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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

What relationship traits do you think need to exist in order to have a great marriage?

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 9:24 AM
  • 18 Replies

6 Signs You're Destined for Marital Bliss With Your Man

by Maressa Brown

bride and groomWith the divorce rate being what it is these days, marriage definitely isn't something to take lightly. After all, most of us aren't anything like a certain reality star whose reputation is currently at major risk for her speedy marital shenanigans. Most of us want to be completely sure we're compatible with our potential life partner before zipping down the aisle.

I'll never forget my mom telling me what the rabbi who married my parents said to them before they took their vows over 35 years ago. He told them that there are three things you must be in sync with in order to keep your marriage afloat: Money, family, and sex. Sounds simple enough, but one or all of those things can get hairy at some point for any couple! So, while I think that's a terrific general guideline, there are definitely more nuanced ways to tell if you're a match made in monogamous heaven. Jacqueline Del Rosario, "America's Marriage Doctor," offered her take on some of those ways.

  1. You are like-minded. Del Rosario explains, "While you don't have to be exactly the same (let's face it, that would be boring), you do need to have congruent core morals and values." This is something I learned again and again when I was out there in the minefield known as the dating scene. There were guys who I realized right off the bat had completely polar opposite values (often they were super-materialistic, posing as "ambitious"). Not gonna work!
  2. Your temperament balances one another. In other words, even if you're total opposites -- and you can be "the Yin to your mate's Yang," says Del Rosario -- those differences have to create harmony in some way, shape, or form. You're headed for a roller coaster of disaster if your tendencies are just too different. I can definitely relate ... the boyfriend and I can be on two ends of the spectrum (passive vs. outgoing, chill vs. go-go-go) from time to time, but our energies seem to balance out. We learn from one another and make each other stronger in spite of our differences.
  3. You're both willing to do the work. This is obviously super-important for any marriage. Can't head into lifelong commitment territory without being on the same page about how much effort it's going to take to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Similarly, you should know whether or not you're able to resolve problems and work through conflict as a team, explains Del Rosario. That's what partnership is about after all, right?
  4. You speak the same "love" language. It may sound a bit cheesy, but basically this just means that you're able to understand/respect/learn/appreciate one another's romantic, sexual, and emotional needs. Seems to reflect what my parents' rabbi had to say to them about sexual compatibility. And that's not to say it's always going to be easy, but you have to both be willing to put in the effort to satisfy one another. (See #3.)
  5. You're attracted to one another. Sure, looks fade, but "fundamental human attraction can keep the fires burning between the two of you -- physically and emotionally," says Del Rosario. It seems to me the happiest couples who have been together the longest amount of time seem to have been perpetually drawn to one another. Each believes the other is majorly HOT!
  6. You genuinely like who they are as a person. To me, this one is HUGE! So often, we fall for that guy we're attracted to, but who we could never be friends with ... because he's a jerk or it's more about sex than a mental connection. Del Rosario argues that "a relationship must be based upon a solid friendship that can stand the test of time." You should really truly be able to say your partner is your best friend. I never knew you could have those two things rolled into one person ... that is, until I met my boyfriend. Once you find that, I think it's safe to say you've hit the hubby jackpot.

Do you agree with this checklist? What other relationship traits do you think need to exist in order to have a great marriage? 

by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 9:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Creid74
by Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:53 AM

To have a good marriage you need trust, understanding, patience, and of course unconditional love :)

NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM
It might be a little different for each couple. My husband, for example, gives up and shuts down easily. I could be the boss in every way but he wouldn't be happy. I have to make sure he has his voice heard. I have to give him time to think and make it easy to express what he wants. If i interrupt him he will shut down and just say whatever i want is fine. I like to make decisions quickly so its really hard to wait a week or more to decide on even simple things, like what lawn mower to buy. In the end though he is pleased he had input and takes ownership of what we are doing
L.A.F.outloud
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:11 PM

To me the most important thing is respect.  Also loyalty, and the ability to be completely faithful.  You need to have at least a few things in common, as well.

beeky
by Alexandra on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I would have to say, that is very sound advice.

We're 6 for 6 and still going strong after 25 years.

beeky
by Alexandra on Jul. 26, 2013 at 1:02 PM

 

It seems to me, that you can't have the 6 traits that are listed in the article without respect and loyalty.

Quoting L.A.F.outloud:

To me the most important thing is respect.  Also loyalty, and the ability to be completely faithful.  You need to have at least a few things in common, as well.


 

MCA23
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 3:48 PM

Respect and a sense of humor.  Life gets hard.  Have to be able to laugh.

xoxRachelxox
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 4:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Trust and communication. Without those, you're completely screwed.

emarin77
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:42 PM

If you can't communicate with the other, forget it.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:49 PM

This is great to see it put down to words like this! Sometomes when your with someone and happy its hard to describe! Its a feeling you have&the love that never lets you question "Am I doing the right/wrong thing?"

Trust,loyalty,honesty,respect.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:50 PM

 Thanks for posting

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