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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I mean really?!?!?!?

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:03 AM
  • 21 Replies

So ladies, I brought up the conversation of marriage... just letting him know I want to get married. He said, "Ok, we can do that if you want". WHAT?! Don't be too thrilled or anything! Am I nuking this? Should I be ok with that fact he wants what I want or just give up the idea of marriage for a while??!

by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:32 AM

 Hmmm. I wouldn't marry him unless he wanted to. Otherwise in the future he'll bring up the fact that he only married you because you wanted him to. So, if he doesn't want to and you do you might need to cut your losses and find someone on the same page as yourself.

OR say you've decided you are born again and won't have sex until marriage. LOL

smurfbitebug
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:38 AM
Well... I don't know your DH. So I have no idea if he meant that the way it sounds, or if he meant, "Sure! We can do that. Sounds good." It all depends on his personality. How he usually talks.
Why didn't you extend the conversation if you weren't sure? Just talk to him about it. Ask him openly if he thinks marriage is for him. Ask him if he would be happy moving the relationship to the next level or if he is more content with where he is right now.
This conversation should happen. It isn't a weird conversation to have.. you still have to talk about other things too before you decide if you truly want to marry him. Don't be uncomfortable with it. Then you may not find out what you really do need to know.
Of course I don't know what other conversations you have had or how much you know already. But that's my advice.
smurfbitebug
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:38 AM
Lol sorry didn't mean to call him your dh.. that's habit. I'm sorry.
L202M
by Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:42 AM

The only thing I don't like about asking him directly like that is that he may say things he doesn't mean to spare her feelings.  I think the OP is feeling that now with his response.


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Well... I don't know your DH. So I have no idea if he meant that the way it sounds, or if he meant, "Sure! We can do that. Sounds good." It all depends on his personality. How he usually talks.
Why didn't you extend the conversation if you weren't sure? Just talk to him about it. Ask him openly if he thinks marriage is for him. Ask him if he would be happy moving the relationship to the next level or if he is more content with where he is right now.
This conversation should happen. It isn't a weird conversation to have.. you still have to talk about other things too before you decide if you truly want to marry him. Don't be uncomfortable with it. Then you may not find out what you really do need to know.
Of course I don't know what other conversations you have had or how much you know already. But that's my advice.



smurfbitebug
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Hmm.. if he cannot have an open and honest conversation about truly important things like this I'm not sure if that's someone who would make a good spouse. Important things come up often in marriage.. and it's imperative that both partners can speak on the level or communication breaks down and that causes a lot of issues that don't need to happen.

Quoting L202M:

The only thing I don't like about asking him directly like that is that he may say things he doesn't mean to spare her feelings.  I think the OP is feeling that now with his response.



Quoting smurfbitebug:

Well... I don't know your DH. So I have no idea if he meant that the way it sounds, or if he meant, "Sure! We can do that. Sounds good." It all depends on his personality. How he usually talks.

Why didn't you extend the conversation if you weren't sure? Just talk to him about it. Ask him openly if he thinks marriage is for him. Ask him if he would be happy moving the relationship to the next level or if he is more content with where he is right now.

This conversation should happen. It isn't a weird conversation to have.. you still have to talk about other things too before you decide if you truly want to marry him. Don't be uncomfortable with it. Then you may not find out what you really do need to know.

Of course I don't know what other conversations you have had or how much you know already. But that's my advice.




L202M
by Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:03 AM

I could see a guy, that really didn't want to get married for a long time, not wanting to tell his girlfriend for fear she might leave him, or even just get mad at him.  It certainly wouldn't be the first time a guy lead a girl on.  This happens all the time. 


Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hmm.. if he cannot have an open and honest conversation about truly important things like this I'm not sure if that's someone who would make a good spouse. Important things come up often in marriage.. and it's imperative that both partners can speak on the level or communication breaks down and that causes a lot of issues that don't need to happen.

Quoting L202M:

The only thing I don't like about asking him directly like that is that he may say things he doesn't mean to spare her feelings.  I think the OP is feeling that now with his response.



Quoting smurfbitebug:

Well... I don't know your DH. So I have no idea if he meant that the way it sounds, or if he meant, "Sure! We can do that. Sounds good." It all depends on his personality. How he usually talks.

Why didn't you extend the conversation if you weren't sure? Just talk to him about it. Ask him openly if he thinks marriage is for him. Ask him if he would be happy moving the relationship to the next level or if he is more content with where he is right now.

This conversation should happen. It isn't a weird conversation to have.. you still have to talk about other things too before you decide if you truly want to marry him. Don't be uncomfortable with it. Then you may not find out what you really do need to know.

Of course I don't know what other conversations you have had or how much you know already. But that's my advice.






VAnavymom
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Thanks everyone for your responses. I was just too astounded that he would just say, I am ok with that. He isn't a great communicator but he is intelligent and knows me pretty well. Am I being too wistful wanting him to really want to marry me by saying so?? Is it all a romantic dream to just have him say something like, I love you and I think we should too?? Thanks for the advice ladies!
smurfbitebug
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Like I said, she would know better than we would.

Quoting L202M:

I could see a guy, that really didn't want to get married for a long time, not wanting to tell his girlfriend for fear she might leave him, or even just get mad at him.  It certainly wouldn't be the first time a guy lead a girl on.  This happens all the time. 



Quoting smurfbitebug:

Hmm.. if he cannot have an open and honest conversation about truly important things like this I'm not sure if that's someone who would make a good spouse. Important things come up often in marriage.. and it's imperative that both partners can speak on the level or communication breaks down and that causes a lot of issues that don't need to happen.



Quoting L202M:

The only thing I don't like about asking him directly like that is that he may say things he doesn't mean to spare her feelings.  I think the OP is feeling that now with his response.




Quoting smurfbitebug:

Well... I don't know your DH. So I have no idea if he meant that the way it sounds, or if he meant, "Sure! We can do that. Sounds good." It all depends on his personality. How he usually talks.


Why didn't you extend the conversation if you weren't sure? Just talk to him about it. Ask him openly if he thinks marriage is for him. Ask him if he would be happy moving the relationship to the next level or if he is more content with where he is right now.


This conversation should happen. It isn't a weird conversation to have.. you still have to talk about other things too before you decide if you truly want to marry him. Don't be uncomfortable with it. Then you may not find out what you really do need to know.


Of course I don't know what other conversations you have had or how much you know already. But that's my advice.








furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:21 AM
1 mom liked this

 Marriage is a pretty big deal. I would expect my SO to treat it as such. If he were just, "Eh" about it, I would not marry him. I would want him to be absolutely sure and vocalize that. I don't think you're expecting too much.

Quoting VAnavymom:

Thanks everyone for your responses. I was just too astounded that he would just say, I am ok with that. He isn't a great communicator but he is intelligent and knows me pretty well. Am I being too wistful wanting him to really want to marry me by saying so?? Is it all a romantic dream to just have him say something like, I love you and I think we should too?? Thanks for the advice ladies!

 

smurfbitebug
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:39 AM
Aww you want him to be sweet about it. I get that. <3

Maybe, just maybe (just a possibility) after you talk about it and see that you're on the same page he will propose and hopefully it will be amazingly awe inspiring and romantic. ;)


Quoting VAnavymom:

Thanks everyone for your responses. I was just too astounded that he would just say, I am ok with that. He isn't a great communicator but he is intelligent and knows me pretty well. Am I being too wistful wanting him to really want to marry me by saying so?? Is it all a romantic dream to just have him say something like, I love you and I think we should too?? Thanks for the advice ladies!
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