but the birds know they can always come back to  the tree anytime as the tree is always there for them. Beneath the tree he has tattooed the words  ROOTS & WINGS  because that is what we gave them.

We will always be their parents and love them and care for them and be close to them and protective of them and have a close relationship with them even when they are old grandparents themselves if we are still here. And we know we have and still are teaching them lessons and making priceless memories with them that will last with them long after Todd and I are gone. And even then we will be here to watch over them and help them however we can.

Being a parent and being close to your kids is NEVER over. So don't be sad, mama.... just enjoy each  special unique phase as it comes. None of them is more important or special than the others, they are each important and special in  their own ways.HUGS


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